[HopefulMommyNC]

Our foster son B is leaving tomarrow to go with his grandma. My family is heart broken. We really wanted to adopt him and thought we would. The grandma called today and when we said we loved having him, she said what, why, he is such a handfull. That statement broke my heart, he has turn around so much since he has been with us. Has anyone had this situation before and what happened? Do you ever get them back? The grandma just sounded to me like she was doing this for the wrong reasons and that she I don't know quite how to explain this. Her statements bothered me, I also got the feeling that she was very close to the mom who beat the older brother almost to death. Sometimes I don't understand DSS! Why are they letting him go there. So far I have had positive experiances with DSS, but I guess this one was my time to get a bad taste in my mouth. How close to they watch these kinship placements? I just want to have an idea what this sweet VERY BUSY two year old is up for when he leaves me.
My other foster children I have been happy to make a small positive difference in they short stays, but this little boy was different, you know what I mean, the one you loved so much you thought that you would burst and that would be your forever child? But, I only want what is best but this situtation doesn't feel right, the things she said don't sit well with me. Anything any of you can offer I would be so grateful! Thank you in adavnce!!!!!!!!!!
meghan

[MommyofEli]

That is soooo sad! I can't believe his grandma said that about him! I would be mad too! I asked about how long they watch kinship placements and after she talked around in circles I got that the case would be open for another 30 days after the placement. Maybe he will be to much of a "hand full" for her and turn him back into the state. I am sure they will give him back to you. I think if they see that the grandma is letting the child see the mother they will take him back. (She is not aloud to see him right?) I hope everything works out. I am so sorry! I know you must be hurting so much along with your family. Just know that God only gives you as much as you can handle. I will be praying for you and "B".

[kforkids]

If you have concerns, share that with the child's SW. Don't expect it to change anything up front though. Document EVERYTHING in detail! Share with the SW the comments you made about the relationship with the parent who injured this child's sibling.
If you love this child and are open to it, offer to babysit and do respite for the grandmother. It can show her and the SW that you truly love the child and are concerned about him. IF something happens, and the placement can't continue, you are then the obvious place to move him to. It keeps you involved with him, too! It does not always happen, but does sometimes! I have gotten a couple kids back after a kinship placement.
Come here to vent!
Best of luck to you!

[barbhuff]

Since EVERY ONE of my 14 former kids have gone on to grandparents (#15 is soon to go on to bio dad's cousin), I know exactly what you are going through. More than not, my placements have all been referred to as "bothers" to these kinship care. In my opinion, my county doesn't care. It's a success to get them reunified-- that's what the law says needs to happen first and foremost-- and that's what they are tied to doing. If there's nothing inappropriate about the environment, there's nothing they can do.

In my cases, I was sick with worry over more than one of them. I would ask, "Come on, people, don't you see where that birth mother came from? They say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, you know?" Legally, they couldn't listen if they wanted to.

I did have one case where the grandparents were awesome. We've kept a relationship with the kids, and they are in a great place now.

I just wish that the rest of my babies had been so lucky...

Good luck!

~B.

[kikibrando]

I think it's wonderful you are willing to reach out to this family and have such concerns for the little boy's welfare. A very similiar situation occurred when we lived in South Carolina. Through our adoption support group, we met many wonderful families, both foster and adopt. One of the group members was foster/adopt and had a son, age 3. There son was in a similar circumstance of kinship going to his maternal grandmother. Unfortunately, she also had an attitude of the child being a "handful." That comment, and another she made about the child being her obligation due to biology, concered the mother. She called her social worker and the director of DSS, as well as the court liason for the child.

Because of the comments the grandmother made, the reunification was stalled until the matter was settled. In the end, the grandmother decided it was better to leave him with this couple and he is still with them today.

I hope your local agency will keep supervision for this family. You have very valid concerns. Best of luck with the transition.