[alilangel]

We just had our first homestudy. Everything went great with the house and meeting our case worker. Since then I received a call yesterday from our case worker saying my husband basically needs a mental health evaluation because he was diagnosed with being bipolar in the past but hasn't been on any medication for the past year and is fine. I am not saying my husband is perfect but I don't think he is bipolar.

1) Have any of you experienced this request from your case worker?
2) Anyone from Ky?
3) I feel like we are being discriminated against.
4) Why did the case worker call me instead of my husband? He's an adult and can handle talking to her and any requests that she should have.

We also need the DR to say he is okay to parent.
a) How is the DR to know this?
b) Some people who don't have mental health issues are bad parents.
c) Would this be a legal thing for the Dr to say?

Thanks!

[crystalp]

I don't think you are being discriminated against, IMO. If someone is truly bipolar and isn't on any meds, they can be very unstable and erratic, and could pose an unsafe situation for any kids that were placed with them (bio or foster). I think that it is actually very responsible of them to want to make sure that your husband is okay, so that any children that they place with you would be safe. Don't take me wrong, your husband is probably fine, especially since you don't think that he is bipolar. But if he has been diagnosed with it in the past (even if he was wrongly diagnosed) dcfs just needs to be sure that all is well for the children's sake. And yes, a doctor can say whether the mental state of a person makes that person unfit for foster care. But again, if your husband is fine, then you shouldn't have a problem. Just look at this as yet another hoop for you to jump through. Good luck!

[Sam-N-Tony]

Ditto to what CrystalP said.

I don't think its discrimination at all. Think would you allow your own children go to a foster home where a parent has bipolar disorder and is unmedicated and has not been cleared by a Dr. first. The thing with BiPolar is that they can go from one extreme to another and rather quickly, so I too would think he needs to be cleared by a mental health professional first. Being a foster parent brings a lot of emotion and stress on yourself and family and even though he's been doing great without meds for over a year, being a foster parent can be just enough to send him in a downward spiral if not medicated.

[alilangel]

for putting me in my place. You guys are right. I even talked to my Dad after I posted this and he put me in my place too. Needless to say my husband has always been cool with there request.



Mary Catherine

[Sam-N-Tony]

Oh yeah to answer #4 of your questions, it is very very common that the wife handles all the paperwork and is usually the contact for everything.

My husband barely even talks to our caseworker and that's even when she's sitting in our living room. LOL

[alilangel]

Well, that's cool too. I just didn't know if that was the norm or not. I am very organized when it comes to the paperwork.

I do have one other peeve. Sometimes my case worker isn't very clear so I have to ask several questions in order to understand her full request. I feel like she needs to be more upfront and just put everything on the table.

[xxsurroundedbyxy]

Ditto to SamnTony. The caseworker, CASA, GAL, and therapists all call me.....even to set up an appt to talk to hubby!!

[alilangel]

He can't get into his doctor until 6/25. I am so frustrated....I wanted everything to go smoothly.LOL! I am sorry guys for being such a pain in the ya know what today.

Time to find some more projects.....

[hrisme]

I don't have experience as a foster parent, but as a respite provider with mental illness (depression, anxiety disorder, etc) I was faced with a situation where a family used the information they had against me & tried to prove I was incompetent to provide respite care. All I needed was a letter from my therapist indicating that I was undergoing treatment and there was no concern over my ability to provide supervisory care for children.

[crystalp]

Sorry that he can't be seen by the doctor for a while. That's too bad. Hang in there!

[Sam-N-Tony]

Ask your dr. to keep your name on the top just in case of a cancellation. You might have a better chance getting in there quicker.

You've only been going through the process since March, so your pretty much on track, it hasn't been that long. I took exactly 6 months and you can read some of other peoples horror stories.


Hang in there

[Scrapsathome]

Is that your regular doctor that can't see you until 6/25? Since we didn't yet have a regular doctor when we were going through the certification process we just called around to several different ones until we found one that could see us in less than two weeks. You might try a different doc.

I understand your frustration. We tried to get all our ducks in a row to get the whole thing done in less than a month. Clearly we were dreaming. It's been a year since then and I know now that in this system nothing is ever as fast as you'd like.

Good luck,
Jess

[alilangel]

No, this is his pyschologist (xsp ??). We already had our visit with our family doc. I have been calling around to other doctors to try to find one a little sooner, and I have asked to be put on their cancellation list.

I already got two things on the project list.

Thanks for all the replies and encouragement!

MC

[Cuervas]

alilangel,

Keep faith! I can empathize with the frustrations you and your husband must be feeling. As a single male, I too had to seek a psych eval to have my homestudy completed. I also found it difficult to find a Dr. who could help me with the eval in a timely manner, and my assessor offered little help with the matter.

It seems so unfair that people can have children without going through all the scrutiny that foster/adoptive parents must go through. While your motivations and goals are noble, keep in mind that your casework/assessor is keeping the best interests of the children in mind.

From my experience, EVERY HOOP during the homestudy and licensure process is a test of how you handle stress. While it is ok to be frustrated, your best tool is to remain positive and keep an honest line of communication with your caseworker/assessor. I also found it useful to have found a psychologist who not only helped write the foster/adoption laws in my state but also specializes in child psych and has worked with many foster families. I believe his evaluation carried a lot of weight in the approval of my homestudy.

[RobinKay]

hey, alilangel

Seems so frustrating, you know what a wonderful man your husband is and how much you both have to give a child.

You are so great to keep your positive attitude. Hope it all works out for you.