[Ashbre]

I have to say that I am still unhappy with what I am being told. A brief synopsis:

• told that they want me to go back through counseling so that they will have peace of mind that there are no unresolved issues since I don’t have any documentation from the therapist in my teens that I met with – this is despite having verification that I did go through counseling as a teen, I just don’t have the specifics of what was covered.

• told that they are concerned that with my husband being out on the road so much, that it will be too much of a load on me – when I pointed out that single people are allowed to foster/adopt all the time and that with my husband I do have someone to come in and help me bear some of the stress and that I do have that support system already in place, I didn’t really get anywhere other than to have them nod their heads as if in agreement. They also stressed that my girls had stated that they wished he was home more…but what child doesn’t wish that about a working parent? That is a perfectly normal feeling for a child/teen.

• told that it is more important to keep the kids in the homes they have been in than to reunite the children into one family unit even though one of the potential adoptive foster fathers is 85 years old (and I might add that he and his wife are wanting to adopt the four youngest kids ages 8, 8, 9 and 10). I’m 39 years old and I can still remember being separated from my brothers when I was six years old and placed in different foster homes. I don’t remember much else about what was going on when I was 6 years old, but that separation left permanent scars.

• when I stated that I do not feel that we are getting equal treatment as compared to other potential and/or current foster care providers who have had abuse in their childhood and were not required to go back through counseling again, they kept insisting that this was not the case at all although they couldn’t speak for other foster family’s cases

• one funny thing was that they insisted that the social worker assigned to us had written in her home evaluation that my husband was off his depression meds and that each of us had stated we could tell when he was taking them as opposed to when he didn’t – I tried pointing out that that wasn’t possible since he didn’t get the medicine prescribed to him until months after she had turned in her paperwork but it didn’t do any good. Arinda said she would like a letter from his doctor verifying his current prescription which is attached.

• I was also told that in our file there has been no mention of us wanting the sibling group, yet in my emails, there is are notations from our evaluating worker that she had discussed it with both the children’s worker and her unit supervisor - yes that's the same supervisor who sat there telling me she had no knowledge of our wanting these children.

It kills me that they tell you one thing one day and then the next, its something completely different. They’ve known from day one that my husband is an over the road truck driver and they have said repeatedly that that will be no problem.

Why is it that the things they keep telling us will be no problem, they then make into a problem.

Ok, so now I’ve made an appointment with a therapist for next Thursday at noon for my husband and myself. I might add that the therapist we’ll meet with agrees that there isn’t much point to rehashing my childhood at this late date and stated that he probably won't do more than gloss over it at best which I know is most likely NOT going to satisfy the woman who wants me to rehash it. Perhaps I can get a letter from him stating why he isn't interested in doing so.

I became good friends with a foster mom that had 3 of the 4 girls shortly after they were initially placed into the system. She said that she can verify that she knew from day one of receiving the girls that we were seeking to become their foster/adoptive parents. She also highly recommends us for approval and does not understand the runaround that we are receiving nor the reasons that are being given for the runaround. Might I add that she is a single, working foster mom who had no problem being certified?

While I can certainly understand the need to protect these children from bad homes, there is no guarantee that any home is going to be perfect and that a problem may not develop. I’m not saying my home is perfect, its definitely not. The ones I met with yesterday all emphatically stressed that there are a lot of really great things about our house and family in our file. But these little things are causing the problems, 1) my past childhood and no verification of what was covered in my counseling as a teen; 2) my husband works 70 hrs a week as an over the road driver; and 3) my stepdaughter having issues with her father and I because he didn’t raise her.

I have no control over how long records are kept by psychologists just as I have no control over my stepdaughter and her feelings. She is currently seeing a therapist though and things are much better between her and my husband.

As far as my husbands’ work hours, he generally is at home 2-4 days a week depending on his run schedules. This week, he got in last night and won’t leave until Saturday morning. He would have been in Wednesday night but was snowed in out west. Again, we were told repeatedly that his being a truck driver would not be a problem for our certification.

Couples in the military are allowed to be foster parents all the time with the military spouse being gone for long periods of time. Single parents are allowed to foster/adopt all the time who have no one there to help share the burden of being a parent. So being told that my husband’s occupation and time away from the house is a problem makes absolutely no sense to me. He and I are in constant contact with each other. We talk throughout the day every single day. When he’s home, we spend the time together. He currently watches the grandkids on the days that he is home and has been doing so since we first got temp custody of them in March 2006. If there is something going on that he needs to be home for, then he adjusts his schedule as needed.

Right now, I'm following the chain of command and have filed a complaint with the person that handles them. I will keep you advised.

[hopingtoadoptnWV]

Wow what a load of crap you are being dealt. Have you and your husband considered an international adoption? There are lots of older kids in other countries that need to be adopted.
I don't understand why they are giving you the run around like that.
If I were you I'd be thinking there is something going on behind the scenes that I didn't know about. I guess all you can do is file the complaints and try to keep pushing ahead. I really hope this works out for you and your family.
Best of luck and good wishes!

[Ashbre]

We're wanting to adopt a sibling group of six kids (8, 8, 9, 10, 14, and 15) that we have been close family friends with for seven years now. We have been able to maintain contact with the oldest two while they have been in foster care and they say that all six still want to live with us and be adopted by us.

Its been in the back of my mind for a while now that there was more going on than they were admitting to especially since they keep coming up with such assinine reasons for denying us.

I am currently following the chain of command and have no plans to stop protesting this. Thanks for the good wishes! Its nice to hear that I'm not the only one thinking this is wrong.

[stevenstwin]

Keep at it, Donna! THis is so complex that I don't have any advice, but I'll definitely be thinking of you!

[Ashbre]

Just got a copy of my homestudy last night and had a chance to read through it...I don't know where the worker came up with some of the stuff she put in there.

She put in there a bunch of things that just are not true:

1) kidnapped by father - dad was granted temp custody of us and later disappeared with us, not quite the same thing as us having been kidnapped;

2) put in there that as a young child I was groomed and then molested repeatedly over a number of months; that I finally told my dad only to have him believe his friend over me --- again, completely untrue...was molested as a young child but I believe it was one time, an isolated incident by the sitter's boyfriend

3) that I pled guilty to charges that I had stolen checks from my employer years ago, paid my fine etc... this claim resulted from her description of a bad check charge - a check on my own account that didn't clear the bank when I was 18 yrs old. I'm sure her definition is more exciting than mine but it surely doesn't help me now does it.

The psychologist who did our psych evals used this evaluation as a basis to my psych evaluation so her recommendation was that I needed to have counseling for this.

The psychologist put in her report that when we had teh scare this past summer that our granddaughter was molested, that it triggered some old memories of mine which is completely 100% untrue. Nothing was brought back to me as a result of anything.

I am calling Monday to tell the supervisors and the complaint person about these grievous errors. This is just plain craziness!!!!

[loving2foster]

you need to tell them what is not true in the homestudy...when we had our home study done and after it was written out we were sent a copy to read over and fix if something was written incorrectly...so, we did, they try to write down things so fast as you tell them about your past that you wouldn't believe a few of our paragraphs...but after it was all said and done it was fixed and it was the true...so, I would we write what it should say and have that handy...I will list paragraph number or what ever on another piece of paper with what is correct...you need to call them on this, it is not right... good luck...mom of 6

[Ashbre]

I did create a long list of the errors on the homestudy especially the main part dealing with what they had as the sexual abuse i was to have experienced. Her response was "okay" and basically they still want us to have the counseling (doesn't matter that what they wanted me to have the counseling for never happened).

[AmahMama]

Does the supervisor have a supervisor>>> It is horrible what they are doing to you. I'm sure glad that I'm not in your state.

Can you make a seperate "Attachment" or Declaration page where you address the page and paragraph of the errors and have a space to correct entries? Then make copies and send them to EVERYONE. and make sure you cc them on your notes. That way there is no "cloak of secrecy". LOL

It didn't happen with our homestudy but I had a cw get her cases "mixed up" and did a case plan that she turned in to the judge that was so far from correct that I couldn't believe it!! I had to go to the county dept head to get it changed. No one wanted to admit that such CRAP really happens. Even her direct supervisor just said kind of "oh well" like it didn't make any difference that it was totally WRONG.

And what does a bounced check have to do with anything???? I bounce several back in the day when I was alone and trying to raise my kids on next to nothing. I got everything gathered back up - but it wasn't a great time in my life - but jeez there are worse things. . .

Best of luck and keep going straight up the ladder. We (the kids) need people willing to keep at it until it gets right.

You are in my prayers!!

[Ashbre]

I did send the supervisor an email pointing out all the errors in our homestudy. Her responses were all "okay" and that she still wanted me to go through counseling -apparently for the things that never happened I guess.

The Kentucky Office of the Inspector General just released a report on the Fostering/Adopting department last month. It centered around another county in Kentucky but in reading through it I found numerous similarities to what I am being put through (stalling and stalling and stalling and then being told the children have been with their foster parents so long that a bond has formed between then; non-relative caregivers who had in the past, before the children were placed in foster care, not being given the opportunity to take in the children (that would fit us as well - the oldest daughter lived with us for a week before going into foster care and her social worker knew it b/c he came to our house to talk with her and even told me that I was NOT to take the child back to the parents house but not to stop them from taking her if they came to my house); retaliations - they have now said that we can't see the children, or apparently talk to them either, until we are foster parents - before we even started the foster parenting process, the kids were allowed to come to our house repeatedly and the kids are allowed to go to their friends homes without the friends' homes having to be certified as a foster home first.

I've been waiting almost 2 weeks now for the lead SRA associate to review my complaint. I've called numerous times yet have not received a response from her. Did call the worker who took my complaint last night asking for an update and she did call me back today. I then proceeded to tell her, in a nice way, that I have found these similarities in the Inspector Generals' report and suddenly, the SRA should be able to review it tomorrow. That in itself is curious since she literally had just told me, before I brought up the IG's report, that she wasn't sure how long it would take for the person to review it.

Also, I have spoken to an attorney who is more than willing to take on our adoption petition for these children. What's really great about him is that prior to passing the bar, he WAS a social worker for the Cabinet - lol - even said he has quite a few connections.

When do you think the state is going to realize that one of the main reasons I overcame my childhood was because I didn't just sit back and let things happen to me??? You would think by now, that they would have figured it out - lol

I spoke to a private agency about doing their fostering program (this is the same agency that currently is fostering the sibling group) and they won't let me until the state is "ok" with me.

And I can't really see the state wanting me to go back through their foster parent program after all the bull they've put me through already.