[KathiSharpe]

My husband and I have talked about foster parenting for years...finally got him to agree His hesitation is melting now that we're homeowners.

Our two biggest concerns:

(family makeup is me age 34; hubby age 41; son age 15; daughter age 13... also have stepdaughter age 17 who does not live with us)

1) Three of the four of us are disabled.
a) we have a genetic joint disorder that causes pain and occasional dislocations. I'm affected enough to be on SSI, my daughter is more severely affected, my son moderately so. We manage to get along just fine, after all we've always had this...
b) my son (age 15) has Asperger's Syndrome - aka high functioning autism - with all it's attendant difficulties. (we know how to deal with difficult children, no doubt!)

I'm fairly sure that Bobby's doctor will support us in becoming foster parents. I read in one thread or another that a parents disability was protected under the ADA? how does that work?

But more important than whether REGULATION would let us become foster parents... will sanity and good common sense allow for it? That's the more important question. We need to count the cost, here...

2) Can foster parents homeschool? We're in NC, and legally a private school. Homeschools can teach the children of one other family. Nothing in the state homeschool law prohibits foster parents teaching foster children. Does anyone know anything about this?

My thoughts (beyond being an outright homeschool advoctate in the first place) are that a child who has already been traumatized to the nth degree really doesn't need to be further traumatized by a new school that's likely to be "just temporary" anyways. All the foster kids in my old schools were picked on, too Homeschool would let someone assess where the child truly is, the kid could relax for a while and actually learn something...

Thoughts, anyone?

[HappyMomAnna]

1) Three of the four of us are disabled.

Many Foster families have a variety of disabilities within the home. Some Foster Families only accept medically fragile children so the fact that you and two of your children suffer from disabilites should not limit you from being a great resource for Foster Children. You would just need to define the situations you can most deal with and how many children you would be able to handle.

2) Can foster parents homeschool? We're in NC, and legally a private school. Homeschools can teach the children of one other family. Nothing in the state homeschool law prohibits foster parents teaching foster children. Does anyone know anything about this?

School issues almost always boil down to the child's caseworker and the past situation the child was in. There has recently been a trend in our state to send even pre-school children to school in order to promote socialization skills. One of the big 'tests' done with the foster children is social and emotional and a child who is classified as 'at risk' socially is often required to have many opportunities to have social interaction.

When we had our 6-year old place the first year before adoption she was a foster child and we had to enroll her in Head Start or pre-school because she was at risk socially. Now that the adoption is final she continues to recieve a cash subsidy to pay the cost for 'social oportunites' like dance clasees, day camps and other activities.

So---homeschool would more then likely be the choice of the childs worker depending on the risks the child has. I suppose your best bet is to ask about these things for each child you accept as a placement since each child usually has a unique caseplan. Some would no doubt be better off homeschooled.

[DianeS]

Being disabled does not automatically disqualify you from becoming a foster or adoptive parent - that's the extent of the ADA protection. You still have to show that you as an individual are capable of doing it. And, as you are not a state employee, if you require any alterations to perform the duties, you'll have to pay for them.

Most adults have to get their doctors to sign a statement saying something like "so-and-so is expected to have an average lifespan and so-and-so has no barriers to being a foster (or adoptive) parent." If your doc can sign something like that you shouldn't have much of a problem - especially since you can point to the children you've already half-raised as proof your disability didn't prevent anything.

You may need more than the average amount of support, though, and backup plans and medical clearances. But you shouldn't get outright denied. You'll need to have people lined up to care for your foster children in the even your disability necessitates a trip to the doctor or ER. Most people have the option of leaving older children at home alone, or allowing older siblings to be in charge, or simply sending the children to a neighbor. Foster children can NOT be in those situations - there are specific rules about who can care for them, and anyone who isn't 18 is almost automatically disqualified, and most times adult babysitters have to be chosen ahead of time and be on some sort of list - sometimes fingerprinted and background checked. That sort of thing.

And about homeschooling - every state is different. In mine, the bio parents have to agree for the children to be homeschooled by the foster family. In practice that means it never happens. Other states have a blanket "no" - that comes from the social workers responsible for the child's education, not from the school system. So you'll have to ask your caseworker about that. Keep in mind that in many cases, the children may be required to stay in their own schools reagardless of where they live. They are in my state, at least. And since the average stay in foster care nowadays is close to two years, the "just temporary" argument isn't going to hold much water. But it boils down to being a state, agency, and caseworker decision.

Good luck! Keep the questions coming!

[jamie3]

In Texas foster children can not be homeschooled. I believe it is important for them to be in the public school as well, due to the amount of speical services and evaluation they can receive. Speech therapy and other services are so important and the professsionals who work in the school system are highly qualified to work with any disabilties a foster child might have. They can recognize behaviors and problems that the foster parents may not pick up on.

Public schools are not perfect, but they can really help.

[HappyMomAnna]

jamie3--makes some good points and again it is going to depend on your state and on the caseplan for the child. While in Texas the answer appears to be No for the reasons of accessing Public School services.

This is interesting because in some states like Oregon Homeschool families are entitled to have access to all of the public schools services including learning material, special educations services. In Oregon a Homeschool family can take their child to the public school for PS--Mucsic and use the school library. In some cases in Oregon a tutor is sent to the home for children who qualify for special services. In fact homeschooled Oregon children are tested annually at the public schools in order to meet the state requirements for parents who wish to homeschool.

So again I think this is going to be very specific on the children you have placed and on the plan and your states education system.

[KathiSharpe]

Gak -

Now, some of you might disagree...

And I might be starting a HOT topic here...

but I shudder to think of children being socialized in school.

My kids were "socialized" in headstart... they learned how to pinch, hit, and throw things. My son was also introduced to the concept of stealing things on a grander scale than snack food.

And we were in a very small new england village!

They continued to be socialized by school - when we moved to a large southern city, we got indoctrinated quickly - violence, drugs, gangs, sex, how to use condoms, and that it's ok to be gay... and this was before the second grade was completed.

It went downhill from there....

[HappyMomAnna]

I don't disagree at all and have also found the whole concept to be a little much to accept. Personally I have never felt 'socialization' was very important to learn very young. I raised my older ones through public school and considered my job as a 'covert-deprogrammer' much of the way--for them it worked out pretty well but took all I had!

The thing to remember with a Foster Child is that the Parent is the State....... It really hit home when our caseworker used terms like, "our children" and "we arn't always the best parents"-- (refering to the State)--during conversations.

[mzmawissa]

We are a homeschoolng family in Hawaii.We also homeschool our foster children.Their SW was very excited about the idea.
Melissa

[dadfor2]

kathiesharp: quote:
"violence, drugs, gangs, sex, how to use condoms, and that it's ok to be gay... and this was before the second grade was completed. "

I really had no idea that being gay and practicing safe sex was as bad as violence, drugs, and gangs.

Maybe you can enlighten me on why using comdoms and being gay is pretty much the same as violence, drugs, and gangs.

Oh, im from new england...Boston..the big hard city.....and yes, they do teach my children about diversity, and yes, they do teach my children about being safe and trying to teach them to stay away from drugs and gangs...

i never really looked at it as a bad thing though...its amazing how we can hear the same things being taught, but yet, have two different views on something.

but hey, im big on education, what can i tell you. i rather have an educated child then an ignorant one...but thats only my opinion.


dadfor2

[HappyMomAnna]

KathiSharpe--actually I was going to also reply to what Dadfor2 just did but I had not come up with the words yet.

Basically as Foster Parents we need to be careful about our 'personal conservative' viewpoints. The children who are placed into your home may have a gay grandparent, uncle, brother or even now a days--minister. The childre you Foster may be adopted by a gay family in the future.

Also when we are Foster Parents we are required to honor and respect the religions that the children come from...the families they came from ect.... Some people do choose to teach birth control to your girls and boys...I tought it to my children when they were very little...by the time the school got around to it--my children already Knew everything there was to be taught along with our familiy values.

If you have your own children and you do not want them to learn about a whole lot of really big things Fostering might not be a good idea until they are grown. The children you have come into your home will not automatically understand the rules of your home....and your children WILL be exposed to some very 'wordly' things.

[kforkids]

I'm in NC too, and know a couple of foster parents who homeschool. I know of another who homeschools their adopted child, but not the foster child, because the SW said they could not. You'll have to check with your child's CW. You would not want to "further traumatize" a child by requiring multiple changes of schools if the child will be reunified with parents.... It is possible that you would be required to keep a foster child in the school they are already in, even if it is out of district. This has happened to us...

[KathiSharpe]

Dadfor, we can take it to pm if you want to...

K for Kids... so were you required to transport them? Or did a bus come? Golly - in some parts of our area, that'd be an hour drive, twice a day.

You said, "because the SW said they could not. You'll have to check with your child's CW."

I understand that "SW" = social worker What's a CW?

Thanks

[HappyMomAnna]

CW=Caseworker

Generally when you have children placed you will be given the info on the details of their plan. If the caseworker wants the child to saty at a certain school the plan would let you know this. In most cases if the school was not on the bus route that is for your home the Foster Family would do the driving.

There might be a lot of driving for a foster child. There might be visitations, doctor apts, and other reasons a foster family would need to transport a child.

Everything depends on the PLAN for the child you care for.

[KathiSharpe]

Yup, visitations, doc appointments, therapy... all of that we'd planned for, and we're rather used to doctor appointments and such as being an encroachment upon our day, we've learned to be rather flexible with them and often do "school on the road" and picnic lunches when it's warm enough to

But to have to take someone every day... that'd be a cost that would have to be carefully considered (is there a family closer, is it a crisis, is the child so uniquely suited to us that another family doesn't make sense to begin with?)... etc. I have this recurring dream (that I realize is purely fantasy - believe me!) of the agency calling us up in the middle of the night with an autistic kid who has joint problems and speaks Russian and just happens to need a lot of love...

Hmmmmm. Will have to ponder about this.

[HappyMomAnna]

There are many things to consider and you are very wise to think of as much as you can before going into this blindly.

I think you are on the right track to have a foster child placed that will fit into your life style--believe me there are children who do only need a safe home and who do not have a great deal of strings attached.

Driving a child to and from school everyday would be a biggie for me too--I did that for two years with my bio children when I remarried and we moved to a new district! It stunk!

As far as the fantasy of the whole thing--I am sure when you were pregnant you did the same thing! I remember imagining myself rocking my beautiful baby while dressed in a linen pennifore--as the sun rose on the hills and cast a beautiful shadow accross the lovely nursery--the reality was I was a mess in the morning dressed in the same T-shirt I had on for two days--with baby spit up running down my back crying because the sun was rising another morning after no sleep!

When adopting I had this fantasy of waking up to a good breakfast and dancing about the house while teaching our daughter to make her bed and get ready for another day of love. The reality is that the first 3-months we had a daughter who had 5-hour tantrums every morning!

As long as you realize that our MOMMY fantasies are often not the way it turns out--you can start this journey with some level of true information.....

And asking questions is the best way you can work with the State and have a child who is a good match placed in your home. This really is the key to success.

If you do not want to drive a child to and from a different school then let that be known. If you do not want a child who has a religion you simply cannot deal with--and respect then let that be known too.

It might take longer to have a child that meets your needs placed in your home--but, the important thing for EVERYONE is that a placement is successful!