[bcrl]

I have a HUGE question for all you foster parents out there....I have been a foster/adopt home for right at a year now. I got my first and only placement in July and we still have him. But, in Dec i got married, now the state is saying that we cant adopt. They are saying that since we havent been married for 2 years that we are no longer an adoptive home....But, i was one before i got married....so its like they are punishing me for getting married....We are very interested in adopting the baby that we have.... Is there a way around this "requiement" they have? Has anyone out there had this problem?? Desperate for answers! We have hired a lawyer and have court in July...

[Gryph]

Sometimes you got to trust the system with all its flaws and unfairness. Statistically, the first years of marriage are the most difficult. They do not want to add the mega-stress of an adoptive child during this time of adjustment. Many stable marriages fail under this stress. Continue with foster care for two years.

[HappyMomAnna]

Most states do have rules about the length of marriage before an adoptive placement can be made. While I have not heard of this exact situation in the past--my husband and I had to wait our two years in order to adopt--even though we planned on it before we were marred--even though we dated forever before we got married--even though we were old and mature and solid and financially stable and had expereince and blah blah blah we had to wait until our vows were two years old....

[BethanyB]

bcrl,
Are they going to let you continue to foster the child until the two years are up? Or are they going to place the child in another home?

I think it totally sucks that they would not let you adopt but if they will at least leave the child with you - you could adopt in two years. I'm not sure if it works that way though. If the child becomes available for adoption, they may want to place the child in an adoptive home. What did they say would happen?

I know that in my PATH training through the state of NJ, there were three gay couples who are planning to fost adopt. They are not married so I assume they just live together. To me it doesn't make sense to let people live together and foster/adopt through one person but not let two people be married and fost/adopt. Crazy!

-BethanyB

[HappyMomAnna]

It really is too bad that the marriage rule applies. I know that in many states only one person in a gay couple is able to legally adopt and the other partner is NOT considerd the legal parent. Other states also require proof of the time a gay couple has been together and will require the 2-year min as well for them...

I think this rule is becoming more and more outdated but, I am not sure it will change very fast....

[bcrl]

Thanks for the replies. I understand the marriage limits also but i was told by the state that it would not effect my license... that is why it bothers me so bad that it has...My husband and i would have waiting until this whole situation was over to get married if we had thought for a second that it would hurt our chances of keeping him. We would love to be able to foster him until the 2 years are up... that would be fine with us as long as he gets to stay home. My husband and I have been together for 2 years... but im sure they wont take that into consideration....

[1of2moms]

I is unfortunate that you could be penalized for getting married.

My wife and I were married just 6 weeks ago but because our wedding is not recognized by the state and Idaho does not allow 2 same-sex parents to adopt together, this will not affect any possible adoption. We are both going to be licensed foster care providers but only one of us can complete any adoption.

The laws are there to protect children but then there are often exceptions to the rules that should be considered and can't be.

Good luck.

[sharkey]

Can you go through with the adoption yourself and have your husband adopt him after the two years are up?