[tancee]

Can anyone tell me about there experience or situation with a foster child sharing a room with bio children? My daughter is 10 and I Plan to foster/adopt Infant/toddler girls ages 0-2 years. The child will room with us first but move on to my daughter's room after. Can they share a room? I live in Minnesota and would like to know their rules also.

Thanks

[clynn]

I think as long as they are the same sex there is no problem. I think since your daughter will be older it will be fine.She may want to put up anything she don't want messed with.My three yr old fd gets into everything in their room.I have a five year old fd who I was told was acting out sexually so I have to keep an eye on her and don't allow her to be alone with the other kids.She will have her own room when 15 yr old fd leaves next week.

[DianeS]

There are some states that only permit children to share a room if they're the same gender AND the children's ages are within a certain number of years of each other. For instance, a 2 year old and a 6 year old might be permitted to share a room, but not a 2 year old and a 15 year old.

But that's a state/county/city/agency specific rule that only some places have, and I do not know if it applies anywhere in Minnesota. It's a good question to ask.

[TinaRP]

My husband and I are new to this whole process, but we've been in constant contact with the SW in our area asking a lot of questions. We start classes in September (can you believe we have to wait so long!?) Then it's 9 weeks of classes. We'll be lucky to be moving on this by December.

I am waiting on a reply from her now that is along the sames lines as this question about sharing bedrooms. We have 3 bio children and I was concerned about sleeping arrangements.

From my conversations with the SW, as long as each child has their own bed and dresser, they can share a room with another child of the same sex.

Our youngest b-son's (11) bedroom is pretty small, but large enough for bunk beds and two dressers. However, that's about all that will fit in there (along with his 55 gal fish tank). Then, seriously, it's going to be tight. The SW said that should be fine- but she'd tell us more when she sees it.

Our b-daughter's (14) room is a little bigger and she already has one of those futon-bunk beds (double on the bottom kind of thing). She also has two closets - so she should be in good shape for company.

When I start to question things is with my oldest son's bedroom. He's 16 and has our basement. It's basically two large rooms (along with a closed off storage room and a laundry room). One side of the basement is where he has his bedroom set up and a living room area with a sofa, loveseat, chair, TV, etc..

The other side of the basement is where he has all of his musical equipment. There is a door down there that leads to the outside (it's one of those that you walk out the door and have to go up about 10 stairs before you're on ground level). There are also four windows - but they are those small windows that are ground level. They aren't so small that you can't squeeze through them if you have too - but it would be a tight fit....however, there is the door so there is a way out.

I'm wondering if they will allow another child (only another teenage boy would be suitable) to share this space with him.

In our area of VA, bedrooms can be shared among b-children and f-children. I haven't heard of age restrictions - I guess it varies from place to place.

I've been reading the boards for a couple of days now and really enjoying them. Thanks to everyone for all the info.

Tina

[leenab]

Here in NJ the rules are each child must have at minimum 50 sq feet. So if the room is 80 sq feet you can only have one child in it. If the room is 120 sq feet you may have 2 children in it.

Also children under the age of 5 may share rooms regardless of sex. Children under 2 may sleep in the master bedroom in a crib.

There is a limit on the age difference between children who share rooms. I believe it's 5 years, but I didn't pay attention because we have no other children.

In NJ the child regardless of age needs to have his/her own bed and dresser. Also basement living is frowned upon here.

Tina, have you considered having your 11yr old and 16 yr old share a room. It would then free up a room for the foster/adoptive children.

The best advice is to ask... When you go through liscencing the liscencing worker will be able to tell you.

[TinaRP]

Hey Leenab,

Actually, I've thought a lot about moving Tyler (11 y/o) in with Ridge (16 y/o) quite a few times. My only issue is that the two of them bicker and argue all the time and I've wanted to avoid it. (Then again, I could be dealing with the exact same issues when other children are brought into the mix - so no biggie).

Ridge is very laid back and happy all the time - but has this little streak in him that wants to pick on Tyler (typical siblings, I think). Tyler can't take it. He just goes ballistic. He is one of those kids that is VERY book smart - but doesn't have the social skills to retaliate in a verbal confrontation (not that I want him to have a mean streak - but I do hope he learns to defend himself in a "nice way"). Meanwhile, until he learns, he does other things to get Ridge back.

One day the kids were all home alone and I got a call at work and the conversation went like this:

Tyler (gurgling sounding voice in a whisper): Mom?

Me: Tyler?

Tyler: Mooommmm...(whispering more)...my neck is broken.

Me: (now in total panic wondering why I work and how I don't deserve to have children and I can never been as good as June Cleaver or Claire Huckstable): Your neck is broken?

Tyler: Yes...and my pancreas too.

Me: (relaxing a little) Tyler, what happened?

Tyler: Ridge broke my neck.
(yelling at his sister, Alyx, in a "not broken neck" voice)...YES IT IS ALYX!!! MY PANCREAS IS TOO BROKEN!!! (back on phone with me and gurgling again), Mom...are you there?

Me: Put your sister on the phone, please.

Alyx: Hey mom! Ignore him. His neck is not broken. He's such a drama-king.

Me: what happened?

Alyx: Tyler shoved his arm down into the reclyner and started screaming at the top of his lungs and crying that his arm was stuck. Ridge ran over to help him get it out. Tyler screamed louder that Ridge was hurting him. Ridge was almost in tears himself scared that Tyler's arm was somehow caught in the gears under the chair. So just when he was getting ready to rip the chair apart, Tyler pulled out his arm and laughed at Ridge. Then Ridge grabbed him by the head and shoved it into the seat of the chair. Tyler wasn't even crying until he called you. He's fine.

Case solved
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Another time Tyler kept messing with Ridge while he was skateboarding and so Ridge chased him through the yard. When Tyler fell down Ridge stepped onto the edge of Tyler's shirt and didn't move. Tyler couldn't move either and was so angry. Ridge just continued to stand there while Tyler tried to free his shirt from under Ridge's size 15 shoe. It wasn't working. Finally Ridge walked away and Tyler didn't mess with him anymore.


Anyway - all that to say that my boys are probably like most siblings - only they have never shared a room and I dread their bickering. I keep thinking they will be nicer to f-children then they are to each other - at least in the beginning. However, we are not putting age restrictions on who we take, so I might need a nursery.

~Tina

[leenab]

I suggest explaining to your boys what foster/adoption actually mean and entails of them. Your children are old enough to understand how your family is going to change and should really/ideally be supportive. (like we all live in the ideal world.)

You're going to have to set a lot of limits and have rules written out for all of the children. A lot of rules and structure will help the situation. I suggest start getting your children ready for the rules, let them help you decide what the rules should be. Read as many books on older child adoption as possible, have a therapist ready.

-LeenaB