[lumina]

I am freaking out. We haven't even finished the paperwork yet. We have all the classes done though. And now I feel like I'm having second thoughts. We are signing up for fost/adopt. What happens if we get a foster child that doesn't fit in with our family and we don't feel like we can adopt him/her? Then our room would be filled and if another came along that might fit our family better, and we can't take that child or never even meet that child. Does this make sense. Part of me thinks I should just do adopt. Part of me thinks we should just do foster. I'm feeling torn up......and I haven't even been able to get my hubby to sit for an hour and fill out paperwork. Ha!

[nrj]

I was approved for adoption and waited about 6 months for a match. I read through several profiles and was one of three considered for 13 year old girl. I am a single parent and this child wanted a mother and father, so I wasn't chosen, in fact they let most of that decision to the child and let her review all of our profiles. I do understand that she wanted both parents and I certainly cant argue with that. I felt that I wasnt having much luck with the adoption matching and began the approval for foster/adoption. I thought that I may like this better because you can actually get to know the child and have her in your home and then "if" she was put up for adoption , I would have first choice. These would only be children who would "most likely" be up for adoption. The hard part about that is that I may have children taken away who I was getting fond of and attached to and that it would be very difficult for me to see them leave. When I was nearly approved for foster, I did get a good a child match , a 15 year old girl through the adoption agancy, and she's been with me for 3 months. That will be final in October. The age that Im interested in is 12 to 15, since I have to work outside my home. I am still being approved for foster/adopt for the next child though. I've decided to cover both of them and let the chips fall where they may. You do not have to take any child that doesn't feel right to you. and you don't have to finalize if you're not sure about the child. In fact they probably wont feel right for the first few months, as they come with all sorts of issues and challanges which is unfortunate. The first few months was a difficult adjustment period for me, but it's getting better. Is it possible to be approved for both in your state. Im from Pa. and we can be here. NRJ

[lumina]

Thanks for your response. I guess it just depends then? I know the social worker here said there are LOTS of people who are JUST adopt (not foster)....and they wait a long time. I think we'll just stick with the original plan fost/adopt. And keep looking through photolistings.

[tlc4kidz]

We chose the foster/adopt route and decided not to have our hopes on adoption at all, but concentrate on helping a child for whatever time they were with us. The first 2 we had were placed for adoption, but were not a good match for our family. We felt it in our hearts...it is SO hard to explain. I had other fosterparents tell me when the right one comes along YOU KNOW. It was SO hard to let them go and never know if a forever child would come into our lives. By listening to "that voice", which I believe to be God's will, we have seen how blessed they are in their new families.

We are now in the TPR/adoption process with our fd, who's been with us from 2 days old and is now 16 1/2 months. We got a surprise bonus when her brother was born 2 months ago!! I think it's perfectly normal to freak out before you begin....I had the EXACT same feelings. Just have faith that when and if your forever child comes along you will know.

[lumina]

What a sweet post fosterma!! Very heartwarming and reassuring.

Thanks!


I guess I will know when it happens!

[ChristyES]

You just have to take a chance! In order to have the heart to do fostercare, you have to think about helping children and providing a loving home for the time you are needed rather than finding a forever child, but it's surprising how many of these cases do end up in adoption.

Our first foster son was going to be with us for four weeks. The social worker was so convinced of his reunification that she was trying to have his court date moved up. Then things just started to fall apart with the birth family and he never returned home. Two years we are in the process of adopting him.

We had two fosterdaughters that returned to dad. It's hard not knowing how they are doing now but we were happy to have helped out.

And a second set of girls who returned home and are now back in care. One is now living with an aunt long-term and the other is back with us. The plan is still reunification but things are not moving along. We would love to adopt her if she needs a home but for now, we are happy to love her and provide a stable home and a good family example. We don't know what the future holds but I'm sure she will always be a part of our lives.

It's nature to be nervous but you never know what you are capable of until you try. Don't be pressured into anything permanent until you are sure it's the right thing.

Good luck to you!
Christy