[amused medusa]

Hi,
First let me thank the person who started this forum, I have learned so much! My husband and I just got back from our frst fost/adopt meeting. Ths is something we have wanted to do for so long and are anxious to do everything right. We have great backgrounds for working with kids and are not wanting a particular race or infant so I think we have a good chance of being accepted. HOWEVER, we have three bio kids (girl 12,boys 14 &15) and wanted to know if this will count against us. My middle child is really shy and is less excited than the other two. (He ctually is very insightfull and would be the best big brother, but he doesn't know that yet!) Do all the bio kids have to pass some kind of test before they let you fost/adopt? How do I handle this? Thanks!

[tlc4kidz]

First of all congrats on your decision!! Our bios were 5 and 9 when we started and they did have to meet with our cw a couple times during the home study process. They met alone with her once and as a family another time. She said my oldest asked her more questions and talked more than any other child ever had in her many years of doing home studies........freaked us out a little, but must've been okay . Our youngest hid in his room with his pillow over his head and said he WAS NOT going to talk to her. She went in his room and managed to drag a few answers out of him.

With your's being older they will probably have a little more input. My parents were a little worried about how fostering would affect our bio's, but they now say it has been good for them. They are kinder and gentler and are now wonderful "forever brothers" to their baby brother and sister!

[amused medusa]

Thanks for getting back to me so quickly. It's nice to hear from someone who's been there. Anything else I should watch for?

[alle_h]

when we started taking the classes over a year ago, we only had one child in our home, and another that lived with his mom. so we took a different approch for each.
Sam was 10 so we let him be really involved with the whole process. We talked about what happened in the classes with him, we let him help us fill out the paper work that concerned our homelife. I distinctly remember asking him to help me with the question "What do you do when you're mad?" and he asnwered " mom, you do dishes." lol
Another thing we did was as soon as we started the classes, we had Jad come to live with us. Jad was our ageless, genderless imaginary foster child that we worked into everyday situations. at dinner Sammy would set a place at the table to Jad, and we took 30 mins out of our night time activities to be Jad's bath time. we started practicing saying "now, if Jad is a baby..." how would we handle that situation? or " if Jad is a girl and goes to school..."
And it's amazing how much that helped our son here understand how these children would be in his life as well. The son who lived with his mom, Joseph was 9 at the time, and he really took to the Jad idea as well. We would talk on the phone about what we thought could be good for Jad and he would give his opinion as well.
Even now, over a year later, sometimes Jad pops out of the closet and needs to be held or needs to eat dinner (at our now full table lol) or needs to share sammy's bed.
i'm really glad that you've started into fostering=) it really does change the dynamic of the family but for the children and for you it is a life altering experiance.
Sammy is already talking about how he wants to foster when he "finally finds a real girlfriend". hehehe
i wish you well,
-alle-

[amused medusa]

Thanks for the help Alle. I was curious to know whether you had looked into finding a forum or board with input from bio kids who had been there/done that when they were older (teens)? I think it would help them to talk to some of their peers. Are you aware of anything like this?

[alle_h]

Actually, that's a really good idea, but i hadn't looked into it. I was raised in a family that was involved in foster care, though. My mother still fosters even though she and dad are retired. Now that i think about it, probably the best thing you could do is get close with another foster family that also has bio kids in the mix and give your children the oppertunity to talk with that family. Maybe allow them to spend time at their home. My children adjusted amazingly well but our extended family has always been involved in fostering so it was almost second nature i guess. I'll look for a Bio kids board or group though, if i find it i'll leave the address here for you=)

[amused medusa]

Thanks Alle, we start classes in Jan. so I hope to get a better idea of who's availabe to talk with them then.