[sfox1_72]

My husband and I have talked about fostering for quite a while, but today the talk became more serious when we found out there was a huge shortage of Jewish Foster Parents. I am a high school teacher and my DH is a full-time grad student who was formerly a Juvenile Public Defender so we feel qualified to take kids in the Jr. High/High School age group even though we don't have any kids of our own. We would be signing up with a Jewish Foster Care agency (we didn't know such a thing existed until today). The stories of Jewish children, especially the orthodox ones, who are thrown into a Christian world are heartbreaking to us.

Anyway, (I'm kind of long winded), I've been reading the chat board and most of the comments are about young children. What are the challenges of taking older children? What should we be thinking about?

We aren't looking to adopt, we're just wanting to provide a home for some kids who have been taken away from their parents, but have special religious needs.

Stacy

[Cultureshock]

One of the challenges with Teenagers is they get to have a lot of voice and advocacy in the placement! Most Teens like a Group Home environment where they can live with other Teens.

Even with a Teenager, state regulations require that you have to have Respite Care for them. Whenever you are not in the home. Most people would not think that you need a 'Babysitter' for a Teenager! Most 'Babysitters' are Teens!


Your backgrounds sounds ideal for dealing with the issues that Teens have!

I am curious as to how long the list is, and what the wait period is for a Teenager from your Agency?

[lucyjoy]

With teens, a lot of them have been in the system a long time and don't trust anybody(with good reason). Often that can lead to manipulation and lying-to you and to case workers about you.
Many also feel they've been raising themselves anyway, so what do they need from you? (When really they need quite a lot).

[chrystilynn]

We have mostly only had teens since we have become foster parents. We requested this because my youngest son is almost 14. We wanted to be able to pick up and go do things, and with babies it would have been harder. Anyway, we have had quite a few boys since November 2003. We have had a couple under 10 but most have been over. We have really not had any problems except a little with a curfew time. We make the rules known right from the beginning, and stick with them. One boy (16) even helped me make dinner a couple nights. He had never cooked hamburger. I think patience, respect, and consideration are three words that come to mind. I ASK them if they want hugs. Some do and some don't. I always knock on the bedroom door so they know they have privacy.
We have even gone to the dollar store and bought a big package of toothbrushes, just in case one has to pack in a hurry, or, as boys sometimes do, forgets his toothbrush. We have had to come up with a water spray bottle for an African-Am child who needed it for his hair. So, I guess the last word I would use in Fostering is Ingenuity--so you can come up with something out of nothing in case there is a special need.
Good Luck with the teens, and enjoy their conversations, and their ideas of fun. My husband takes them fishing, plays basketball. I take them to movies and the store. And we have both taken them to baseball games, as well as have played games, and done chores together at home. We have found that if you make requests of them, rather than demanding them, to do chores they will do them without too much hemming and hawing.

[lostboys]

We also take in Teenage boys. The boys all have a different set of values and Ideas. They all have come from pretty rough lives. But one thing I know about them all is they all need to be loved, respected and need security. We have had very little trouble with any of them. We get them involved in sports and youth group, and try to involve them in possitive things for teens.This is different for them but they love it. They like being a part of a team, and they like the approval for all there achievements.

Most of the boys are behind in school, so they need alot of help in there studies. They like to learn and they like to work, but they only like it when we are involved in helping them. They just need to know that you care about them and that you aren't going to take advantage of them.

Teenagers are awesome!

[college_mom]

Call me crazy but when my husband and I became foster parents we didn't want to set an age limit. We have had from 3 weeks to 15 yo. In fact the 15 yo that came to live with us is still with us. Alot of locals here do not want teens because of horror stories about them. In fact she would have went to a group facility if it had not been for us taking her into our family. Teens can be more difficult especially if they have been in the system a while, however my thought is this.... They need love and attention as well regardless if they want to admit it or not. I love the girl we have now...she is a great kid. She is an honor roll student since coming to live with us and now looking into colleges. I believe that every child deserves a chance...in the state I live in if you can't handle a child after them moving in the DCS will find other placement.

[Gryph]

We take teens. Our goal was to prevent residential placements. Lately, we've taken several that have been kicked out of these places and we have done fine with them.

I would reiterate the values thing. Not any of ours have had a religious preference and all needed intense work on values.