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This message was originally posted by zataco.

Hi, We are currently thinking about taking in my cousin's children as our foster kids. These kids were taken away from my cousin and custody was given to the maternal grandmother (my aunt). While I commend her on her sacrifice, she does not have her eyes open to the situation at hand. She has taken in a male roommate (who has become her companion as well as a father figure in these children's lives). Recently the 12 year old girl came to my mother (her aunt) and confided that this man makes her feel unconfortable. I won't go into reasons, but it is suspected sexual abuse. Immediately my mother told my aunt that the girl would not be returning home until the situation was dealt with. Family services was called and an investigation is pending, but my aunt doesn't see the "wrong" in what this man did. She claims he is loving and refuses to change the situation. If these children are assessed and removed, we would like them to stay within the family, but we foresee many family problems. HAs anyone else been in a stiuation like this? Is it better for the kids to stay with in the family and see the turmoil it will cause, or is it better for them to go to a neutral F Family and just keep in close contact with us?

Thank in advance
zataco

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This message was originally posted by jolean12.

I don't have any advice but I wanted to let you know that I am very sorry for your situation and will be praying for you and the children. I know there will be someone here who has been in a similar situation.

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This message was originally posted by nanakin1.

I don't know if this helps, but I can tell you a little bit about our story. My husband and I our currnetly fostering 3 wonderful girls - 13m, 25m, and 35m - whew! My husband's neice is bio-mom to the oldest and youngest. When they came into the system we had been working with mom, so they allowed us to take them in.

We love these girls very much -as we do all children who pass through our lives- and we are hoping to adopt them soon. However, it has been very difficult until recently for myself and especially my husband. It is very difficult for his family to accept that one member's loss is not looked at as another's fortune. In our instance I know that our neice loves her children, but will never be capable of reacting past her own needs (if that makes any sense). Our hope is that when the girls are old enough to understand, they will see that their biomom loved them enough to give them a safe, loving home.

It has been just over a year since they were removed and things have calmed down in the family. It took my husband standing firm and telling everyone that we would do what's best for the girls. I also think that time played an important part.

My only advise would be that if the children do come to stay with you that you inform all family members that you will not tolerate anyone involving the children in any issues/concerns or negative conflicts that may result and stick to it! It sounds like these children have been through enough and just need to be loved and be kids.

Hope this helps!
Nanakin