[Rhondanlorne]

I was just wondering how they determine what kind of child is right for your family?I also am curious of how often do they offer you a child in your age range.Can you ask for a boy or girl?Do they try and match up children with their own race?We are in an interacial marriage so any child will be fine to us.I know I will know they answers by the time my classes are done but getting some early insite is what I am hoping for.I hear alot about people saying no to a placement,how hard is that to do?Hasanyone looked at all the children on adoption.com,there are so many.Has anyone adopted from there,if so I would love to hear your story.
Thanks,
Rhonda

[mckenna]

will you take only children that will be available for adoption or are you also taking foster children that need a temp home while their bparents work on thier service plan, ect?

i was strictly a foster parent until one of my foster children became avail for adoption then i adopted him.

i told dfs that i would take children from 6weeks to 2 y./o, any race and any medical needs of which they could still attend daycare (i am a single parent). at first i was only placed with white children (as my home finder put on my sheet that i would only take white children - her issue not mine). when i figured this out, i made sure that my home was marked avail for a child of any race. then i got a 3 m/o bi-racial son and i adopted him 2 years later.

i have always been called about children that fit what i specified and have never had to turn a placement down. howver, i have friends who routinely get called about children outside of their availability and they either had to turn them down or accept them and it just didn't work that well. you know what you are capable of and stick to your guns. good luck

[Rhondanlorne]

Thanks so much for your input.I am hoping to get a child to eventually adopt but I will take foster children.I really wanting a girl from 0-5.I don't knowmuch about the placements,i haven't even finished training yet.Iam also open to race,anyone will fit right in in our family.I really would love a baby,but my youngest is starting kindergarden next year and it is something I have to think about.How was it with your adoptedbaby?Did he have any medical conditions?Did they let you know aheadof time he was available?
I hope to hear fromyou soon.
Thanks again,
Rhonda

[DianeS]

The agency you're working with should be able to tell you how they do it, because every agency is different.

For instance, I've chosen to do foster care until the children in my care become available for adoption, then adopt them. But ALL foster parents with my agency are registered to receive emergency placements. In an emergency placement, all I may know about a child is his sex, age, race, and the absence of noticable disabilities. Beyond that, we take a chance, and we'll work our butts off to make it work so the kids don't have to move again. (But our agency claims they NEVER call a foster family about a child not in their age/sex/race/disability category. It says there are plenty of other agencies that might have someone wanting that child, so my agency doesn't ask people to stretch beyone what they write on the papers.)

If we're lucky enough to hear about an available group that meets our search criteria, we'll begin a rather intense matching time, including us reading their file, talking to their teachers, doctors, therapists, caseworkers, and current foster parents. We'll hear all about the kids and their needs and wants before we even meet them. If everything that we, the current foster parents, and the caseworkers hear seems to indicate a match, we'll meet the boys and they might move in and be adopted by us.

But that's just the way our agency works. Other agencies do it differently. (For example, you may not need to be emergency foster parents.) So be sure you find out the specifics from them. Good luck!

[mckenna]

How was it with your adoptedbaby?

my son was placed with me at 3 1/2 months "temporarily" while his maternal gp's got liscensed to have him placed with him. they were both in their mid to late 60's and eventually realized that raising a baby to adulthood would not be possible. so i became his permanent placement in the event that bmom was unable to complete her service plan. when i had him for about 1 1/2 years, she decided to terminate her own rights, then the courts spent the next year working on terminated his bfather's rights and his adoption was complete in dec of this year.

Did he have any medical conditions?

actually, my son has moderate asthma, but recently (knock on wood), it has been pretty well controlled on his oral meds.

Did they let you know aheadof time he was available?

i was called on a tuesday night and he was placed with me (as a temp foster child) on the next night.

[HappyMomAnna]

If your state is running good training programs by the time you finish you will have a slight idea of the issues you can or connot deal with.... By the time you complete the homestudy the state will know just about everything about your family except maybe the color of panties you have on--and then I would not be too surprised if they asked you about that too! (JOKE)

As you go through the training you will find out some of the reasons why the process takes as long as it does---and why good families who wish to help cannot simply walk into social services and pick up a couple of kids to help!

The course of completeing your certification is desinged to weed out some of the idealistic people who will fail due to thinking we can save a child with simple love.

Your attention at this time needs to be centered on discovering the various issues a child who ends up in Foster Care might include. Study--Read--Study and Read--ask questions here and I suggest getting a bog box and filling it up with anything related to child issues that you can possibly find.

My box is seperated in sections dealng with:

Birth issues (drug exposer, prematurity, defects ect.)

Adbuse and neglect (attachement, sexual abuse, physical abuse, neglect of feeding, neglect of attention, abandonment ect)

Emotional issues

Behavioral issues

Mental Health issues

Educational issues

Social issues

ADD and ADHD as well as other child syndroms such as Autisim, Sensory intergration ect

Fill your box up with EVERYTHING because after a child is placed you may find you need something you once read a long time ago....and hopefully it will be in your box!

When you start to work with a caseworker--be 100% open and honest with the worker they will only be able to make a good match if they fully understand you and your family. Between the education you give yourself and the insight your worker has about you the hope and goal is that the matches you accept will Fit with your family. The only way for success is to have a proper match and the only way for that is information.

If your community has a Foster Parent support group see if you can start attending the meetings before the homestudy is done....you will get a clear idea of the realities of Fostering after spending an hour or two listening to people who are in the trenches....don't believe that you are different--magic or know something that will make yoursituation better! Keep in mind that any child who is in Foster Care has suffered a great loss and also remember that if you are asked to Foster a child and feel the slightest negative gut reaction about the possible situation you are allowed to pass---it is hard to pass but, if you are not 100% sure you are ready for the child based on what you do know--then you will be in for a hard road because anything that scares you up front will be harder then you imagined!

Good luck and keep surfing these boards--ask questions and remember the only stupid question is the one you do not ask.

[Rhondanlorne]

Thanks everyone for all the information.My plan is to read as much as I can and ask plenty of questions.Is anyone else a foster parent in Virginia?