[jneen25]

I have been lurking and reading in this forum for a little over a month now after having made the decision to foster. I grew up with foster brothers/sisters, but of a different nature. They were all troubled teens coming out of CA Youth Authority on parole and not allowed to return to their families. So I understand what it entails to have a family member removed from your home. I have been doing research, have contacted multiple agencies in my area and plan to go to orientations for as many as I can as well as with the county in order to decide which is best for me. I have a few questions for those of you experienced foster parents.

1) I have become a little disheartened at reading all of the stories of RAD and aggression, etc. I more than understand that these children have been through so much and are in need of a loving, caring home. This much I know I can provide. I guess I'm wondering are all or the great majority of foster children RAD?

2) I am single and work full time. Are there any foster parents here in this situation? I truly feel that it is my calling to help a child/children in need. Being able to make any kind of difference is an amazing prospect. I am just curious if anyone else is in my shoes and how they handle it. How much time should be taken off of work following a placement? How difficult is it to establish childcare? I understand that in CA foster children are eligible for free/lowcost daycare, but one agency offered no other info except that she knows its available and to contact the state agency to find out how it works. Can anyone shed any light in this area?

I apologize for this being so long. I am excited about beginning this process, even though I am aware it will take awhile to get through. Any advice, suggestions, etc will be greatly appreciated. You all seem like a fabulous group of people and I know this is the place to receive honest, real answers to my questions. I know it will be a bit sugarcoated w/any agency. Thank you in advance!

[vernellinnj]

I'm in NJ but I have something in common with you..I am single and work Full-time +.

I have been fostering for 2 years and I enjoy it. It is not easy but it is rewarding.

With my first placement, I took off 6 weeks - I had planned for it (financially) and really enjoyed the time at home. I am entitled to 12 weeks unpaid leave due to FMLA. As a single, the unpaid part is the problem.... With my other (2) placements, I did not take any significant time off work - maybe a week or so.

I am in a professional position but am blessed to have supportive management and a lot of flexibility (i.e. work from home, flex hours, etc).

My state pays $155/week toward daycare but this does not cover the cost for the center that I chose - I pay $115/week co-pay. My monthly stipend basically is for the daycare co-pay. Needless to say, I pay a lot out of pocket.

It can be done but make sure you have your support system in place BEFORE your first placement.

Having a child truly changes everything in your life.

Welcome to fostercare!

[mijojosmom]

While I am not a single foster parent, my husband and I both work full-time jobs.
About daycare...in my state (OR), we do not receive any daycare expenses. What we get is a monthly stipend. For the kids we take (infant - 3 years old). That means a lousy $387 month. We pay a lot out of pockets. Most of these kids need clothes, formula, diapers, wipes, special food, formula etc.
About taking time off - we have never taken ANY time off for a new foster. I believe in having the kids adjust to my schedule not the other way around. Don't get me wrong...we are very loving, affectionate and nurturing parents, but what would staying home really do? Get them used to one routine and then a week or 12 later, make them get used to a totally different one?
Plus...I go to all court hearings for our kids and that alone takes a lot of time away from work. Most of our kids are medically fragile or failure to thrive also, so that means that I have to take time off work to go to doctors appointments, surgeries (and recovery time), doctors appointments at the nearest major medical hospital (6 hours drive away) and time off for early intervention screenings and PT, OT, Speech Therapy, play therapy etc.
I want to encourage you though...it is probably the hardest thing you will ever do...but it can be also the most rewarding thing you do.
At the end of the day...when I put my kids to bed...I know that I have kept them safe and happy for just one more day...and that makes it ALL worth it.
Good luck and enjoy.

[vernellinnj]

I agree with having the kids adjust to your schedule.. But, for my first placement I had to adjust to my new schedule as I had never had a child. I also had made preparation and plans for an extended time off which I so desperately needed at the time.

I put my FS in daycare almost immediately (although I ended up moving him after one week because I did not like my first choice).

I do not go to all court hearings but I send a note and current picture to the judge. In my state, FPs are only allowed in the court room to make remarks (if the judge calls them). It would be too much lost time for me. I have always received feedback from the caseworker and Law Guardian that my letters are making an impact. And, a picture puts a name on the case - judge like that.

My FS has speech therapy at daycare so that is another service that I don't have to facilitate (although I was the one to have him evaluated for the services).

You'll find that you will find a way that works best for you...at least that's been my experience.

My heart has broken when the children had to leave but I know that I made a difference.

Good luck!

P.S Just for comparison sake, I take 3 and under also - my monthly check is $556.00. All foster children qualify for WIC so that's another way to cut costs for food. I have never applied...which is probably foolish on my part!

[jneen25]

Thank you both for sharing your experiences, opinions, and advice. I'm soaking it all in and I'm sure I'll have more questions down the line. I was aware that foster kids are eligible for WIC, and I'm familiar enough with it that I would take advantage. (especially if I had a child still on formula) And I have been told the lowest stipend here is around $600 (which would not cover the cost of daycare alone, of course) I agree with getting a child used to your schedule and becoming part of your life/family/etc. I guess I'm a little nervous about how you secure daycare when you don't know when/if you'll actually have a child or the exact age, etc. I'm sure that will all work out as the process begins.

Thank you again. I appreciate all of your words of wisdom and look forward to more to come.

[mijojosmom]

For daycare...when I originally started I had no idea where to go. Before we got our first call I did a lot of research and asking around. I even interviewed three different daycares and explained that if we got a kid it would be very short notice. Then, I made a list of daycares I was comfortable with, and when our first placement came at 11 pm, I immediately started calling around (I asked them at the interview if I could call at any hour), and the first one on the list agreed to take him. Since then...we have not had any problems. Our current daycare provider was referred to us by another provider who decided that she was not able to handle our special needs child.
About WIC...we originally started our first two foster children on WIC, but we have decided NOT to do that anymore. For infants you get formula, cereal and juice. For older kids you get peanut butter, beans, eggs, cheese, juice and milk. The amount that we saved on WIC was not worth the constant check-ups that they required us to go to...certifications, weight checks, re-certifications, diet checks...eventually I didn't think it was worth the hassel.
We bought Cosco brand formula...the cheapest we found by far and diapers from 1800diapers.com or Cosco.
We always bought baby food from Safeway when they have customer appreciation days and issue a $10.00 off coupon.