[SweetMel]

Hubby and I have been married for over a year and a half, and unfortunatly unable to have children of our own. Since we got word of my infertility and we both still had soo much love we wanted to share with a child, we have been casually talking back and forth about adopting. Yesterday in the Sunday paper there was an insert discussing this huge need of foster parents in our area, a huge smile came over my face, I knew this was something I would want to do.

Now comes the waiting, we are currently renting a place, but will be buying his grandmother's house after Christmas!! One of the back bedrooms has a room that needs to be refinished right off of it, wich we been wondering what in the world we are going to do with the large extra room (use to be a garage). Well the plan is now to finish the room and get it ready to be a play room. My mind has been racing all night. But the wait is going to have to be there for at least a year, I'm still have a little bit left of school before I get my certification in Special Education.

We have discussed what our forster child "criteria" would be, it seems to us any child is a blessing and we would love deeply no matter what but we were able to kinda set a little limitations... really only to help us out with limited space to store a wide range of age apporiate materials, from infants- 7yrs old, we have no objections to any sex or race. We would really love to get placed with siblings, one of the articles was talking about how many sibling sets had to be seperated when put in foster homes, I nearly cried. I have a sister who is only 11months younger than I am, and she was my best freind growing up I could not imagine ever being seperated from her. So to say, when the time comes, we are going to put in a strong interset in siblings.

Since I have a while to wait before we are going to start the process, I'm taking this time to learn everything I can. Going into education and working in a daycare while going to college I think is going to help me a lot since I have no children of my own to have draw in any expertise in child raising.

So if anyone has anyone has any helpful hints, or books, web site or anything that you think will help out I'm open, too much knowlege has never hurt anyone.

Melissa~ Greenville, SC

[riley6]

Where I am, you can start the classes even before the workers come out to check out your house. I would do that. That way, once you move and your house is ready, your homestudy won't take that long to complete. Plus, while you're in the classes, you can narrow down the criteria for your future children. Some homes won't take children who are sexually abused or fire starters. Those are things you need to consider. You can also start reading books on the topic "Parenting the hurt child", Building the bonds of Attachment", The toddler adoption". I'm sure your library has books on fostering/adopting.

[SweetMel]

Well called DSS today to get a little more information before we started the process, turns out we are not going to be accepted as FP, nor can we ever adopt due to my husbands past with some drugs.

I havnt really talked to him about this yet, just called him and told them the bad news. My heart broke in a million pieaces this morning, and I feel like my life as no meaning anymore. Even thought greatly about leaving my husband... what I'm going to do is still very fuzzy to me, but its going to start with a nice heart to heart with hubby, and gallons of tears before I know what is best for me. I know many may be thinking well something will work out.. but this was just about the option for me becoming a parent.. I have a condition, PCOS, that has left me unable to have a child of my own, I'm not even releasing eggs. And right now finding a seregent mother to carry my child is the only option I have.

After I had accepted my infertility my heart was set on adoption and foster parenting. I have a great love for children, and it shows, I'm a Special Education major, I have worked in Day cares while attending school, private tutored children with major learning disabilities, and volunteer for every children's activitiy at church... I've even looked into start a CHADD, children and adults with ADD, program in the area since there isnt one. For as long as I can remember I knew exactly what I wanted in life... I have had a lot of curve balls, I struggles with Learning Disabilities and ADD going through school while its acceptance was next to none. But I always came out with top grades and honars, cause I knew what I wanted and I wasnt going to let ANYTHING get in my way. When the docs told me about my infertility I was depressed for a while, but thought theres other alternatives, there are MANY children in the world that need a good home, and I know that I can give any child my entire heart.
But all this is shattered b/c DH stupid mistakes, my plans have been permentaly stopped, and I have no clue where to go from here.
To think last night while I was nestled up next to hubby staring at the beautiful christmas tree set up in our living room, I told him, "Just think within a couple years, that tree with have tons to gifts under it, and kids waking us up at 5am excited to see what santa brought..." and tonight Im having to face the fact that I'll never have a child living under my roof.