[blankeyquilter]

I just received a call from my sister in law that her sister's children (ages 11, 11, 8 & 5 years) were taken into custody by protective services today. There is something going on that dad cannot live in the home or the children would be taken and he had been staying in the home for the past two days. My sister in law and brother in law have applied for foster care too and called us to see how close we were to getting licensed and if we would be interested in taking two and they would take two. We were asking to be approved for children under 3, then were told that there would be a slim chance to get a child this age, then changed to under 5, then again to under 7 and now these children may be available. This is hard. One of the reasons that I wanted to get into foster care is that I wanted to hear someone call me "mom". I just had not thought of taking older children at this time since we have two teenagers, (my step daughters) yet in our home and we thought that younger children would be easier to fit into our family. Would these older children call a fmom "mom" even though they call their biomom "mom"? The other catch about this situation is that the 5th child of this family is 16 and pg and about to go to detention and have the baby go into foster care as well. We knew about this a couple of weeks ago and were really considering trying to get this baby into our home. I am beside myself but I know I need to take one step at a time. I have the roll of mother with my step d but they call me by my first name. I just want to be a "mom" and be able to hear that sweet word! I know there are others that can relate to this feeling. Do your older fchildren call you "mom"?

[jackiesbooks]

My foster kids have always called me Miss Jackie and my husband Mr Brian. I had one fd that towards the end of 6 months started to call me Mom. My current fs does not call me Mom, but when talking about me with others calls me Mom.

[Happy123]

The older foster children we had always called my husband and I by our first names. When they would talk about us to others, they always referred to us as their parents. The younger ones started calling me mom right away, even though the BP were not happy.
Mom to many of these children is just a word. It is not always the mom feelings that people expect. I had one foster child who even called the SW mom at times.
When we were placed w/ our adoptive placement our son told his ** that he had a new mom now. He started calling me mom right away. It took some time before I think he actually felt I was his mom.

[barbhuff]

I've always let the children take the lead in deciding what to call me. Our thirteen-year-old-- though delayed a bit-- called me "Momma Barb" and one of our eight-year-olds called me just "Barb." The rest have all opted to call me "mommy." I let the choice be up to each child. (Most of our 24 kids have been under the age of two though...)

[MomInAL]

We have a sibling group of 3 - ages 9, 10 and 15. They started out calling us "Mr. Firstname" and "Mrs. Firstname" - - but it was actually the 15 year old who started calling me Mom first. The other two joined in shortly thereafter and now they all just call us Mom and Dad.

I will say that in our case, the kids have little to no contact with BP's - they haven't even seen them in almost 5 months.

MomInAL

[blankeyquilter]

Thank you for your helpful replies. It has given me food for thought and perhaps a different view of what my expectations are.

[Kate1129]

We have asked the kids to call me Mommy Kate and Daddy Matt. Most have done it just fine. If they have refused, we didn't make them. Then we were Mr. Matt and Miss Kate.

[ALI143]

My six year old fdaughter started calling me mom even in front of her mom. I blamed it on my kids that's it's just easier for her to call me that like they do. But I never told her to call me mom and never would discourage her either. If you give them a choice like, "If you can't always remember Suzanne you can just call me Mom." Then they could.

[FostAdoptMoms]

Given it is a family member it may be more difficult to move towards the kids calling you mom. I agree it should be up to the children.

I just wanted to share that we idenfied a 14 (near 15) year old to foster/adopt and when speaking with her - she said she wasn't raised to call adults by their first name (amom died when she was 12) so she would want to call me mom. She offered this information, but I can't deny I am not opposed and am actually pleased.

I imagine the other post re: kids following the lead of the others with regard to your title is also true. Having two bio children - our future daughter may have gone that route anyway as I am referred to as mom constantly - and rarely by my first name in the house.

I understand your desire to hear child call you "mom". I think it is a valid desire and hope that soon you will have the opportunity.

Keep us posted!
S-

[Mammie]

Hi blankeyquilter,

I totally understand your need to hear "mom".

My husband and I (who foster parent 7 years and under for the time being...the age keeps going up as we get more comfortable) are called "Mammie" and "Poppa". Those names were chosen in reguards to our heritage. And, to tell the truth, we kinda look like a Mammie and Poppa. Pleasantly plump and old- fashioned!

We have never had a problem with these names. The birthparents are not offended, because we are not refered to as mom and dad.

The biological grandparents (when they are in the picture) ususally get a big kick out of the names.

The kids themselves like them because 'they are weird names' and kids like weird things.

On a side note, we are foster to adopt. We are starting the adoption process on two of our boys that we have had since they were 11 months and 3 years.

Someone asked the boys (I think it was our Preacher) if they were gonna call us mamma and daddy...to which that cheeky 5 year old replied, "Any one can have a mom and a dad. Big deal. Mammies and Poppas are special, and so we are gonna keep them."

By the way - in reference to your post name, do you quilt? I am a quilter, though with my crew of 4 foster boys under 5 years, I have no time!

[Ms. Jackie]

I always called my foster parents by their first names. I only started calling any of them mom and dad after years in placement with them.

[bjhv5]

the oldest we have had was our 17 month old &3 month old 7 yo sib that we did respite care for for 7 days and by the end she was calling us momma and daddy.We never ask the children to call us mom & dad they just do more than likley becusae we do have bio children that call us that.

Deb