[signsforlife]

Hello,

I am a 24 year-old single woman in Florida who is seriously praying about becoming a foster parent. I feel that I have a lot of love to give to children who need it and waiting to get married and give that love to my children is selfish. That may be 5 or 10 years away.

I have researched and read a lot about the requirements and how much it will change my life and now I am looking for some practical information and advice. Anyone who can share would be welcomed (especially other single foster parents). Thanks.

[mckenna]

i started foster classes when i was 25 and got my first fchild when i was 26. i have been fostering as a single mom for 4 years. i just adopted my almost 3 y/o and i am currently fostering his 1/2 sister who is 19 months. what do you want to know?

[signsforlife]

Really, I am just looking for information on how you made it work. How did you tell your family and friends and what was their reaction? One of the things that I am afraid of is what my family is going to think.

Also, what can I look forward to in the way of home visits, interviews etc? Any information is appreciated. Thanks.

[mckenna]

well, lets see, my sister worked for dfs and she is the one who "convinced" me that it was a good idea, so i never really told my family, it just was. i went through the classes and did not tell any of my friends except one, until the day after the last class. then i thought, i could have a child at any time so i should probably fill everyone in. everyone was excited and happy except one (i could have predicted that any way). all of my friends have been very supportive and helpful. my family got really attached to one of my foster children and there was a lot of problems when whe was returned, they had a hard time getting to know the next child which was unfortunate, cuz he is now their grandson and they missed out on a lot due to their fear of getting attached again.

make sure you have people around who will baby sit, good day care, and a good pediatrician and an understanding work environment. you will be taking extra sick days with a little one.

in my state i had 3 home visits prior to my license and one every 2 years when i am up for renewal. the classes were every sat for 12-15 weeks ( i can't remember).

ok, what else would you like to know? lol!

[Dark Fate]

Hey there,
Welcome to the wonderful forums.

know your not alone wanting to do this at a younger age and as a single parent.

My Self i'm 20 years old happily single
and planning to adopt once I turn 21 witch is legal age in my state.

I do suggest that you do alot of studying before you begin.
And If I can of any help to you please let me know.

Thanks take care an may God bless.

[jhmarmstrong]

I decided to do foster care as a single parent at an older age than you and after parenting five bio-kids but have a friend who started at 21 and is now 33. She's adopted two children.

You should know how much energy it takes to foster these special kids. If you wish to get married and have bio-kids it may be harder because your energy and time will be so occupied.

Support is essential -- I lost three "friends" the day I took in my first foster child. I thought they were behind me doing this but found that they didn't want it to cramp the groups freedom to do things together.

Be sure you are a strong person, believe in yourself and know what you can and can not handle. It can be done and if you know realistically what you expect, you will do well. Good luck.

[Scooby946]

I too am a single foster mom. when my classes, home study, etc were finally completed, i realized that adoption from foster care would be difficult for me. in this world, a two parent family is always most desireable. so the foster route is what i turned to.
the best advice i can give is to read every book out there on foster care. and prepare yourself for loving the child and hating the behaviors.

[mckenna]

"prepare yourself for loving the child and hating the behaviors"

that is the perfect foster parent motto! thanks

[Scooby946]

the classes that i took for my liscense were great. but, i think talking to other people in your situation can provide you with the best information.
1) my family is supportive but, they are unsure how to deal with some of the foster care behaviors
2) be prepared for curiosity from all
3) have a support system around you. let me tell you, it is hard enough to find a babysitter for a birth child. it's even harder to find one qualified to handle a foster child
4) keep outside stimulation to a minimum early on. your foster child may never have been to the zoo, museum, movie theater or easter egg hunt but, too much stimulation can have a negative behavioral effect on these kids.
5) make sure that your boss and co-workers are flexible. your child will need to see doctor's and specialists. even the most healthy foster child will have visits and appointments w/various professionals.
6) prepare yourself for them to leave. it is your job as a foster parent to give that child a safe haven. but, almost all case plans are "reunification with family"
7) find a support group. your agency may have one. go.

[ladybugqueen]

I too, am a single foster parent. I am 27 now & have been a foster parent for 2 years. I would not change a single decision except I'd offer a couple words of advise:
--If you feel like you're asked to take a placement you're not comfortable with...SAY NO. Don't feel like you have to be the hero or you'll "make it work" somehow.
--Have LOTS of support (family, friends, church, community, work, whatever...)
--Be prepared for people to not understand why you want to do this. Get a response ready, because I'd be rich if I had a dime for every time someone said to me "I think what you're doing is great...I just couldn't do it though. What made you decide to do this?" To that, I always respond "I've known I wanted to be a mother since I was just a child. Mr. Right has an odd sense of humor, so he's hiding from me. Until he comes out from hiding (if he ever does), I've found these little ones that need love as much as I'm ready to give love."
--Be yourself. We teach the kids that they're unique & special, but we try to put ourselves into a cookie cutter mold of what a parent should look like. Look within...you'll find your strength.

[clynn]

I was not single when I started to foster but after only two months my husband of thirty years decided he wanted out of marriage. It had nothing to do with the kids.So now I am doing it by myself and enjoy it although it is a little hard by myself.I have three foster kids and that is my limit by myself.I was going to take four but three is fine with me.You can do it if you really want too.My kids are 5yr old fd,3yr old fd,18 month old fs.I love it!!!

[semay7]

Wow, there are a lot of us single folks out there. I'm a single fd in AZ and love every minute of it. I am the Program Committee Chairperson for our Foster & Adoptive Parent Association so I have a lot of contacts and support.

make sure you have people around who will baby sit, good day care, and a good pediatrician and an understanding work environment. you will be taking extra sick days with a little one.

That is sooo true. Everyone needs a break and respite can be hard to get at times. A good daycare, great work support and an understanding pediatrician are all essential. The State owed my pediatrician over $2700 at one point!

Good luck. You can do it!

[Scooby946]

steve, as a single foster mom in arizona. i'd be interested in hearing more of your advice, opinions and experiences. i am a birth mom to one and a foster mom to currently two (2 and 10m). i have been a foster mom for a year and, oh, what a year it has been!

[semay7]

I've been a fd for 1 placement that lasted 7 months. I am waiting for another, so I don't know how much advice I could offer. You should check out www.member.cox.net/azafap it is the Arizona Association for Foster and Adoptive Parents website. We do all sorts of social events (April 23 is an Open House at the Family Connections Center, May 19 we are tying ribbons around trees at Wesley Bolin Plaza in honor of Foster Care Month, etc), trainings and support for each other.

Send me your email and I can forward you some of our flyers!

Steve

[ladybugqueen]

I say go for it!! I entered into foster classes at the age of 25 (and single) after much prayer and research. I have been fostering for 2 years now. It's not always a happy or calm day, but my good days far outweigh the bad! In fact, I am looking into behavioral and career fostering now.

My calm house of me and a cat is now a VERY busy home consisting of me, 4 girls, 2 cats and a puppy! Life is a lot different than it used to be, but I wouldn't go back for anything!

Good luck and let me know if you need anything...I'll try to help!