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  #1  
Old 11-06-2007, 02:13 PM
tylind23 tylind23 is offline
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Horror stories

I am currently awaiting my first placement and I'm very excited. However, my parents definitely do not share my enthusiasm. My mother is very worried that I'm ruining my life by becoming a foster parent. She tells just about everybody she sees that I'm going to be a foster parent and they all have these horror stories to tell about someone they knew who did foster care and the children made false allegations on them, destroyed the house, were physically abusive, etc. On the other hand, when I have told someone that I'm going to be a foster parent, I've always gotten pretty positive responses (or at least not so negative). Why do you think it is that my mom seems to attract the people with all these horror stories? Anyone have any positive stories about foster parenting that I could share with my mom to ease her mind a bit? She now thinks I'm going to be murdered in my sleep by a foster child.
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Former FD - "Punky" (8) - July 22-August, 2008
Former FS - "Little Man" (7) - July 22-August, 2008
Former FD - "Baby Girl" (3) - July 22-August, 2008
Former FD - "Montana" (12) - June 17-August, 2008
Former FS - "Skater" (11) - April 9, 2008-July 3, 2008
Former FD - "Little One" (7) - January 14-28, 2008
Former FD - "Big Sis" (11) - January 14-28, 2008

Respite for: E (9 mos) and T (5)
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  #2  
Old 11-06-2007, 02:42 PM
Sam-N-Tony Sam-N-Tony is offline
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Quote:
She now thinks I'm going to be murdered in my sleep by a foster child.

Believe it or not you have a higher chance of getting murdered by your biological children than foster children.

As for the comments, I had family members all across the spectrum, so were for it, some were against it. Yes some fkids can be difficult, but sometimes they offer so much more than the heartache. As with any child, they all have issues and can be difficult to deal with.

Assuming your mom's not 20, if you think about it, your mother is from a different generation, where the foster kids had that stigma of being delinquents, troubled kids. That it was not the parents fault that they were abused/neglected it was because the kids were "bad". So whoever she is speaking to is more than likely around her age and grew up during the same time as her.

There is a positive story about every kid in foster care. My kids, yes they have behavior problems, but can be so endearing and loving, it outways the problems.

So its all how you look at it, and don't let your mom fool you. She will love those kids regardless!!!!
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2 boys


Bio Mom to:
Mr. Don Juan - The Ladies Man

Foster Mom:
Mr. Baby Don King - placed 8/08 - R/U

Former Foster Mom and Dad to:
Mr. Investigator - 8/07-5/08 - Moved to therapeutic (Miss him greatly)
Mr. Home Run Hitter - 5/08 - Moved to relative
Ms. Puff-Balls - 5/08 - Moved to relative
Ms. Pumkin - 6/08 - Back to Dad
Mr. El Gato - placed 6/08-7/08 - To a not so good choice non-relative
Ms. Beautiful Angel - 8/08 - Home, Came back into care 10/08, Went to another foster home.
Mr. Baby Stewie - 07/08 - 8/08 - Went back Home
Mr. Peabody - 10/08 - 12/08 - Disrupted - Went back to previous FP for adoption
Mr. Touchy - placed 8/07-02/09 - Had moved to another FH, because of my personal issues , hoping that one day I can get him back. I love him, more than I have words...
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  #3  
Old 11-06-2007, 02:59 PM
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mama2-8 mama2-8 is offline
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I have a positive story which ended with the adoption of seven children. Non of my kids have ever been violent. They came to me as scared and emotionaly drained chidren, but with love and time it heals some of those wounds. This idea that your mom has is part of the reason so many children are in foster care. When we took the kids out to eat all 8 of them mind you, we would get lots of compliments, but then when we said foster children their mouths would drop. My beautiful, sweet and well behaved children were not the monsters that society had invisioned. Unfortunatly the media is one sided at times, they like to get ratings with those horrible stories that have gone bad. Parenting a child who has been abused is hard at times, you have to win their trust and love. Sometimes it takes years for them to over come past issues and its tramatic to go through with the kids. You start to feel their pain, and your heart just breaks with them. I loved sharing with strangers that my kids were in foster care, it is eye opening because foster kids get horrible lables that arent always fair. Your mom will come around when she sees you parenting successfully. Good luck and hang in there, you are doing a great thing.
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Old 11-06-2007, 03:16 PM
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tlmerrie tlmerrie is offline
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When we started kinship care my mother was aloof and tentative. She knew better than to talk us out of it, but I think she was thinking the kinds of things your mother is thinking. After a while, I realized that she was really just afraid of loving a child and being hurt when that child couldn't remain a part of our family. She did tell me once not to get too attached.

Today we're adoptive parents and my mother is a wonderful grandmother to our daughter.

So maybe she's just scared of loving your foster children and then having to let them go.

Amy
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  #5  
Old 11-06-2007, 03:21 PM
tylind23 tylind23 is offline
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I think that's probably part of her problem. She has made comments about being worried I'm going to get my heart broken when the kids leave, but I think she's afraid as much for herself as for me in that respect.
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Former FD - "Punky" (8) - July 22-August, 2008
Former FS - "Little Man" (7) - July 22-August, 2008
Former FD - "Baby Girl" (3) - July 22-August, 2008
Former FD - "Montana" (12) - June 17-August, 2008
Former FS - "Skater" (11) - April 9, 2008-July 3, 2008
Former FD - "Little One" (7) - January 14-28, 2008
Former FD - "Big Sis" (11) - January 14-28, 2008

Respite for: E (9 mos) and T (5)
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  #6  
Old 11-06-2007, 03:51 PM
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Bug-n-Bears-Mommy Bug-n-Bears-Mommy is offline
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You can thank the media, prime time "entertainment", and every other thing that would rather focus on the negative aspects rather than the positive!
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