[profweston]

I will take my third of six PRIDE classes this weekend, and I am starting to doubt if I can provide what these kids will need at this point in my life. Is it normal to feel overwhelmed by the amount of information and paperwork this early on?

I am very glad that the instructors are giving us the real scoop. Everything they have said has been backed up by the postings I have read on here. They are not sugarcoating anything, which is I guess is why I am starting to wonder if I am cut out for this.

I am not looking into to foster care to adopt (although if a child was with me for a prolonged period I would seriously consider it). I want to use my resources to help kids in need. I am wondering if there is another role that I am supposed to fill. Does anyone know someone who switched from potential foster parent to CASA or volunteer?

[msheartofgold]

Sorry I could not answer your questions but one things for sure the people at those PRIDE class never lied. I was look back on the training we had a few years ago and said I could not believe that i was living it not alone people here has live it also, but somethings training did not prepare us for like becoming so attached to your placements. All i can say is pray for the best. I wish I could have been more help.
Good Luck in the future.

[L-A-J-C-R-C]

We were told that the classes are for that exact purpose, to educate us enough on the issues we'll face for us to make an informed decision to whether we felt we could do this or not.

I would love to be a CASA worker but can't because I'm a foster parent. I can tell you that being a foster parent has been one of the most rewarding things I've ever done, it's hard sometimes but very rewarding.

Best of luck in your decision.

Michelle

[sciencemom]

Hi,
I can't give advice about switching from FP to CASA, but I can tell you that I was a CASA for several years before becoming a FP...after seeing the situation of many of the kids in my caseload (many shelters and sub standard foster homes) I couldn't "just be a CASA" anymore. It felt like a really helpless situation for me, we are a two parent working household, but after a little soul searching I knew we could do better for the children out there that need someone to keep them safe. It has been a great decision for us.
I will also say that in the classes they are giving you a "worst case scenario"...I don't think they ever want to hear that "you never told me it would be so challenging"...when you have a child in your home, even the most traumatized/challenging child has good times and bad times, and you can really hold onto the good times.
Hope this helps!
~M

[profweston]

Thanks for the encouragement. I have been thinking and praying, and I went to class today. I feel a lot better. I think that I was focusing on taking very yound children, and I have realized that even with all their challanges that I might have more to offer an older child. I think I am going to change my preference from 0-5 to 3-8 y.o.

I also talked to several people in our group. Thank God, they are all having doubts and confusion too. I think that this is exactly the point of the classes and I pray that all of us in the class will have a much better idea of what we can handle and what we are prepared for by the end.

Anyway, regardless of what happens, I have grown a lot just from the few classes that I have taken. It has been worthwhile!

[HappyMomAnna]

I feel anyone who attends the classes and isn't worried that they may or may not be able to provide everything---are the foster parents I would fear the most.

I think it is completely normal to check your soul and to consider what your could do if you were in one of the WORST CASE situations.

I don't think many families start to Foster so they CAN take the Worst Cases!! But many families who do foster may very well be families in the situation of parenting the worst cases....so.... anything can happen.

Self doubt is actually a good sign. It is this process that will lead you to a point of knowing your own limits.

[whoownsthis]

Have you considered just doing respite foster care? My husband and I initially became foster licensed last summer because we want to adopt, but we were recently asked to offer weekend respite care to another family so that we could get to know a sibling group who might become available for adoption soon.

My husband was initially reluctant, but what we've learned after doing respite four times for two different families now is that we're pretty good at it! The children are generally better behaved at our house because they don't know us and we have read all of the books and know what to expect. (We don't let them manipulate us, we have them do age-appropriate chores, and we try not to cuddle or bond, but to provide a safe and friendly home. We do this so that they will be eager to see the stressed out foster parents when they return to them and won't compare their permanent foster home/family to ours and make the foster parents feel even worse.)

We've only taken kids for weekend breaks for foster parents so that they don't burn out and move the kids on to another family. We were licensed through a private agency, though, and the agency does a great job of insisting on occasional respite breaks for foster parents to spend one-on-one time with their bio children and spouses!

I'm even thinking that we could continue to offer weekend respite care even after we adopt, but not so sure hubby is up to that.

It's a great way to get your feet wet without committing to foster care full time. It will also show you what ages and problems you do NOT want to have to deal with full time.

Good luck with your decision!
Rebecca

[HappyMomAnna]

Great Idea!!!!---Wish you lived in my neighborhood!!!!!

[Cobb]

I'm sorry Anna, but I just spit Diet Dr. Pepper all over my screen when I read your post... Really, I'm sorry, but I can't stop laughing!!

[profweston]

I am DEFINITELY thinking about doing the respite thing first. At this point, though, I think one way one day and another the next as far as what I think I can handle.

I am talking it out with family and friends, and the lady that is helping run our PRIDE classes actually ended up taking them twice herself because she wanted to be sure that she wanted to foster/adopt. Makes me feel better.

BTW, I really enjoy these forums. Everyone on here has been super helpful, whether they know it or not.

[HappyMomAnna]

The truth is that there are so many ways families can help the children....and clearly this is in your heart! The classes and training will be overwhelming and many people stall--change their minds--come back--and find the right plan. We left our first few classes and thought----NO WAY---went on with life a few weeks and thought well--yeah we can do this---went to some more classes--felt like we lost our minds---thought we would be BETTER then the average and WE would be able to take care of everything without any problems...... Got scared...got worried....

It is all a part of the process.

We were pre-adoptive (meaning we wanted to have children placed who were already waiting to be adopted) So we didn't have the emotional issue of becoming attached to the children who might move on..... But, we were very confident that IN OUR CASE we would be smart enough and had such great experience that We could deal with anything..... We didn't expect the worst case.... and I wouldn't say we got the worst case---but we did get a pretty HARD case that is for sure.

So.....what do you do?

Get Stronger--Get Smarter and grow.

There is a forum memeber who has a quote I love:
"God does Not Call the Qualified---He Qualifies the Called."

Most people who KNOW they don't have what it takes don't go to the next class--and they don't ask questions...they just walk away...... When I was young and jobs were hard to find I had a chance to be a salaried Car dealer with one of the top dealerships in the country..... WOW this was a big deal in the early 80's just to get a job was next to impossible and a salaried JOB YEAH---anyway, I went to the 'group' training and they outlined the basic commitment anyone would need to make...Late nights, weekends and most of the fun holidays...Overtime was an issue--you cannot walk out on a deal in progress...quotas...on and on and then the trainer said: If you do not think you can do this--if you can't find sitters--if you need your Sundays...the door is over there...I walked out of it....cuz I KNEW I couldn't do that job with small children...........

If you didn't think you could make it---you would have walked out the door...or you will walk out the door..... But doing so does not mean you cannot change your mind and it doesn't mean there isn't a way to make a difference.....

Will anyone please Move to Oregon and give me Respite!!!

Cobb Glad I made you laugh

[Cobb]

Anna, I hope you realized that I laughed because I know how desperately you NEED respite. There was something about how you so casually mentioned that they move to your neighborhood that got me. The contrast with the dire need I know exists...

On foster parenting: I agree that it's the ones who have self-doubt that end up having what it takes. You're the ones who realize this isn't something you just "do"... Some people don't get the level of responsibility and commitment.

We too had a slow path to making a decision. I was a CASA for several years and dh and I together were houseparents at a group home. We spent several years saying there was no way we could ever be foster parents, we knew to much... Yet, here we are. Give yourself time... I think starting with respite is an excellent idea. Soon you'll find out just how capable you already are.

Wishing you luck!

[L-A-J-C-R-C]

Oregon huh??? HMMMM, sorry Anna too far from KY LOL. Cobb, too funny about spitting the soda; I've actually done that a time or two myself.

Prof. hang in there. You are doing the right thing by coming here for support. As you can see, everyone on here UNDERSTANDS just how you feel! We've all been there/done that! Take it one step/one class at a time. By the last class you will have a renewed sense of confidence.

Best of luck.

Michelle

[whoownsthis]

Wouldn't it be great if somebody started a non-profit group to organize respite for families who've already adopted??? I wonder if there already is such a thing? Hmm...

Anna, I'd love to move to Oregon. I've been recommending it to my husband due to the mild winters and gorgeous scenery!

But we're stuck here in the cold, wet Midwest for another 4.5 years until my husband's youngest heads off to college.

[Cobb]

Actually, there are organizations that provided respite for post-adoptive families. I know that many Lutheran Family Services now have PAC (post adoption centers). In addition to support groups, training programs and therapy services, they provide respite. Cost is on a sliding scale. I'm not sure if other agencies that help coordinate foster care adoptions provide similar programs, just that LFS does provide it here.