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This message was originally posted by samueljr4577.

I am a 24-year-old single male about to become a foster parent. It took about a year to get my license. I just received a call from my agency to place an 11-year-old Caucasian child in my home. I am Filipino and I am wondering if this would be a culture shock for the child. I know that I can provide a loving home for him, but I just want him to feel like he is part of my family. I am a rookie at this and I do need any advice you can give.

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This message was originally posted by gmj.

LOVE!!! ALthough people may disagree with me, I believe this is the biggest factor. You may need to do research on cultural differences but if you provide a stable loving home skin, culture and all the rest will not matter.
This little boy just needs an understanding home!
Best Wishes

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This message was originally posted by adoption.

I agree with gmj. I think love is all you need. The situation will be scary enough for the boy, I'm sure he could care less that you're of a different race. I grew up in a multi-cultural family myself. My mom is caucasian and my dad is polynesian (fijian specifically). I always felt like it was a positive thing that I had such diversity in my background. However, I think some of the problems that you might face will be with his friends and classmates. All children want to be accepted, and any difference at all is rough at that age. I say, try hard to introduce the cultural differences as something he's fortunate to be experiencing, like an exciting alternative to all the other same-old boring foster homes. I'm partially joking, but be sure not to elevate one culture over another, or try to impose your heritage over his. Do be open and a good listener, wait for him to aproach you about the subject.

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This message was originally posted by adoption.

Sam, one thing I did want to add was that often when children are placed in a scary situation, anger is their only defense. If things go the other way, and he is objectionable, then try to keep in mind that it's his only defense in a world that has been shattered in a way that he might not fully apreciate. The biggest tool you have is longsuffering and love, which in my book, is defined as courage. I'm sure you'll do great.

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This message was originally posted by samueljr4577.

Just an update:
He moved in on Monday March 4, 2001. This week alone has been fast paced and exciting all in one. The minute my foster son (f- son) moved in we connected instantly. According to his social worker my f-son has agression problems which he does take medication for his condition. I am nervous about his first aggressive behavior towards me. The most part I am enjoying being a dad and I know my f-son is happy to be here. Since I work in a school my f-son attends the same school I work at. The children at the school have been very kind to him. The students do wonder why I am a foster parent. Some of the kids wished that I took them home instead of taking in a new kid. The cultural differences has not came up at home or school. It seems that everything is going well and looks like it will stay this way. I hope I am right because I do want this to work out for my f-son. Thanks for the support.

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This message was originally posted by Mike.

We are of European descent and we have taken some of African descent. The differences have been no real problem. They already knew about our culture and weren't too interested in there's. They did have some heroes that they looked up to and we encouraged it. The public was sometimes interesting. We noticed, not the kids, the funny looks we got. It was particularly funny with me (some medium skin from an Armenian background) a lilly white red head teen and an African teen. Either one could pass as my bio-son but not both at the same time. I agree. Love will cross the racial/ethinic barrier easily. However, it takes a lot more than love with a child frustrated into aggression.

The aggression will come out at the end of the honeymoon. When he makes a mistake, let him know that you expect some things like that. He'll be testing to feel secure. It could be quite a ride. Look for your support from the agency and school before the first crisis. I enjoy these challenges. You stand a very good chance with an 11 yr old. We've had 18 teenagers in the last 16 years.

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This message was originally posted by samueljr4577.

My foster son has not had the best time with the other students at school. The school is diverse of mostly Hispanic or African decent. The population of Caucasian students is about 2 %.The students have not been friendly to him causing him to become angry in result of fighting and defiant behavior. I had leave school with him because of his behavior.
He asked me why were the kids so mean to him and always call him “white boy”. The students also make fun of him because of the fact I am not Caucasian. They tell him that I am not his dad and causing him to question his placement with me.
Please advise what I should do because the difference of culture is being questioned in my home.

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This message was originally posted by Gwen.

Cultural differences are a hurdle. yet, i still believe they can be overcome. Is there a way to put him in a school where the he may culturally fit in better? Is having the children associate you with him (because you are their teacher and an authority) too much for him.
Take heart...the honeymoon period always end. It probably has very little to do with you and the cultural difference. Children are aggressive often becasue of rejection they feel. He will test the waters (maybe for a long time) but try to reassure him that bad behaviour will not make you get rid of him. He needs you to be strong, consistent and loving.
Wishing you the best
Gwen

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This message was originally posted by samueljr4577.

My social worker just asked if I wanted to adopt my new foster child. Help how come this happend so fast? I just got him on March 4,2002. What should I do?

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This message was originally posted by Gwen.

WOW! That was fast!
Take you time and make sure it is the right decision for both of you. Talk to the worker and make sure that she knows where you stand. Consider carefully the pros and cons. Are you ready? Make sure becasue this is a big step.
Have you any info. on Attachment disorder...I am not saying that he has it but agression is the number one sign. Knowing the symptoms and some treatments may help you some.
Wishing you the best
Gwen

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This message was originally posted by samueljr4577.

Gwen,
Thank you for your support. I don't know what to do. My extended family has already accepted him as my foster son. The advice my sister gave was to adopt him. I just don't feel I am ready to adopt him. I am not ready. I know he is ready for adoption because he has been to 11 foster homes since he was 5. I want to help him but I thought I would be his foster parent for several years than be asked to consider adoption. He is wonderful child with a lot of strengths and would make a wonderful addition to my family. I am just overwelmed with emotions and confusion of what to do. I feel it is not fair to me and him because my social worker wants to know asap. I want to help my foster son but I am not ready to adopt. I am also not ready to lose him. This has happend way to fast.

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This message was originally posted by Gwen.

If your not ready.....then take it slow. You sound so unsure. Family support is great, family pressure is dangerous. It should never be the bulk of your deciding factor. You must decide what is best for you and the boy.
Ask the agency to have him stay with you. Ask them to give you time to think. If they ever feel while he is in your care that there is another potential adoption home for him (which I doubt because he is older with high needs) to let you know. That way you are still have time to make that important decision.
Yes, he needs a home. Yes, he is probably ready to be adopted. Yet, all of that should only be done when you are completely ready.
This decision affects the rest of your lives and should not for a second be an easy or quick one.
All the best
Gwen

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This message was originally posted by bacrone.

I can understand where you are coming from, I'm single and got my first child at 26 years old, and can understand the confusion you must feel. It's evident from your message you are not ready to adopt this child, so I say to you "DONT!". The social worker, if they have any professionalism, will understand you when you tell her you are not ready for adoption. If she has made the decision, however, to place him in adoption and you are not ready, you will probably lose the child if she find's an adoptive home for him.

Are you ready for that separation? I agree with everyone else, do not take the child if you are not ready. If your son is showing signs of having an attachment disorder, becoming angry and not doing well socially, then he probably needs a lot of intervention to help "heal" his problems. I am not an expert, but any services that are provided now will probably not come once he is adopted. (Or am I totally wrong with that?)

Good luck, keep us posted on how it's going...
-- B