[cbielem]

My husband and I are starting foster care classes on June 2 in Oregon. We have a 9 1/2 month old son and are currently looking to just do foster care. (am I crazy to want this when I have a baby?) In the future we very possibly might adopt. I had a hard time getting pregnant the first time, and I had always said that I would have 2 bios, and then adopt if I wanted more.

I feel like I have a million questions! Here are a couple that I have right now...

1. My first question is if we should go for fostering right now, or go ahead and do foster to adopt, since we may adopt someday. If we just do the fostering now, does it make it difficult to add on the adopting part later?

2. Our house is small - about 1200 sf with 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms (we live on a couple acres in a country setting). My son is in the second bedroom in a crib, and we have a twin bed in it (it is a very large room). We have other beds readily available, as well as a bassinet and playpen. We are looking at possibly fostering kids 3 and under (since my son is so young), or up to age 5 if a sibling group. Does anyone know whether we would be able to put 3 children in one bedroom?

3. My husband is a hunter, and therefore has multiple guns and a bow. What are the requirements for the storage of these? We do have a gunsafe with a lock - is that adequate? What about storage of bullets?

4. I am the one who has always wanted to be a foster parent. My husband is agreeing to go to the classes (which means he isn't against it; he would say no if he was), but it is obviously more my passion to do this. Does this make a difference to the SW?

5. When the SW asks about discipline, what are they looking for? Since our son is only 9 months, our form of discipline is saying "no" and moving him away when he gets into something. We don't have older kids to discipline in other ways. We both understand that there would be no spanking, etc. but I'm not sure if there is a right or wrong answer to this...

Thank you so much for all the help you have given me already! I enjoy sorting through old posts - so many questions have been answered before I even ask!

Courtney

[Kat-L]

In Maryland, all foster parents are foster/adopt. You foster a child and if the child becomes available for adoption you can adopt the child. If you aren't ready to adopt the child, that's fine. They'll just move the child to a different foster/adopt home.

In Maryland, kids can share a room with a child who is same sex. And basically, the number of children per room depends on the amount of square footage. Where I live, they want 165 square feet of floor space in order to put three kids in the room.

For guns, in Maryland, the guns have to be locked in a cabinet with the bullets stored separately. But I'm not a fan of having guns in a house (with or without children). My brother came to visit and I made him keep his gun in the trunk of his car.

The social worker will want to make sure you are both wanting to foster. It's normal for one parent to be more excited than the other. However, if your husband really doesn't want to foster, that could be a problem.

As for discipline, spanking is not allowed. Most people use "time out" or loss of tv time, computer time, etc.

[mrsred]

Originally Posted by cbielem

I feel like I have a million questions! Here are a couple that I have right now...

1. My first question is if we should go for fostering right now, or go ahead and do foster to adopt, since we may adopt someday. If we just do the fostering now, does it make it difficult to add on the adopting part later?
Just go straight foster for now, since you really aren't ready to adopt. When you do decide you are ready, as long as you keep your foster license up to date you should just need to have a home study done. Also, if you are fostering a child and he/she becomes legally free and you feel you want to make it permanent, you can do the home study at that time. Beneath family members, you will likely be the first consideration for a permanent placement
2. Our house is small - about 1200 sf with 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms (we live on a couple acres in a country setting). My son is in the second bedroom in a crib, and we have a twin bed in it (it is a very large room). We have other beds readily available, as well as a bassinet and playpen. We are looking at possibly fostering kids 3 and under (since my son is so young), or up to age 5 if a sibling group. Does anyone know whether we would be able to put 3 children in one bedroom? Cannot say for sure in Oregon, but here in WA it goes by the square footage, that you must have so many sq feet per child. Also, children over the age of six can only share a bedroom with same gender

3. My husband is a hunter, and therefore has multiple guns and a bow. What are the requirements for the storage of these? We do have a gunsafe with a lock - is that adequate? What about storage of bullets?
Your state worker can help you meet all requirements. I beleive everything will need to be secured
4. I am the one who has always wanted to be a foster parent. My husband is agreeing to go to the classes (which means he isn't against it; he would say no if he was), but it is obviously more my passion to do this. Does this make a difference to the SW? As long as he isn't against it, this shouldn't be a huge deal. I don't think this is terribly uncommon

5. When the SW asks about discipline, what are they looking for? Since our son is only 9 months, our form of discipline is saying "no" and moving him away when he gets into something. We don't have older kids to discipline in other ways. We both understand that there would be no spanking, etc. but I'm not sure if there is a right or wrong answer to this... Just tell them you use redirection, loss of privilege, time outs as age appropriate, or something along that line. If you have read, or can read any parenting books (like Love & Logic or 1-2-3 Magic) you can refer to that, and say you plan on using those methods. Social workers love that kind of thing, shows you are

Courtney

Hope that helps, good luck, and God bless!

[Sam-N-Tony]

Welcome aboard!!!!

To answer your questions:

1. I don't know in Oregon, but in FL there is real Foster-Adopt Route, it's you foster or adopt. You can be a foster parent and still have your adoption homestudy. It doesn't really affect your status.

2. My house is about that size and its a 3 bed/1 bath. Depending on the size of the room, they usually want at least 50 sq feet for each kid. So if your son's room is 10x12, you have 120 sq ft, so you should be able to have 2 kids in there but they would allow 3. Also, some states allow different sex of children in the same room only until 3. If not, then it will have to be the same sex.

3. Guns needs to be locked up and the bullets need to be locked up in a seperate location.

4. As long as dh is on the same boat as you are and behind you 100%. The woman is usually more passionate than the man. Most men usually have reservations, its ok.

5. Discipline usually consists of redirection, timeout (age appropriate, 1 min per year), positive reinforcement, lose priveleges, things like that. That just don't want to hear that you beat them.

Hope I helped. Good Luck.

[Withay]

First, welcome to the forums.

I pm'd you. I, too am in Oregon and have fostered for 6 years here.

1. My first question is if we should go for fostering right now, or go ahead and do foster to adopt, since we may adopt someday. If we just do the fostering now, does it make it difficult to add on the adopting part later?

You can go either way. It is not at all hard to add the adoption certification at a later time.

2. Our house is small - about 1200 sf with 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms (we live on a couple acres in a country setting). My son is in the second bedroom in a crib, and we have a twin bed in it (it is a very large room). We have other beds readily available, as well as a bassinet and playpen. We are looking at possibly fostering kids 3 and under (since my son is so young), or up to age 5 if a sibling group. Does anyone know whether we would be able to put 3 children in one bedroom?

It will all depend on the size of the bedroom. I have 2 nurseries, each is 10' x 11' (approx) and I have 2 cribs in each one.

3. My husband is a hunter, and therefore has multiple guns and a bow. What are the requirements for the storage of these? We do have a gunsafe with a lock - is that adequate? What about storage of bullets?

Guns should be ok in the gunsafe provided it is ALWAYS locked. The bullets will have to be stored in a separate locked area.

4. I am the one who has always wanted to be a foster parent. My husband is agreeing to go to the classes (which means he isn't against it; he would say no if he was), but it is obviously more my passion to do this. Does this make a difference to the SW?

As long as your husband is on-board with fostering you should be fine. The certifier will want to make sure that he is in agreement to being a foster parent.

5. When the SW asks about discipline, what are they looking for? Since our son is only 9 months, our form of discipline is saying "no" and moving him away when he gets into something. We don't have older kids to discipline in other ways. We both understand that there would be no spanking, etc. but I'm not sure if there is a right or wrong answer to this...

The certifier will ask how you were disciplined as a child and how you will plan on disciplining your son. Foster children are not allowed to receive any type of corporal punishment, use of water as punishment, denying of food, etc. What they will be looking for is someone who will use redirection, time-outs, time-ins for discipline.

Good luck.

[cbielem]

Originally Posted by Withay

It will all depend on the size of the bedroom. I have 2 nurseries, each is 10' x 11' (approx) and I have 2 cribs in each one.

The bedroom is probably at least 12x14 (168 sf). Does anyone know the minimum square footage per child in Oregon?

Originally Posted by Withay

Guns should be ok in the gunsafe provided it is ALWAYS locked. The bullets will have to be stored in a separate locked area.

This will not be a problem. The safe is located in our bedroom, and is locked. My husband is an avid hunter/fisher so there is no way around having guns.

Originally Posted by Withay

As long as your husband is on-board with fostering you should be fine. The certifier will want to make sure that he is in agreement to being a foster parent.

He is on board with this. I would just be the primary care-giver since I will be a SAHM.

Originally Posted by Withay

The certifier will ask how you were disciplined as a child and how you will plan on disciplining your son. Foster children are not allowed to receive any type of corporal punishment, use of water as punishment, denying of food, etc. What they will be looking for is someone who will use redirection, time-outs, time-ins for discipline.

This is good to know. We do plan on using time-outs (ins) and redirection for discipline.

I really appreciate all the answers you have all given me! They help me out a lot!

[Sam-N-Tony]

I would assume that most states requires at least 40-60 sq feet, so in your case you would able to have a total of 3 kids in that room.

There is always exceptions, especially for siblings.

[mahrtanl]

Can't answer your questions, because it seems like you are even farther along in the process than I am....but I just wanted to say you're not crazy! We have a almost 11 month old and we're looking into fostering as well. Also, as you said, my husband's not against it, but he's also not as gun-ho as I am either. One of my fears is that they'll think we aren't good enough because he's not as excited as I am. He loves the idea of helping children, he's just worried about anything new and the extra costs of course.

[cbielem]

I know exactly what you mean! I don't think I'm really farther along in the process than you. All I have done is called our DHS and they signed us up for their next classes, which are in June. I don't even know anything about other agencies that there might be...

I am so glad that I am not the only one with a young child who is looking into doing this. I also have the fear that they won't allow us to foster because my husband is not the one with the passion for this. I'm a little worried because he hasn't voiced any concerns yet, except to tell me that I WILL be staying home full time (I currently work part time and my son goes with me) when we have more than one child to care for.

Welcome to the forum!

[lealani]

Hello,

I think the only law in Oregon regarding bedrooms is that it has a closet & a window that opens. Hope that helps!

,
LL