[danseur24]

Hello! I have been considering to become a foster parent for some time. One question I have is how you handle the foster child leaving your home? This seems to me to be the most difficult part. Any thoughts are welcome. Thank you.

[gabbles1]

I just became licensed on yesterday, so I haven't experienced that yet. (I don't even have my first kids yet). But I have heard people say that you get so busy with the next kids that you have to force yourself to think about the new kids' needs. Not to say that you don't miss the other kids. I know that is going to be a really hard part for me that I am going to have to learn to live with.

[fostermomintx]

I have been a foster parent for almost 3 years and have had 10 kids come in and leave, some for as long as 8 months and others for as short as 1 1/2 weeks.

It's hard but you have to remember that you are helping this child while they are with you and that is what matters most. Most of the kids I've had go to relatives and only had one baby that went back to his parents. The only time I have really had a hard time was when one of my babies was going back into a situation that wasn't "fixed" and I still worry about him... But my 3rd placement is now my son. He came to me at 2 years old and is almost 4 1/2.

I always get kind of excited about what child will come to live with me next. You never know--but it feels good to know that we are taking care of these kids during an unstable time in their lives and that we are helping them with love and stability.

[Flfostermom]

My husband and I have been foster parents since November 2006. We have had 9 children come and go. The hardest child to see leave was the first child. We had her for 2 months, and then she went back home. It was a hard time, but the same day she left we recieved a call for another child, and he came and he fit right into our family. After the first child it has become alittle more easy everytime. You learn to love the child, but in the back of your head you know they will be leaving.
I do have some advice. We received a call from placement about our first foster girl. They asked us to take her again and her brother about 1 month ago. We were so excited, and she came into the house knowing us, and it was like she never left. only 72 hours later she was placed back home. I will never take the first child back. It was harder the second time to let her go. We loved her so much.
I would not let the worry of the children leaving you, effect your decision of becoming foster parents. It's very rewarding to know you are helping these children through a hard and rough time. They need a loving family, and if you can give it to them, then it's something you need to do. It may be hard at sometimes, but the reward is far greater!

[Barksum]

It does become easier with time, generally. Some kids I was actually glad to see go. Not because they were horrible kids, but because the fit with our family was not as good, or there were issues with the birth family (threats, being subpoenaed to court to testify for the state against the bio family, etc.)

One foster mom shared that she tried to view each child as though they were her dear sister's child. She would gladly have her sister's children live with her while her sister had surgery, was preparing a new home in another town, or had other circumstances that she needed to attend to and couldn't have the children with her. She would be sad when her nieces and nephews went back to her sister, but she would be glad that the family was back together, too.

We don't foster anymore, but we did like being available to help our the children in our community while we were foster parents.

[AmahMama]

We have always tried to view a "our kids" moving on to relatives, adoptive parents, or ru'ing as a positive move for the kids. Our home was their "safe harbor" for the time the Lord needed a place for them. We have had several "fits" with the system - and have not always agreed with decisions - especially with one sib grp placement. But if we hadn't shared our home with them - they may not have had a stable place to stay while bioM got her stuff together.

We've had lots of kids - been doing this for several years - and still get pictures of some of them during the holidays. Some we have totally lost contact with and as far as I know - only 2 (both sibling grps) placements have returned to the system and they are both in (or finished) the process of adoption. These children that had such a huge part of our lives - now have forever families - and hopefully, I pray often, the others have bio's that just needed the guidance (and the scare) to become decent (if not good) parents to their children.

I hold this prayer with my entire heart. Even tho' I don't want to adopt - I still love having the sound of children in my home.

Bless you for joining such a caring group of people. Now we just need a few Senators and Congresspeople as FP's and we'd get some laws changed!!! Anyone for recruitment LOL~~

[Gryph]

We had a 1-year-old for about a year many years ago. It was very hard to see her go but she went to where she belonged, with her family.

With the teenagers who we usually get, we're glad to see some go. Many have remained a part of our family. It's the most rewarding thing to have grandchildren from this "kids"

One young teen lives just down the road from us. We consider him a nephew.

[teacher2mommy]

My husband and I have seen plenty of foster children come and go. My husband is very bad about getting himself very attached and it devestates him when they leave. What I do is when a child comes into my home I tell myself every day that that child will be reunited with their parents. I love them and take care of them as if they are my own but in my mind they are going home until the judge signs on the dotted line. This will really save you a lot of heartache in the long run. I really don't want this to sound cold but you really do have to look at it in a manner that you will not get your heart broken.