[reandruss]

We have been thinking about fostering for a while now but my husband wants to wait until we are both 25. I am 23 and he is 24. At what age did you all begin fostering? Does it get easier as you get older (more mature) or does it get harder as you get older (less energy)? I know that it would probably be easier to get younger ones so that there is enough of an age difference for us to seem like parents. What do you think?

[sciencemom]

We started fostering at 21 and 27. It has been a learning experience for sure, and maturity is a big part of making things easier, but I also think it is really individual, and not so much about "age" but where you are in life, and in your relationship. Becoming a FP will really test your committment to each other, and if there are any fractions in your own well-being, it will become greatly emphasized. I think the idea of taking it slowly, taking a child that is not incredibly high-needs to start, maybe trying shorter term placement, or respite care is a good way to start. We began making a commitment to one child who we knew would be going home...it was really hard, and when he left we had to regroup before taking our second placement.
I guess my advice will be not to push too much, both parties need to be ready, or you will already be off to a "bad" start.
I think it is great to be a "young" foster parent!
~M

[claschober]

I agree with what sciencemom said in her post about it being where you are in life and not your age. Dh is 30 and I am 28 and in our support group for our county we are one of the youngest couples.

Best of luck to you and your dh on your decision,

Cindy

[mom2GRLC]

I was 22 and my husband was 28 when we started 3 years ago. We were the youngest in our class... and we were questioned a lot why we wanted to do this now...rather than enjoying our youth and doing it later.

We had desperately tried to get pregnant since I was 19 and we definately felt ready to foster and hopefully adopt if possible. We wanted to be young parents...and to be able to watch our children grow up and raise our grandchildren and hopefully see our great grandchildren someday.

When we jumped in...we dove in head first.

Our first baby(we begged for). She was a 4 month old AA little girl who was in a full body cast...due to serious maltreatment. Other than the cast she was in good health they just had to watch her for signs of shaken baby syndrome. We took that little girl in and found so much joy in watching her grow and develope. Before we knew it we found ourselves with another kid than another and another, till we got used to having 5 children in our home at a time...usually all under the age of 5. Although we did take some as old as 10.

We have just adopted 2 last year and are in the process of adopting our 3rd, who will be finalized on March 7th.

It has been an amazing experience. I have my last foster baby right now....well maybe my last...we will have to see how i feel when the time comes that he has to leave.

The only thing i would change is....not to over load myself. 5 young kids is a handful and although it is so much fun....it is nice to take life at a slower pace so you can enjoy each child....on a more individual basis.

My whole life...well at least the last 3 years has been nothing but babies and family. It's hard to find a balance and to remember that you are a person to..and need your own special time to explore your talents...go to school.. maintain friends etc. Also, itis difficult on a marriage. My husband and I never got into arguments before.....until we became foster parents....it seems we differ on parenting and add the extra household work and constant....24/7 job of being mom and dad the stress really builds up.

It has always been important to me that I be a stay at home mom. I wanted that for my own children and I felt I was robbing my foster kids if i didn't commit myself to treating them like my own children and giving them my all. I am glad i did make that commitment because 3 of my foster children have become my forever children adn I would have always beat myself up if I had missed those special moments with them, just because they weren't MY kids at the time.

I don't think you are to young. You just have to both be in agreement on the right time for you...and the right amount of kids you can handle because it is a two person job....I wish you the best of luck...as you continue to prepare yourself to be foster parents.

Read a lot of books.....not only the normal parenting books but the ones on kids with problems...like ...Reactive attatchment disorder, kids with Developmental delays, kids who have been abused sexually/physically/mentally, books about bonding etc.
The kids you will get....are not your best friends kids...who are all well behaved...and wel loved and cared for. It's important to know what is normal for children and what behaviors and stuff are because of abuse or neglect...so you can help these children. Most of the children you will receive have been exposed to drugs or alchohol(which can have some major differences in their behavior or ability to learn). Most have been neglected they have learned to fend for themselves and not to trust adults.

Most children, thrive in their foster home and with the appropriate therapies if they need them. Some have been hurt to badly in one way or another and may never be able to fully heal....they may have scars that you can't make go away.

You have to understand what your getting into....it can be a very difficult time.. but it is worth all the effort you put into it...to see a child smile and see a well deserving parent get their child back. Especially in my case where i was able to adopt me 3 wonderful children.

Well...sorry to make this so long....I'd better stop blabbing.

[reandruss]

Thanks so much for your answers. They really did help.
Especially Jessica -- You really helped me see clearer. I think I am going to give my husband a little more time. We need to get into more of a routine and get things more organized and kid friendly.

I was an only child and as an adult, I haven't been around little children very much. I just have a feeling like I was meant to do this.
I have such a soft spot for children. They didn't choose to be where they are like adults many times do. What I am getting to is that my limited experience with children makes me wonder if I can do it! I want to read and learn as much first so I can try to be more prepared. I am hoping that love will fill in my gaps in experience. I see parents in stores who yell and curse at their children just because they are crying because they need a nap. I just want to scoop the kids up and hold them and take them home! I have been volunteering at the local high school to do some tutoring for the ones who have learning problems. These kids get so attached to you and look up to you like you are really something for taking time with them without getting paid a dime. I go to this school where I am the only white person on campus and they just can't believe I am there volunteering to help them. I love this feeling and want to take it further!!!

[jaenelle]

I am in a situation where I want to look seriously into fostering/adoption NOW and DH wants to wait a few years. Whenever he says that, it's not pretty. I feel like screaming. I already feel I am getting older to just be starting this journey and although we haven't been married long (only a month and a bit more) I truly feel in my heart this is what I want to do. But I can't really go against DH's wishes because it needs to be his decision too. So for now I am just waiting for the day when DH agrees with me that it's TIME.

[reandruss]

Originally Posted by jaenelle

I am in a situation where I want to look seriously into fostering/adoption NOW and DH wants to wait a few years. Whenever he says that, it's not pretty. I feel like screaming.

Yeah, I definately know how you feel. He told me 2 years ago that we could have children 2 years from then. Well here we are and he still says 2 years. We've been married 5 years this June. Now it's "Let's wait until we pay off the car in 2007." I think I'm going to put both of our Christmas bonuses on the car note and then see what he says

[NaeNae26]

Well, girls I am 26 going on 27. It has been really interesting and good to hear what each of you have said because it sounds familiar. My husband and I have had a rough first two years of marriage.

Seven months into the marriage I found that I was pregnant and two weeks later I lost the baby. I love babies and have always told my parents and my hubby that I want to adopt, have my own bios and foster parent other children. This was really emotionally draining and I thought I would die of a broken heart. I grew up in a family of six and I love energy in the house:-) My brothers and sister and I were so full of energy and into everything. My mom said we were her little conspirators. She has pictures of us in a huddle planning out what we are going to do next ! My mom said that, of course, I aways plead my case and came out looking innocent.

I thought awhile back that if something horrible had taken my parents out of our lives I would have wanted us to stay together at all costs. My mom said that we would have been a handlful, so I can only imagine why some foster children and adopted waiting children act the way they do. They just need love and help to make it through that time in their lives. I am rambling!

Anyway, I kept telling my husband that I wanted to adopt and foster care now. Meaning right after we lost the baby. We had not really had time to bond and form our routine yet because of other events that all seemed to happen in the first year. Anyway, we waited. Now we have been married over two years, I know not a long time, but enough for us.

We have just begun the licensing process and know it is the right time and we are in unity over the decision. It is very important that the children come into a family opposite of theirs and if you are not ready or your spouse is not ready, the it can cause a lot of stresses to surface. This can be hurtful and unfair to the poor babies coming into your loving family.

Take the advice above to heart and really make sure you and your loved ones are ready, because it will be a wonderful experience from all the families I have observed.

Good Luck!!!!

[mab_123]

Hi I'm new to this and just wanted to put my 2 cents in
I'm 26 and my hubby is 27. We have been married for 5 1/2 years now and have talked about adoption before. We started classes last Feb. and have our 3rd foster child now. We were one of two couples in our class that was under the ages of 30. We have no bio children and LOVE kids. I think that it's not a matter of age but how "mature" you are. You really need to prepare yourself and really want to do it. Both of you need to be in agreement. It's the most rewarding thing we have done.

[leenab]

It's definately more important for both of you to be on the same page, than to be older.

I'm 28 today and Dh is 32. We started 1 1/2 yrs ago and were the youngest in our class as well. But we were somewhat settled in our life. We'd been married 2 yrs when we started classes and had infertility issues for all of those 2 yrs. We went on a cruise a month before classes and returned to news that we wouldn't be having biochildren. On our cruise we discussed what we'd do if we got that news. We'd always wanted to adopt from DH's country. And it just happened that our connections (our cat sitter who was adopted) led us to a fost/adopt program.

In the last year and a half we've had to make a lot of compromises, sacrifices (no out of country vacations, no more late nights in the city), but we look at it like this, we've had our time to have fun and be newly weds. So now we have a house and 2 adopted sons, 1 foster daughter we're hoping to adopt and have fostered 9 children in all.

But without DH & I both wanting this it would have been a complete nightmare. In fostering you really need a supportive husband/partner/family.

[Withay]

I already feel I am getting older to just be starting this journey

Jaenelle -

It's not really about how 'old' you are, but where your heart is. I started my classes in April of 2002 when I was a mere 46 . I am now 49, single and loving being a foster mother.

I have never been married so have done this on my own the entire time. In the last 2-1/2 years I have had 22 children live in my home (1 and 2 and a time). Of these, 18 have been under one year at time of placement.

To those who wonder if, in their 40's they are too old to begin foster parent training I say 'go for it'. It is the hardest, most rewarding journey I have ever been on.

Blessings,
Lynda

[NaeNae26]

My mom is now a young 52 and she and my dad are thinking of getting into foster care since we are all married and settled.

She had wanted to do it a long time ago, but did not get the opportunity until now. Since my hubby and I have been taking classes, she is now looking into going forward with her dreams.

[Withay]

NaeNae26 -

Tell your parents to go for it. They will have the time of their lives. It will also keep them young.

I am having the time of my life wrestling around on the floor with my almost 1 year (May 5) fd. I have never laughed so hard.

Good luck to you and dh and to your parents.

Blessings,
Lynda

[sara&carlton]

I'm 25 and my husband is 28. We have two biological kids, and now feel we have room in our hearts for fosters. Hopefully we will be getting a bigger place. I think in some ways it is easier when you're younger. But we have people in the community who are in their 40's and 50's who have fostered and sometimes even adopted!

Wish us luck though. Our children's services people down here have gone on strike so there won't be any fp classes for a while. Grr! I feel so sorry for the kids because they may have to stop parent visitations, etc. also

[lakin11]

I know this post was started awhile ago, but thought I'd see if any of you are still out there. I'm 26 and my husband is 33. We have been married a year, and are starting our fostering classes in Oct. We are very excited about the process. We are interested in adopting a sibling group. The oldest in the group is 12, will be 13 in Oct. Some people have thought we were jumping in too deep starting with a child that old. The other children are 6, 4, and 1. We both have a lot of experience with children. I am also a former teacher and have dealt with difficult children. I decided to stay home and watch my niece and future children. I feel like we are ready to take this adventure. I know it will be a challenge, but one we accept. As we are not through our classes and homestudy, I don't know if we will have a chance with this sibling group. I worry if they are still available that we will be turned down b/c of our age (or mine). Any thoughts on this?
Shannon