[abod]

Hi everyone.....I hope that you all can help me with some questions I have. I'd appreciate any info.

1. I see a lot of people posting about CW lying in order to get a child placed with someone. Lying about what kinds of things. (I realize this is not EVERY cw but I'd still like to know)

2. I also see a lot about not getting info on kids....what kind of info?

3. my husband is a little apprehensive saying that foster parenting will open our home to cw/sw's being able to stop by all the time and that our home won't be "our home" anymore. Is this what happens? Looking for honesty even if it isn't what I want to hear. (I guess we all are)
I'm just trying to make sure I'm prepared for this before we dig into it.

Hope you all understand.

abod

[mrbeansmom]

Well, I can only answer for myself. We have had ocassions where the cw told us the child was not as disabled as they really were. We have had workers tell us certain children are "typically developing" only to discover they are way behind and have significant behavioral problems. In the case of the children (sibs) we have now, we were told that they were NOT going to be returned to the parents, not going to be separated, not going to be sent to the drug rehab facility with b-mom, we were not going to have to meet the b-parents (and, in fact, were told they wouldn't allow it for our own safety), and we would not have to provide transportation to and from visits. Within a month and a half ALL proved to be untrue.

I'm probably not a good person to be answering this right now as I am pretty burned out and hurting.............

[leaabc123]

I don't know if it is lying as much as it might be that social workers may not have all the information and may not say that right up front. In the cases of an emergency placement, all of the information may not be available.
Sometimes, it looks like a child is going to be freed for adoption but then the case turns around or a judge makes a ruling that makes no sense. Social workers can only do so much.
As far as home visits go, the only time we have seen a worker is when a child first gets placed (or picked up). When they are placed, the worker comes in to make sure the bed ad bedroom meets all the safety standards. We also get a home inspection when getting certified and recertified.
Our foster son's caseworker is supposed to visit the home but has not had the time and she sees him all the time at the office when I bring him in for visits.
They really do not have the time to be stopping by all the time. Unless you have a bunch of kids coming in and out, I don't see this as too big of an issue.

[Elissa1111]

Hello all!

Mrbeansmom- So sorry for your problems and I can understand why you are hurting and burned. I think a lot of fparents have been there. I know I have. I am saying a prayer for you now. Best wishes.

Abod- I can only tell you what I have been thru and overall it had not been that bad. I know many fparents that haven't had any problems and others that have been one after the other.
I try and keep in mind that with some of my kids they had/have not be in the system that long. It is a blessing on one side because the kids only have the recent memories of what happened. The kids that have been in the system may have years of problems from other foster homes, bparents, fparents, SW, and so on.
I work with an FFA and not directly with the county. With that I have had some kids that they said were fine and ended up not being. I have had others where they said the problems were horrible and these kids have been hurt and will be very hard, turns out to not be that bad. I now just assume that it will be hard and that nobody can know everything that goes on in or with a child. Prepare for the worst and then it won't be as shocking if it does turn out that way.

Second the kind of info you may not get is anything. With one of my kids the county said he was not drug exposed when we got him you could tell that was not the case. I have also had info held from me by the school teachers. Teachers saying that out fchild is great and that she doesn't really have any problems with that child. Yet when the SW does a visit at the school and it is a different story. I had another child who the county had told our agency that the child didn't have a history of abuse but again that was not true. With my fson we were told he had bad withdrawl and was going to be very hard. He is not and it only lasted a few weeks. It is amazing what a little love and attention can do.

Third yes it is possible for sw to stop by when they want. I have only had that happen once and she did call as she was pulling up. I get a visit every week from my sw and it is at the same time and on the same day. I have one sw from the county that calls the week she is coming out and it is only once a month so not a big deal. I have friends that don't even see their sw, it's just phone calls once a month.

Foster parenting is not always fun but it is worth it for me and my husband. I hope this helps. I was as honest as I can be.

[Howdy]

I haven't had a CW lie outright, they mostly just don't mention important details. They say how cute and adorable a child is. Then I talk to the current foster mom and find out the strange or negative behaviors. Sometimes it goes the other way, I've been told by CWs of bedwetting problems where I never saw that, and in one case even the current foster mom had never see a wetting problem, it was apparently a detail that had gotten into the paperwork, and was going to follow the poor kid for the rest of their time in fostercare!

I've only had three placements, so I don't have a lot of experience. One of my placements I was told tantrumed a lot. She had one tantrum the first week, and then didn't have another until she was being transitioned out, a half a year later. They did not mention she was defiant, but she was (the techniques in the Love and Logic parenting books/tapes worked great with her so it was not a difficult problem). Also neither the CW or the foster mom mentioned inappropriate cuddliness with men. The CW maybe didn't know, but the fmom seemed to have considered it a very serious problem (but she didn't mention it to me until a half year later!). Being a single female might have been helpful, I can see that it might be very annoying to see a child flirting and cuddling with ones husband.

One of the children I've had, the only bad thing the CW mentioned was the bedwetting (which never happened), but the foster mom said the child had made a false accusation against the fdad, which later the child recanted. Since I'm a single female, maybe the CW didn't think it was an important detail to tell me. Also, no one told me the details of why the child had been moved from another prior home, but apparently (I later deduced) the bmom incited the child to make trouble at the foster home by saying racist things. I was rather surprised when the kid told me "I'm whiter than you and smarter than you", but luckily by that point all visits with both bmom and siblings were not allowed, so the family couldn't give the child more appropriate ammunition. The kid said all sorts of bad things to me about the first foster home, but when she was moving away and we had a close relationship by then, she confided that really the first foster mom was very nice, but that she (the kid) had been bad. She was only 6 yrs old in that home, so I totally blame the bmom and sibs.

One sib set that I turned down, the CW made them sound like angels, but I felt a strong suspicion that the children were fooling the CW. I think the CW was lieing to herself. I've been pretty suspicious of what kids say, since one of my placements was excellent at 'making up stories' that would sound totally believable.

My experience with CW and SW visits is that they are each supposed to come out once per month, but they actually trade off and each come every other month (so I get just one visit per month). They have never made any unannounced visits. The GALs of the children came one time each. The visits are not bad at all, they ask how things are going, they give me the latest version of some silly paperwork, they look at the stuff the kid wants to show them (usually toys or crafts, but one of my placements tried to get me in trouble by showing the CW a library children's book about how babies are born and also a page in a book for young girls that had a drawing showing how to put in a tampon - I'd never even seen the kid look at that book, so I was pretty surprised that when the CW came she ran and got it and found that particular page! How embarrassing!). The CW apparently knew this child tried to get people in trouble (another detail they forgot to mention, ha!), because she was very good at not reacting (except to good things like artwork). The kid even sat happily on my lap and told the CW horrendous lies about me (luckily going so far overboard they were obviously made up stories). The CW gave the child all her attention and listened to every word, then at the end she simply resumed our adult conversation about the boring paperwork.

The only thing I really feel is a bit dishonest of CWs is when they talk about how likely it is that the child will be adoptable (that TPR will happen) and how unlikely it is that the relatives will get approved. But that may just be sour grapes on my part, as soon as I get a child that I can adopt, I'll find the CWs believable! One CW was very good and as soon as the tide turned away from adoption she called me right away, immediately after court in fact. Another CW only mentioned the change in direction after I called to ask about a gift the child had received, then the CW divulged that the relative that sent that was most likely getting custody of the child. I was so crushed. I don't know when they would have bothered to tell me if I hadn't called.

[lilyiniowa]

I feel like a lucky one. I talk to my kids social worker weekly, sometimes more if something comes up. We see her anywhere from 3-5 times a month. The only compaint I have is I am still waiting on a respite check from July Haven't cought anyone in a lie, some forgotten detail stuff but nothing major.

[ipumpkin]

I'll add my limited experience, too. I've been fostering for one year and I've had 4 placements. I've only had babies so I haven't had to worry about false allegations or bahavior issues.

First of all, I don't think I have ever been intentionally lied to by a cw. So far, every call I've gotten for a placement, I feel like the worker has been very honest and has maybe even made the child sound worse than actual. I have been told that a baby is 6months instead of 4. I have been told a baby is cranky, spoiled, did sleep thru the night or didn't sleep thru the night, ate well, doesn't eat well, blah,blah,blah. Some of these things depend on the parenting. Not important and how does the cw know? They are only telling you what they were told. You have to remember that in most cases, the cw hasn't even laid eyes on the child. The other thing they will be wrong about is how long the child will be staying. Short term always means long term, long term means til next week. The cw can't possibly know what's going to happen at court or which relatives are going to crawl out of the woodwork. I guess that the cw's should learn to say, "I don't know", but I think that fp would force them to make an educated guess and they are really in a tuff spot.

As far as not getting info on kids, it's the same thing. The cw doesn't know most of the time, either, They don't know any history on the child. Health status, drug exposure, behavior issues, middle name, what kind of formula they are on, their age, medicaid number, immunizations, sleep patterns, eating habits, etc. When you get a new placement, it is up to you to find out what you need to know.

I have never had a cw drop by my house without calling and giving a weeks worth of notice. A cw must see the kids once every 3 months in my home, my lw must see my home every 3 months. I love when they come over because it forces me to clean the house and I like talking to both of them. If your fc has visits and you are lucky enough to have a driver, they'll come to your house to pick up. You don't even have to let them in, though! Anyway, I don't think there's a cw on earth that has time to visit their fhomes as often as they are supposed to, never mind popping in at random times! I wouldn't worry about that.

HTH

Good luck

[kforkids]

I've had it both ways - depending on the SWer. I've had twenty some placements over the past 6 years.
My first was a baby- the SWer knew the Bmom's history and told me 99% chance we'd be able to adopt- this in the first phone call- before placement. We had her 2.5 years and were not able to adopt.
We took a sibling group years later and were told that all the kids were "absolutely normal", just sweet as can be. They'd been in the system for 4 plus years, and had the same SW for more than 3. As it turns out, 2 of them had RAD, all had been sexually abused, one had Fetal alcohol syndrome, PTSD, and three were oppositional defiant and aggressive. There was more, too. This one, I feel lied too about. The SWer had to know! We were also given wrong info on schools, etc.
The most recent placement I took, I had such total complete disclosure it was amazing. I got copies of all his medical records (except for a 6 month period when a previous foster family had him at another doctor who has since closed his practice). I was asked to go to his IEP meeting before meeting the child and making a final decision. The SWer is wonderful! She has been easy to reach - we both do email, and that's great.

Your experience will depend on getting info will depend on your SWer.
I think I've dealt with a different Swer for every child I've had. I've never had one just "show up", but I am more out in the country. Some would tell me that they needed to come out tomorrow or something, but I've always gotten notice!
Hope this helps!

[stepforone]

Our cw always calls to set up the appointment each month. They are required to make monthly visits (sometimes they let that slide if they are seeing the children at visits - but they are supposed to come to the house). They haven't looked through the house but will sit in the living room, use the bathroom sometimes and occassionally request to see the child's bedroom.

Most of the inacuracies we've had were regarding race and how the case is going. Sometimes they think it will be TRP but it just doesn't go that way at the last minute. Family that they didn't think would pass inspection do or bios get their act together and complete their requirements. Most of the race issues are because the bios sometimes 'forget' what the race was of the biof. They will tell cw that the baby is part Mexican instead of part AA. Not that it matters to us but it's always funny to find out what actually shows up. I've had some calls where they've gotten the sex wrong but the corrected it before the child showed up. Age could be off, sexual abuse history or drug/alcohol exposure might not be known at time of placement. Don't forget that the person calling to find a home frequently hasn't seen the child, just talked to another cw at the hospital. I don't think we've ever been blatantly lied to by a cw of one of our kids.