[meki]

Hubby and I just finished our classes and completed one of two homestudies. We are getting our house in order and basically we're done. My family is soooooo excited and someone mentioned that agencies will tell you anything to get foster families lined up. That never crossed my mind, but i also know anything is possible.

[BrandyHagz]

Absolutely!

Especially if you have a very sought after age range and requirements. If an agency is telling you that they have infants/younger children with no special needs just waiting around for a home…then yes, they are pitching you.

If you are open to age, race and special needs – then they most likely have children in that category waiting for a forever home…some might even be legally free.

[shy_bear]

You bet they "mislead" to get you in the door. With the first county we signed on with it started that you could get 0-3 within 6 months. By time we were actively waiting it was over a year. One of their family's had been waiting almost 2 years for a baby girl.
I agree that the more open you are the more calls you will get.

We were told that if you go with private vs the county your wait time will be even longer. Don't know if that is only in our area or if that is true elsewhere also.

[foster_bub]

That happened to us as well. It was 3 months after our last class when we finally had children placed with us.

My oppinion is not only do they lie, they will sugar coat every child in order to place them in a home. It's happened to us a few times. Make sure you get EVERY detail about the child before they're placed with you. Sometimes they'll 'forget' to mention some details that could potentially cause a problem.

good luck

[hotspice58]

When I took the MAPP classes, there was no time frame given. I think alot has to do on where you live. I'm in Suffolk County, where there are more kids taken into care. There are more "pockets of poverty" which is huge factor. Nassau County (the next county), which is more affluent, has less kids in care. In New York, you can only foster kids in the county where you live. After reading some posts, not all states are like this.

[straightblues]

The whole system is flawed. There are good and bad people at every level. Be suspect of everything and everyone. Make sure you do as much research as possible.

I love my agency. I couldn't imagin them doing these sort of this. So just to be clear, not every agency is bad. However, I will admit that there are many bad ones.

I personally wouldn't even consider doing foster care without an agency. Getting ahold of county social workers is next to immposible. They are overworked and off little to no support for foster parents. Agencies pay you more money and offer you way more support and resources. It is the only way to go in my opinion.

[BrandyHagz]

I personally wouldn't even consider doing foster care without an agency.
Getting ahold of county social workers is next to immposible. They are overworked and off little to no support for foster parents. Agencies pay you more money and offer you way more support and resources. It is the only way to go in my opinion.

Proof that it does indeed depend on where you live.

Where we were licensed, this wasn't true. In fact, those who went with agencies mostly got extreme special needs placements (which had been turned down by the state foster parents), their stipend was smaller and the hoops in which they had to jump were much more substantial.

Additionally, I never had communication problems with my state workers...they always returned my calls/emails within a time that was acceptable.

I guess, in the end, the best advice anyone can give you is do a ton of research, talk to foster parents in your area, get feedback from local foster parents on how they proceeded and the level of communication they experience.

The best foster parents are the most educated foster parents – so do a lot of reading, a lot of research and talk to as many people as you can.

[BrandyHagz]

I thought I'd add, we've since moved to an 'agency only' state - here in Arizona, you are REQUIRED to use an agency - I placed nine phone calls, two weeks ago, to nine different agencies - I left nine messages - I got one call back.

Sorry I forgot to mention that

[vernellinnj]

I agree with Brandy re: state caseworkers. I have to admit that I have had wonderful experiences. It comes down to work ethic - some people are genuinely better at their jobs than others.

My advice - be your own best advocate, document everything and expect to be helped when you need it. Don't settle for less. If you are not an assertive person, you will need to become one. At the end of the day, people (children, adults, etc) generally live up to (or down to) your expectations of them.

Good luck.

[meki]

thanks everyone for the information and if anyone has any other info please post it..

[StacieGates]

It's possible that they lie.

However, there truly are thousands of kids across the country who are in foster care & whose parental rights have already been terminated.

Go to AdoptUsKids or go to your state's website for adoption & see if they have a photolisting that you can search.

Also, check out if your state has a Heart Gallery. Our state has one & they feature over a hundred kids. They've found homes for 18 of them now, but there are still many more who are waiting.

Most of the kids who are waiting are "special needs" because of something. They might be older, they might be part of a sibling group, they might be African American or biracial (it galls me that those factors make them special needs, but statistically, it makes them more difficult to place), they might have a learning disability or physical impairment. They might also have some kind of behavioral or emotional issue.

Be realistic about what you're willing & able to handle as a parent. If adopting a sibling group ages 8, 7 & 4 isn't a problem for you...go for it. If race isn't an issue with you, go for it.

There truly are lots of kids across the nation waiting for their forever families & my heart goes out to them!
God bless,
Stacie

[StacieGates]

Originally Posted by foster_bub

That happened to us as well. It was 3 months after our last class when we finally had children placed with us.

My oppinion is not only do they lie, they will sugar coat every child in order to place them in a home. It's happened to us a few times. Make sure you get EVERY detail about the child before they're placed with you. Sometimes they'll 'forget' to mention some details that could potentially cause a problem.

good luck

Any social worker who does that, imho, is idiotic! Here's why: Let's say they have little Johnny who has behavioral issues. He's been sexually abused and has been acting out in the last two foster homes. He was acting sexually provocative and he also was torturing the family pet. The social worker wants to find little Johnny a home, a permanent home. She lies to the Smith family about his background -- either overtly by telling things she knows aren't true or through omission by leaving out facts. The Smith family is so thrilled to finally be getting the call that they don't ask probing questions.

Johnny is placed with the Smith family & he begins acting out a few months later. Well, guess what...the Smiths got more than they bargained for and more than they can handle as parents. They try to get therapy, they try to get help and nothing really works (partially because they weren't prepared for the situation). It only takes a few more months for Johnny to be placed back into care through a disrupted placement (foster or adoption).

<sigh> Well, now Johnny has not only been the victim of abuse but he's also had three disrupted placements. All of this tells him he's not much of a human being & isn't worthy of being loved and accepted and makes future placements either impossible or makes it so that it's highly unlikely that they'll be successful if they do happen.

Ok...so that's why the social worker is dumb for not giving all the facts she can to the Smith family....

<off my soapbox>
Stacie

[mrsred]

Okay, first off, I must say that I feel we were either lucky, blessed or both because we have a wonderful agency, and with the exception of one (who was on her way out the door) all the state caseworkers we have dealt with over the past few years have been great. Our agency is careful to fully disclose as much information as they have. They completely understand the harm that a disrupted placement has on both the child and the family. We have just finalized our second adoption from foster system using the same agency. Throughout both placements they have been supportive and helpful. We have had an agency caseworker at our home every month for the last 2 1/2 years. A year ago our agency recieved a government grant to support adoptive families. So for the past year, in addition to our case workers visits we have also had monthly visits from the SAFE program director. She is all about "What can WE do for YOU?" She gets me in touch with mental health workers, she finds funds to pay for special activities - she gets us respite (blessed respite!).
Despite all the support we did have a disrupted placement a year and a half ago. We had taken emergency placement of a little girl with the hopes of adopting her. Her case was dumped onto the lap of the state caseworker in charge of our now adopted son, who called us, knowing we were looking for a daughter. Unfortunately not even the state worker had enough information on her prior to placement, and it was quickly apparent that the situation was not going to work. Our adopted son has special needs, hers were even greater, the combination spelled disaster. But, our agency was understanding and supportive and worked hard to find a new placement for her. She is still with that couple and they will finalize soon.
Anyway, I digress ... the other comment I wanted to make was in regards to what vernellinnj said - "My advice - be your own best advocate, document everything and expect to be helped when you need it. Don't settle for less. If you are not an assertive person, you will need to become one. At the end of the day, people (children, adults, etc) generally live up to (or down to) your expectations of them" - It is actually good that they give us so much practice at being assertive advocators because those are skills we use a lot once we get out kids!

[joskids]

I agree with what you said can happen when an agency does not give all the information, Stacie. And I don't think they INTENTIONALLY do so. I do think they can "play down" and issue by saying something like "there was a possible issue of some type of sexual abuse but it was never confirmed", etc. Right. Sometimes it's not confirmed because a child is in denial. County workers are indeed overworked and sometimes things don't get noted in a file or aren't followed up. We had a situation where a previous foster parent had not taken two children to either the dentist or doctor in two years. What??? And that skipped the file??? Anyway, I agree that you must be your own advocate, do not deny what you KNOW your family can handle in any situation. And don't be afraid to ask for help. You will need resources of other foster parents. They are the ones that TRULY know a child.

Josie

[JGarrick]

It must depend on where you are and who you work with. When we took our orientation and training, they not only didn't try to hide or sugar-coat the nature of the kids in the system, they spent a good portion of the training talking about the problems we would be likely to face. Having spent many nights reading a handful of books about special nees adoption, and reading plenty of the stories from parents here, I didn't feel they left anything out at all. When the discussion came to trans-racial adoption, part of the training was a video in which we were presented with adoptees who were both in favor of and adamantly opposed to being adopted outside their race.

Maybe in our area they've wised up to the idea that it's less work to place a child once with a family that's going in with their eyes open than to place the same kid three times with families wearing rose colored glasses.