[MommyofEli]

Ok.. I have a question.
My fd came to us Aug 31 after being passed around within her family( all unfit)(mom in jail) But the father never showed interest intil the first court date. The father legitmized himself right then and there. The court did not ask for DNA. Now him and his wife are going through the homestudy...prints and back ground check...and so on. I know this all takes a while to do. Are they going to let the father take her home before everything is back? I am scared for her because this man is married and has been married for years....and fd is only 7mths. I feel like the wife might be mean to her. HEr husband cheated on her and this little girl is the result. "M" can be a hand full(a screamer) and I hope this woman who may already hate what she stands for will mistreat her when she goes into one of her fits. The father and his wife have never kept her and have only seen her in the store by accident. The cw worker feels the same way I do. She said that it made her mad when he walked in the court room( she wondered where he was before they had to take her into care and why come farward now) And she did not like the fact that he was married and has been married and the baby was only seven mths. She also said that a lot of times the judge will let the family take the child home and if something comes back bad on the prints or what ever they will remove the child again. That would be the childs 4th time in a mth being moved around. Is there anyway I can help the child to stay in one place till the father stuff comes back, and if everything is good then move her. Because that just does not seem right to move her to the father and if they do not pass the homestudy have to move her back here and have to go through the whole adjustment again.

Please let me know what you all think. This is my first placement and just want what is best for the little girl and I think the less moving her around the better.(because she is a velcro baby ...She will scream if I get out of her reach or site)I guess she has had many people leave the room and never come back lately and is scared I will do the same thing.

[roxanna425]

This is probably something you don't want to hear and will be an unpopular but as her father he has a right to try to raise her. Infidelity or adultery isn't grounds to terminate parental rights. It's not helpful to the child for you to have an adversarial relationship with her father. She will sense your trepidation and your judgement of him. It seems that the cw is acting unprofessionally as well. If you can let the father and stepmother know that you'd be willing to provide respite care that would be a way you can keep in touch with her and ensure that she's treated well. I'd also have the cw advise the parents that their daughter should get counseling and see if it can be arranged. That way the daughter has a "mandated reporter" that she can confide in and if something bad happens they can intervene. The caseworker can also suggest to the judge (having this backed up by a chils psychologist is helpful as well) that due to the fact that this child has been moved multiple times it's best to wait until the father has passed his homestudy. Try to think positive.

[leenab]

From what I've heard the state will most likely wait until prints and everything is done before moving the child. I know of a few situations where biofamily was unable to take children because of "dirty" prints and back ground checks. I'm sure the judge will wait to see how the checks come back before moving the child.

You have to remember to wear the "foster" hat. I have mine on with T who's been here a week and a day now. She's as cute as a button, but I keep on telling myself they're looking for family and her goal is reunification. I adore her to pieces, but have to draw the line. T has a lot of medical things: tons of cavaties as well as a lazy eye. I've made the appointments for her treatment and just hope that if/when she moves on whomever she goes to keeps the appoinments.

-LeenaB

[leaabc123]

I just went through a similar situation with my little guy but the guy asked for DNA. Everyone kept saying that it had to be his because of the physical resemblance (I never saw him). the courts allowed supervised visits while the test was done. He only had one visit and then the test came back and "D" was not his.

If he hadn't asked for the test, then the courts would have assumed he was the dad. But no more visits with him, since he isn't.

As far as I know, mom has not named any other possibilities. But I agree with leena, they will most likely wait until checks come back because if they moved a child before that and the home was unsafe. Not only would it be dangerous but imagine the publicity!

[MommyofEli]

Thank you all.
I just want what is best for her. She is only seven mths old and has been through so much.I would love for her father to have her
(if they pass the homestudy )The last time she was placed with some of her family for a week and it turned out that they had a convicted child molester in the home. So she was moved here, and we had to take her to the doc and tell them to check her out to make sure she was alright. Why didn't they know that before placing her there? Maybe this time they will be more careful! Maybe we will have the same jugde and he will remember that and wait.
I would love to hear other peoples stories about situations like this...keep them coming! With this being my first placement I don't know how it all works.

[jodybird511]

My now-adopted daughter was removed from a non-relative foster home to be placed with family b/c the family got a court order requiring it-even though full background check was not complete. When the check came back, one family member had a history that required she be moved (at which time she came into care with us). Point of the story is that they don't always wait to get the findings from background checks before placing the child!

[HopefulMommyNC]

We found out today that our foster son B's grandma wants him, if he goes to her and it doesn't work out will he come back to us or what, he is so sweet and has blended so well with our family, we were hoping to adopt him if he became available. What happen to others in this situation? We are his only foster family so far. We are heartbroken b/c we knew there was a VERY slim chance he'd be able to go back to his parents so we let ourselves get our hopes up for adoption.
Any input would be wonderful, thanks in advance!

[MommyofEli]

I was told that my fd would come back to me if it did not work out with her father.(If her father gets her...has to pass homestudy first)I think if you tell the cw that you would want him back..they will be glad to do so.(easy placement for the cw....One call thats all!)I hope everything works out and the child is in a loving and safe home where ever it is...I hope with you, and he will if it is meant to be. GOOD LUCK! These little ones just sneak into your heart before you know it, don't they?

[nursie]

Our fs returned to us after his return to bmom didn't work out (positive drug screen on bmom.) In our county they try to put children back into their previous foster home. That of course is if the foster family wants the child back. They did ask us when they took him home the first time if we would consider taking him back if he returned to care. Make sure the CW knows you are willing to take him back should things not work out.
It is difficult to let them go and yes indeed they do sneak in to your heart.