[2Pyrs]

Hello everyone,

Twenty-four hours ago, I would never have thought I'd be posting anything here, and yet, I hope you all will indulge me with my few questions.

My husband and I have three children; we are satisfied with this number and are not seeking to adopt. However, I have a friend who is a foster parent, and it warms my heart to think about what she is doing for the children in her care. I also have a personal connection, sort of - my mother was raised in an orphanage from birth until age 12, when she went to live with a foster family. Both of her parents were alive, but her mother (we believe) may have suffered from mental illness, and she would never allow my mother to be placed for adoption or even, until my mother was 12, placed in a foster home. Her father (who was married to another woman) did not know of her whereabouts until well after my mother was an adult.

For my mother, who endured such a sad combination of circumstances (raised in an orphanage, yet not an orphan, yet not visited by a birth parent except very rarely, nor had she any other family, either), not having a stable childhood or the unconditional love of a family, yielded both a sweet and gentle soul, and someone tormented by what she never had. And so, I have always thought I'd be open to adoption, or at this point in my life, fostering children who are in need of a home, even temporarily.

My friend told me that we would possibly be eligible to do emergency care of an infant up to about age 18 months, if we were willing to place a crib in our room.

Our concerns? Well, we don't have a large house - it's just under 1800 sf, and we have three children between the ages of 3 and 9, so they are all home. I'm a SAHM, and I homeschool my two older children. Mostly, I am worried that perhaps my youngest is too young (she'll be 4 in June), but perhaps, by the time we make a decision and if we were approved, she'd be old enough so that I'd not need to worry.

So, I guess my question is if NOW is the right time. I know we're the only ones who can know that, but perhaps others who are familiar with the process can comment on the ages of our children, and whether or not that alone is problematic.

Oh! And we also have three dogs - all large, all friendly (two of whom are Great Pyrenees, which explains my user ID), and two cats. And six pet rats (yes, rats). We have a fenced backyard, and a fence yard on the side of my house (an entire building lot); there is a gate between them so, technically, the two yards can be kept separate.

Sorry this is jumbled; I'm still working through this and would welcome any comments you all may have.

[One_Happy_Momma]

Welcome to the Forum! I'm relatively new to the forum, but not to foster care. Thank you for opening your heart and home for a child in need of a loving family.

I don't have much advise for you, so hopefully someone who has been in a similar situation as yours will soon pop in. I personally do not see how your family dinamics will affect you getting a license to foster. I'm just thinking that you would indeed need to get a child under school age, I don't think the State would allow you to homeschool him/her - I tried doing that with a former FC and they wouldn't allow it.

As far a having a crib in your room the age limit varies from State to State. Have you contacted any local agencies to get additional info?


To your mother, to have endured all that in her childhood, and be able to mother, love, and raise a selfless child as yourself speaks of a very resilient, and loving human being.

[mommy2hln]

Hi there,
It seems our familys are very much alike. I have 3 kids ages 3,6 and 8 and am a SAHM and also homeschool all of them and do Foster Care. We started about 2 years ago and love it. We got place with our first foster child a little over one year ago and he was 4 days old straight from the hospital and we still have him and are in the process of adopting him. With that said our plans were not to adopt and just foster but I guess God had better plans for us that we did not know about. It is hard sometimes with older kids and making sure nothing happens to our own so We like the younger ones and any school age kids we get go to public school. It can be hard sometimes trying to balance visits and apts and homeschool so think about that if you decide to foster. Hope this helped. You can PM me if you want more info. I am also in Ca. Good luck

[luvmykids4]

I too am in a similar situation. My husband and I homeschool our four children, ages 15, 13, 11, and almost 7! We are doing foster care with ( to be honest ) the hope of adoption. We requested 1 or 2 kids ages up to 2yrs. We don't have a particularly big house, our kids each share, or will be sharing a room when we get a placement. We went with younger children for a couple of reasons. We did not want to have the added 'burden' of schooling issues that would come with an older foster child. I wanted kids in an age range that would not require me to put them in school. Also, although many don't do this, fostering/adopting younger than your youngest is sound guidance. Our social workers all recommend this. Ultimately, you and your husband have to do it at a time when you feel it's right. We have talked about this on and off for years, but only in the last few months did we feel that things fell into place. Best wishes with what you decide.

I also had a very similar situation with my mom, and she became not only a wonderful mother, but a really beautiful human being. Her struggles of feeling like no one loved her produced a very empathetic person. Great to hear from you.

[2Pyrs]

Thanks so much to those who've replied. I went and read through some of the older messages, and discovered that there are plenty of threads that answer some or even all of my questions (the ones I know to ask right now, anyway).

I'm excited about the possibility of helping a child, and conflicted because I feel like my dd is still young enough that it might be hard for her. And truthfully? Reading some of the stories here - both those of heartache and those of joy - made me tear right up and cry. They were so touching, and the excitement, or the sadness, was almost tangible, even through just the words on the screen.

I don't yet know what we'll do. Well, I know I've wanted to foster for a long, long time, but as for when, I am not sure.

My husband and I talked about it briefly tonight, and it's still such a big question mark for us, though I think we both thought that perhaps respite care for the littlest ones might be a good fit for us now.

I might go sit down and meet with my friend and talk to her some more, too.

Mommy2hln: Wow, our situation does sound similar! My ds just turned 9, too, or else the ages would even have matched. What a sweet story about your unexpected, soon-to-be your very own little son.

luvmykids4: I've always heard that you shouldn't disrupt the birth order of your children, if you ever consider fostering or adopting, so any FC would have to be younger than my 3yo anyway. My son (the 9yo) has always wanted a brother (close to his age), and in theory, I wish I could help him, but I don't think that'll ever work out for us like that.

Thanks again to everyone who replied. Still not sure what we'll do, but the conversation has been broached and, if I were to guess, I'd bet we'll call and start the process within the next year or so. I know that seems like a long time, but I don't want to be hasty and I want to be certain that my husband and I are both committed to doing it.

[Melissa1978]

Hi there, I love great Pyrs btw... LOL

anyway, my dh and i are starting the process, i will know on thursday if we have been accepted into the program.
we also have 3 kids at home, ages 4-7 and i also homeschool. Homeschooling is not a problem. i was told that most likely i will not get matched with any school aged children, which is fine. we want the babies now anyway.
The fact that i do not vaccinate my kids has not been an issue, homschooling, not an issue, and we live in a small 1600 sq foot home with 3 bedrooms,a nd that is not an issue. My 3 girls share a room and we have a spare room.
i say it is worth the time to go to an orientation, to get more info. YOu might decide then and there, this is what is right for you now, or youmight run for the hills. only you will know.
I wish you the best of luck! i am totally excited about doing this myself, and wouldnt have it any other way. and i think most foster moms i have spoken to, feel the same way.