[albohn22]

thinking about possibly going this route for adoption, but i really want to start with an infant or newborn.....at least under the age of 2. i know that many of these age kids aren't available, but i would like to try for this age first. are there any success or fail stories out there.....what am i setting myself up for. any help or advice would be appreciated.
feel hubby and i can't afford agency adoption, so this may be our only route to have a family. how much of a wait was there for anyone who has fostered newborns before......what is the acceptance procedure. i am just new to this whole area of adoption----so anything anyone can tell me would be appreciated.
thanks!
andrea

[AsFmom]

Hi!

I'm the foster mom of a seven-week old infant. He's been with me since he was 23 days old.

There *are* newborns in the system. It is often a much riskier proposition to try and do a fost/adopt with them, because the courts are much more reluctant to separate newborns from their parents. (And plus, of course, the parents have had less time to do bad things to them.).

Here in Colorado, exposing a fetus to illegal substances has been legally defined as child abuse. This has increased the number of infants in the system, but also increased the number of infants with drug-related problems. Before you go much further, you should do more research on what problems kids have resulting from exposure to cocaine and meth, which are the two most common drugs fetuses are exposed to (after alcohol and tobacco, of course).

That said, it is possible to get a perfectly healthy newborn. My foster son was not exposed to drugs or alcohol.

Holler if I can answer any more questions.

[MissyCat]

I, too, am a fostermom to a baby. She came to our home straight from the hospital at 3 1/2 weeks and has been here ever since (7 months).

One option for you is to specify newborns with little or no attachment to family and go from there. You should know there are never any guarantees and many things can change if you chose foster/adopt.

That is the road we chose and are hoping to be able to adopt our little one. We have completed our adoption home study and are set to go after termination...BUT, that can be by the end of the year or a little later.

Also, she is our third foster child. We have two children prior at two different times (3 and 5) so you might have to do just straight fostering as well.

Just make sure you communicate everything to your social worker(s) and let them know up front what your needs and wants are, but be flexible where possible. This well sure help in the end with them working with you.

Hope any of this helps...if not, the best of luck to you!!!

MissyCat

[albohn22]

thanks to all who replied. this is a great place to get some questions answered. we are thinking of going this route. of course, we have some more searching and praying to do.
good luck!

[mckenna]

i foster children 2 and under, i had two infants that were reunited with their bfamiles and my thrid child is still with me after 2 years (i got him when he was 3 months old). hopefully his adoption will be complete in the next couple of months

[JuliannaTeresa]

Alot depends too on your state Foster System and regulations. Most states or alot of states will mandate Reunification under 5.

[mckenna]

how can states have a blanket mandate that children be reunified with birth families? that does not make sense, in some cases reunification is just not possible. of course reunification is always the first plan, but i don't see how thay can madate children be returned to unsafe environments just because of thier age.

[mom21]

My husband and I became licensed in Aug 2001. The first placement we accepted was a 4 month old boy in Apr 2002. He was returned to his bmom after 6 weeks. Giving him up was THE hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. I worried about him and prayed for him daily. We have contact with him and his mom and they're doing fine

In Jul 2002, we got a call for a newborn. We picked up our beautiful, healthy baby girl from the hospital. Her adoption was final in Mar 2003. She is the light of our lives.

We struggled with the decision to do foster care or private adoption. We had heard the "horror" stories, but luckily we also knew people who had positive experiences. I don't mean to "sugar coat" foster care. I know that ours was not a "typical" experience. Just know that there are "risks" involved with any decision. You have to do what feels right in your heart.

Good luck in whatever road you choose!

[LynMaria]

......I always advise never to go into fostering with the intent to adopt. Even foster-to-adopt situations place birth families over anyone else...and it should be that way. It is the goal in fostercare that the child will return to birth family if possible....that is suppose to be the aim of the foster family, as well. Please read JoAnn's post in the forum...'adopting foster children'. They are heart broken...and who wouldn't be? It's only natural to fall in love with the children we bring into our homes and care for. But the bottom line is...if it can happen, the children will return to a birth family or extended family member. And if that's not possible, only then will the foster family be given the opportunity to adopt the child IF the child has been in the foster home for a particular # of months, typically 18 mos. though it varies from state to state. Be ready for alot of heart breaks AND many, many rewards. Fostering has given my family and me far more than we could ever give the kids we've been so blessed to care for. Keep your heart strong, your doors open, and savor the rewards. P.S. After 6 years and many beautiful children, we are adopting our 3 yo little angel.......it CAN happen...maybe not
in our time frame though. God Bless you in your journey.

[fcmom00]

Hi there,
I'm also going through the process to foster adopt. We would like an infant but our agency rules are if your a working parent you can only adopt 2 yrs and older. I would check out different agencies to see what kind of rules apply to your situation. I know and have been warned that foster/adopt is not the best place to do adoption because of the heartache it can cause when the child is placed back with it's birth parents. I have decided that even though it might be painful I'm hoping I get a chance to make a difference somewhere in someones life so as long as I keep that reason in my head and as long as that birth parent is trying to be a better parent then it will be ok to watch them leave.
I think the hardest part is letting the child go back to a situation that still maybe not the best situation. ( We know that happens a lot)
Carol

[FOSTERMOMMY2002]

HI THERE ALL- MORE AND MORE INFASNTS ARE COMING INTO THE FOSTER CARE SYSTEM EVERY DAY. I HAVE BEEN IN FOSTERCARE FOR ALMOST 2 YEARS. I HAVE HAD 2 INFANTS PLACED WITH US. ONE OF WHICH, WE PLAN ON ADOPTING AS SOON AS HE IS FREE. WE HAVE GOTTEN THE CHANGE OF PLAN AND ARE AWAITING THE TERMINATION HEARING. HE CAME TO US AT ABOUT 5 WEEKS OLD. HE IS FROM HER BUT HAS A GUATEMALAN FAMILY HERITAGE. HE IS SO BEAUTIFUL TRULY THE LOVE OF OUR LIVES.

SO JUST LET YOUR DSS CASE WORKER KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. THEY WILL WORK WITH YOU AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.

WHAT WE DID IN THE BEGINNING, WE TOOK ON A 4 YEAR OLD BOY AT FIRST. THEN ANOTHER 4 YEAR OLD BOY LATER. AFTER THAT, I CALLED DSS AND SAID OK, WE HAVE TAKEN ALL KIDS YOU SENT OUR WAY. NOW WE WANT A BABY. PLEASE CALL US FOR A BABY WHEN ONE COMES INTO CUSTODY. 3 DAYS LATER, WE BROUGHT OUR SON HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL.

OPRAH WINFREY- BIOLOGY IS THE LEAST OF WHAT MAKES SOMEONE A MOTHER

[NanaMarie]

I am a foster mom in Canada to 3 little ones under the age of 3. (Usually the rules are only 2 under 3 years of age but for some reason they overlooked that in our case). Just to let you know that here at least there are little ones that come into care .. we have had them straight from the hospital and the spaces in our home are not often empty (we are licensed for 3 children). Two of our little ones were adopted .. one we still have contact with. The others either were returned to extended family or to biological parents.

[2MomsInOregon]

We foster newborns. We have #2, #4, and #6 with us right now. They have come home anywhere from exactly 24hrs old to as old as 4 days. It is a wonderful experience, I love doing it. HOWEVER.... you have to be willing to experience a lot of heartache and rollercoaster rides! Notice that #1, #3, and #5 are missing from above. OUCH! Of the three we have now we are adopting #2, we've had him since he was 4 days old. He's 16 Months today. #4 we've had since she was 3 days old and she will be returning to Mom in April at 17 months old. #6 has been with us since she was exactly 24 hrs old and her fate remains to be decided. We'll know more at the end of the month. People think we're crazy when I roll into the grocery store with my 3... all 6 months apart. But there is something wonderful you get from knowing that you are giving these children the best start possible even if it's only for a short while.

One thing that I think people forget when they consider taking newborns is that just like all other children in foster care. These children are not your "typical" babies. Most have drug exposure... which requires a whole different method of care. Often there has been little to no prenatal care and you have little to no family history so you have to be hypervigilant in watching for health issues. Learn everything you can about Medically Fragile and Drug Effected infants before you begin. Even if you don't find the classes themselves helpful your connections to others will prove to be invaluable.

Good luck with whatever you decide!