[Angelove81]

I'm undecided what to do and need to ask you guys for advice! here is my story I am 22 yrs old I have lots of love for children,I can not picture myself living without a child in my life.I found out when i was 15 i do not produce ANY eggs at all and I was going through menopause,I just got married october 23rd 2003 Sometime I would like to complete our family and very excited too do so.BUt I am undecided if I should adopt first or foster first I would like to do both..I really would like to adopt but i know sometimes those take ages and money...We are not very loaded husband and wife so I keep having doubts that we would be able to adopt :-(
But i was told if u adopt through the state they will help you financially? Well from what I have said can anyone give me your opinion I am open to all advice..Thanks So much..
~Angelove81~

[daga1629]

Hi this is only an opinion. First I want to Congratulate you on your marriage. You just got married, so I would suggest you first get adapted to being married. Being a wife is hard enough without having children. Enjoy your time w\your hubby first becuz after having the children, they take up most of your time.

My experience I knew my husband since I was fifteen. We started dating when I was 19 yrs old. We eloped when I was 21. I was on the pill and we got pregnant @ 22 & had Gabriella @23, but it was hard. When I became pregnant I didn't feel I was ready nor did my husband. My pregnancy was hell and it cost a lot of arguements, but now Gaby is his baby. We know also have a 1 yr old, Alexandra. I know age does not matter it's the maturity a person has. An example, my brother is 32 yrs old and has a 8 yr old daughter he hardly sees because he wasn't ready. I guess what I wanna say is first make sure you & your hubby r ready. I fun and the best being a parent, but it takes a lot of commitment, responsiblity, and love.

Now to answer between adopting or fostering. If you have financial concerns you can foster-adopt. Look up if foster-adopt is available to you in your state.
My problem with fostering I love children & I can't see myself providing for these children who can then be removed or taken away from me becuz their family wants them back. I'm too emotional & I get attached to easily. If a child is coming into my home is becuz their mine & I'm mommy.

Now adoption I like becuz they will be yours. Yes it's costly but pregnancy is the same. It's a long proccess but it's worth it. You get a beautiful child to call your own. As far as cost there is a federal tax crdt one gets for an adopted child. Also there's grants and loans. You can also see if your employer gives some type of reinbursement for the adoption. Check w\your & your hubby's human resources.

My hubby & I are starting ou r adoption proccess. We want to adopt from Guatemala. (a Boy) You might ask why do we want to adopt. Well I've always wanted to adopt. Also I mentioned I love children. I always said I'll have three or four children. Well unfortanately I'm not meant to be pregnant. Both my pregnancies were hell. Always in the hospital due to morning sickness I lost forty pounds with Gaby and with Alex's pregnancy I lost 21 lbs & my gall bladder. I hated being pregnant. Will never do it again. So adoption was our solution. Now it hasn't been a very easy decision. My husband had & still has many questions. He wanted a child know one could ever claim. We want a boy. Cost very big factor. We're saving every penny. And finally we scared becuz we have heard very beautiful adopton stories, but we've also heard horrible ones too.

Well it's your choice. Again this is my advice. Ever need anyone to talk to email me or send me a private message.

Take care God Bless You & Your Famliy.

Diana

[DianeS]

"Adoption through the state" means adopting children who are currently in foster care. This means usually older children, children who have been abused, neglected, etc.

It is VERY different from the adoption of a healthy newborn child.

If a person chooses to adopt a child currently in foster care, then there are several ways to go about it.

One is to get approved, and then search for a child who the court has determined will NOT go back to the biological parents. The courts have "terminated" the rights of the biological parents. Such a child is already "legally free" and can be adopted. The adoptive parents take the child into their home, foster the child for the mandatory waiting period that is usually 6 to 12 months long, and then finalize the adoption. This is "straight adoption".

The other is to get approved, and then search for a child who the caseworkers predict the courts will determine to not send back to the biological parents. Such a child is NOT yet "legally free", and can not yet be adopted. The foster-adopt parents take the child into their home, wait until the courts either terminate the rights of the biological parents or send the child back to the biological parents. If the biological parents' rights are terminated then the foster-adopt parents wait the mandatory waiting period, and finalize the adoption as adoptive parents. This is "foster-adoption"

The example of straight adoption usually (but not always) takes longer before you have a child in your home. But once the child is there you know the child will stay as long as it is a good match between parent and child.

The example of foster-adoption usually (but not always) takes less time to get a child into your home. But the first child in your home is not always the child you get to adopt. You HAVE to be OK with sending a child back to the biological parents if the court orders it.

Of course there is the choice of straight foster care, where the children arrive, and go, with no predictability of how long they will stay. But you mentioned adoption so I'll talk mainly about that

So that should help you decide whether you want to foster or want to adopt.

About costs: Adopting a child who is currently in foster care costs almost nothing. Unless you hire your own personal lawyer, most adoptions from foster care cost less than $500, and sometimes cost nothing.

While the child is considered a foster child, the foster parent receives a check from the state that should pay for most of the things the child needs. (Food, clothing, toys, etc)

If the child is considered a "special needs child", then the check may continue to arrive even after the child is adopted. A "special needs child" is usually a child who is OLDER than toddler age, SICKER than normal children, a member of a MINORITY group, or a member of a larger than normal SIBLING group being all placed together. A newborn child will not be special needs. A 4 year old African-American child probably will be. A toddler with a genetic illness will be. Eight year old twins will be. (For example.)

You can telephone your local Department of Family Services (or whatever it's called in your area) to get a list of requirements to either foster or adopt in your area. Some areas require you to be 18, or 21, or 25. Some have no marriage requirement, some require you to be married for 1 year, or 2, or 3, or 5. But you won't know until you ask, and requirements like that will make you wait a while but not tell you "no" completely. Never know until you ask!

Good luck, let us know how it goes!

[HappyMomAnna]

DianeS, has explained the system pretty well and I just have a few things to add.

You might want to consider being a Foster parent for some time before you decide to adopt under either path of Foster to adopt or straight adoption....The reason I suggest this is that the straight adoption process with most states includes a 'panel' of uninvolved caseworkers who decide where to place a child. Most states like to see at least 3-families considered for a straight adoption. The people on the panel do not know you or meet you and your caseworker represents you.

Many young couples wait a very long time before a child is placed under the straight adoption programs. Many younger couples without parenting experience end up getting their hopes up over and over and not being selected as an adoption placement..... It isn't that the panel is discriminating it is just that with 3-families to choose from often another family has so much more experience or a longer time of marriage, or just a lot more lfe under thier belts and it makes it very difficult for a young couple to end up at the top of the list......

Many caseworkers will advise a younger couple to become Foster Parents as a way to gain experience. Plus during the process you recieve a great deal of education and learn a lot about dealing with children, going to doctors, and being worried about them being sick. You learn about the different issues a child who has been in Foster Care might have, and the services you can find in order to help them. You are generally not in it all alone because you have contact with the childs caseworker and other parties who are interested in the children you are Fostering. It will not take you long to learn of the different health and emotional issues that a toddler orr older child might have should you decide to adopt through the state.

Fostering gives you the chance to love children who are hurt and care for them during a time of crisis. But, you are able to do this with a great deal of support and help. Yes, you do have to learn how to love them and help them return to their birthfamilies if that ends up being the case---but, if you are the kind of person who can do this then it is well worth the effort. If for no other reason then to help you develope your skills as a parent and give a child a safe, loving place during the worst time in their lives.

Through staright adoption with the state it is rare and difficult to have an infant under a year placed for adoption. Generally families who do end up with an infant are also adoption an older brother or sister as well. And there too parenting experience is important as siblings are very hard to adopt on the new parents do to the fact there are more then one new family memeber and a lot of dynamics.

Foster to adopt families often do have newborn babies placed for foster car and every rare once in awhile a Foster family is able to adopt a child they have been fostering since just after a baby was placed. However, most families do end up having several newborns come and go before one is open for adoption. So it again takes a very special kind of person who is able to let a baby return after you have loved them the whole first year of their lives.

Most families who do foster to adopt are able to have a child or baby placed rather quickly. The families who want to go straight adoption wait much longer for a placement and much longer depending on the age you wish to adopt. I know several younger parents under 30 who have sucessfully adopted children under the age of one-year throught the state. However those families waited well over two years before a baby was even open to be adopted. I alsoknow a few families who have done foster to adopt and had 16-20 and more babies live with them for a few weeks to several months but were reunited with thier birthfamilies before one ended up being adopted.

The costs are near nothing going through the state FINACIALLY--however the emotional costs are much more either way. When we adopt an older child we have no idea of their pasts or what has happened to them. There can be issues come up that no one knew anything about before the child was placed with you.

Good luck on your journey and as a good Girl Scout I always say:"Always be prepaired"--it looks like you are the kind of person who is going to make every decision carefully.

[Angelove81]

Thank you all for your advice..You all sent me some great info now I'm really undecided what too do..now my second question would be when the state pays for special needs child can that mean learning disabilities ashma..ect ..As well?
I don't mean to sound like a hog,but we really dont have much money at all to offer and I'm not going to foster or adopt until we have some stabliablity first..But would be nice if the state helps out and I have also thought if they do I will open an bank account just for the child...Im so excited about the idea about having a child but I know these things take time and lots of thinking.. So right now I'm doing my reserching..So I appreciate all of your kindness...Thanks
~Angelove81~

[HappyMomAnna]

The conditions and terms for adoption subsidies can vary from state to state. Some are more liberal then others....Texas even offeres university tuition waivers for children who have ever recieved adoption subsidies....I understand that California is much tighter with the subsidies and pays Foster Families much then most other states.

The adoption Subsidy money is part of a Federal Program called The Safe Families Act of 1996 one of the features of these laws were to provide "assistance" to families who choose to adopt children from Foster Care. Like many federal programs each state is responsible to determine how to use the Federal Dollars. California uses a large part of their money finding good families and training them....Texas is using some of it to offset a college education. Oregon uses some of our money to fund a Post Adoption Resource center including attachment and other adoption related therapy.

Each state will determine what qualifies for an 'issue; where a subsidy is granted. For example in Oregon every child adopted from Foster Care will continue to have the 'State' medical coverage until they reach the age of 18.

In Oregon a special needs child is defined as ANY sibling group, any child placed for adoption over the age of 6 months and any child who has been in Foster Care for over a year. The subsidies can be used to cover the costs of anything not covered by our State Health insurance, any service not provieded by the public school system and social and emotional issues.

Every family who qualifies in our state is encouraged to open a subsidy agreement before an adoption is finalized even if there are NOT yet to be known issues....when this is the case families are asked to open a subsidy agreement requesting $50.00 a month. Every year the agreement is renewed--if there are no changes it continues if there are changes you request more or less and it is approved or not.

In our case we had a 5-year old little girl placed with her 1-yr old brother. The little girl is receiveing attention for mental health issues through the state and the post adoption resource center. She is receiveing special attention to education and recieves tests and evealuations at the public school. And we are recieveing a subsidy to help meet her Social and Emotional need due to the fact she had no contact with people for the first four years of her life other then the ones she could see out of the shopping cart she lived in.....her issues are real and she needs many chances to be around people is many settings. We use our funds to pay for activities that give her interaction with others both her are and in other age groups.

We do not know what needs the baby may have yet---so we recieve $50.00 a month for him at this time.

You do not have to set up an account for the child....and you do not have to prove how you use the subsidies. We were advised to ask for about the same as the current rate for Foster Parents and that generally the State would approve it no questions asked. It is when we exceed the current Foster Parent level where we would need to validat our costs.

Your best advice is to find out just how your state handles thier subsidy program---

[DianeS]

Most of the time, the state seems to attempt to pay for the costs incurred by the foster child. The state gives that monthly check to the foster parents to cover the child's medical appointments, medical equipment, counseling, cost of food, clothing, toys, and sometimes there's enough left over for normal-child stuff like sports or music lessons.

And while the child is in foster care, he/she is entitled to a large range of services including Head Start and other developmental and educational programs, and a state medical card.

It is intended to be possible to care for a foster child using only the state check. Foster parents don't have to be able to afford the child on their income alone - that has never been intended. But "extra" money just doesn't happen. If one child receives a larger check than another child, it is because the child has more needs - needs that are expected to require use of that additional money.

A child with learning disabilities may qualify for "special needs" assistance, but probably only if that learning disability was expected to require additional help - tutors, special programs, summer school, which would use the extra money that was added to the check. That sort of thing.

Hope that helps clear it up!

[teherring]

I am a 35 yr old mother of three natural and 1 adopted child. We went through our local Department of Family Children Services and were foster parents with the intent to adopt. Our process was very easy and went very smoothly. We had our daughter in foster care for about 14 months before we were able to begin the adoption process. We did receive financial support while she was a foster child, but the funds stopped when we signed the Intent to Adopt papers. Overall we had a great experience with DFACS. Although we did have to jump through some hoops during the approval process.

Hope this will make your decision a little easier.

[Angelove81]

Yes..I have started telling my husband about your guy's advice and responce I really am intrested in foster to adopt..I think that might be my first request...

~Angelove81~

[vbandsf]

We're getting $500/mo for our 11 year old and $486 for our six year old - this will continue regardless of whether we adopt them or not and increases as the child gets older. Their only "special needs" is because of their age.

We also can have them on Medi-Cal until they're 18. It's intended to compensate us for the additional expenses of having them - but doesn't even start to adress the $4,600 we just spent on orthodontics (not covered).

[Love_um_all]

I just wanted to inject here. In our training classes at CPS, our FAD worker stated, "the monthly monies are for services rendered." The state does pay foster parents to care for "their"(the state's) children. in our county, we are never made to feel ashamed or embarressed for using the money as we see fit. If we need a new mini van to haul the kids around, then we shall spend it on that. We do not neglect any of our foster kids, they have every material thing they need, but their is no shame in using the state monies to better our lives, which in turn, betters the lives of the children we serve.

We all may have different views on what is best for these kids we love and serve. Sometimes they love us and sometimes they hate us, but no matter what, foster parents keep giving and giving and giving. Foster parents are some of the greatest people I know. They just have the biggest hearts, and know the heart ache, and keep doing it anyway. God bless you all.

[alicia hunter]

I started as a foster parent and took my chances. I ended up adopting my first placement. It does not always turn out that way though.

As far as others saying you are too young- if you have thought long and hard and still want to be a mom I totally support that. I started out as a 21 year old single foster mom and 2 1/2 years later I would not change a thing. I have no regrets. To some being a mom is something that stays in your head 24/7 until you get to be one.

Best of luck!!