[Sunshinemom]

Hi, I'm just getting started with the Fost/Adopt process out here in California. I've been to a few classes already and am getting a bit concerned. I have three young biological children at home, and we are hoping to fost/adopt one more (younger than 3). I'm wondering how this will impact my bio children as far as time goes. I know that the licensing process will take alot of my time, but once I have a child placed in my home, should I anticipate a great deal of "activity" on a weekly basis? As much as we want to add to our family and provide a lifetime family for a child, I have to look out for the best interest of my children and am wondering will I be overwhelmed with visitation, court dates, appointments, etc.

We're excited at the prospect of adoption through foster care, but want to make sure that we are not getting in over our heads. It might be just I'm feeling a wee bit overwhelmed with the PRIDE classes, cpr, orientations, meetings, etc, that go along with the licensing process.

Any honest advice would be appreciated!

[leaabc123]

Ok, well there is no one way to answer this question. First, be clear that unless the child is already freed for adoption, foster care is no guarantee that adoption will happen. We have had 4 placements with the last 3 all ending up with extended family members.

Our current placements are in the process of TPR (termination of parental rights) but it is all up to the judge.

So, can you and your kids deal with kids staying for a short or long time and then leaving, sometimes not being seen or heard from again?

As far as time issues, it depends on the child. Infants can have court ordered visitation 3 tmes a week or more. Some counties will provide transportation, while others won't. And even with the ones that do, often there isn't an exact time for pick-up and drop-off. You may also have parents who have separate visitation schedules as well.

If you have a child that has health issues, then there will be more than average medical apointments. Plus, the time you will need to find doctors willing to accept medicaid if your county doesn't hve a central pediatric office.

You should get notice of court hearings but usually do not have to attend everyone. Some people feel that they get more information if they do attend. Court usually happens at a minimum of once every 6 months. It depends on how long the case has been open.

There will be service plan meetngs, also once every 6 months or so. Those, I always make sure to attend. This is where the bio-parents, children, extended family are told what their goals are and what progress (if any) has been made. It gives you a chance to know what is going on and also a chance for the family to ask any questions or share concerns about how you are caring for their children (this may not always be done in a nice way).

Not sure about other counties, but we are required to obtain a minimum of 12 hours of training a year after we are certified. The county sets up various trainings and we sign up for those we are interested in.

Also know that typically, these kids who come into care can have many many siblings. When we first started, we only had room for one child. This was one of the reasons we waited about 4 months for our first placement as they try to keep siblings together. So, you may have a longer wait. Or you may get a child who is separated from siblings and who will be scheduled for sibling visits either with bio-parents or separately. Also, foster parents have been known to set up visits for siblings on their own to maintain that connection.

Also, if your children frequently spend time at a relative's or neighbor's house, know that a foster child won't be allowed to do so unless that person is fingerprinted and background checked as well. And vacations, where the child will be out of your county, or state, will require social worker notification and approval (and sometimes approval of a judge).

Also, if there is extended family around, it is important to discuss this with them. As, your foster children will know if they do not receive the same attention and love as your bio-kids. Some family members may not understand that.

Hope this wasn't too much information. It is a big commitment.

[momofmykids]

Lea is right, great post!

In my PATH class, we tell our pfps on a weekly basis, "in TN, the goal is ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS reunification with the bps or some family member". Of course it could work out differently and does alot of the time, however, be prepared because it could be hard on younger kids.

jmho

[Sunshinemom]

Thanks for your honest responses. We are trying to go into this with our eyes wide open, and are well aware of the primary goal of the county being reunification with the biological family. As we get closer to licensing we will discuss this in more detail with our children, but at this point feel that we will be able to "handle" a child being in our home, and then possibly reuniting with a biological family member.

As far as our extended family accepting a foster child, I don't see that being a problem. Both DH and I come from families who are very welcoming, accepting and loving. My sister has adopted a former foster child and she is just "one of us".

My bigger concern is what you stressed...the meetings, visitations, etc. Our schedule is fairly busy as it is with school, sports, church, etc. It's just something that DH and I will have to keep in mind as we continue with our program. I'm going to discuss it with our instructor this week, but thought I'd come here first and get a honest perspective from people who live it every day.

Thanks so much for your honest advice. I'm sure I'll be back looking for more soon. I've been reading on here for months and really respect the opinions on all of you here.

Thanks!

[Dmommab]

As you already know a lot will depend on the child that is placed with you. If the parents are not married there could be seperate visitations with mom & dad. If transportation is not provided by the agency you will be expected to transport them. If the child has no medical issues drs. appts. shouldn't be a problem but if there are it certainly adds to the amount of time you spend at drs offices. I had a child who had 2 one hour visits a week with mom, 1 one hour visit a week with dad, speech therapy, occupational therapy & counseling so that is 6 "trips" for that one child. I think if you are "careful" about the child you accept you should be ok though. Good luck!!

[waiting home]

Yes ma'am.

More than anyone can ever prepare you for.