[2moms4kids]

Hello All!
We are a lesbian couple in California. I am a Psychologist and my partner is a Nurse at a Psychiatric hospital. We have seen many, many children come through our hospital that are in the "system". Many that have been abused...many that I have personally made the Child Protective Services calls on. We have finally decided that it would be wonderful to be a part of the daily healing and protecting of these children.
I have read many message boards and have never come across one that has even mentioned gay or lesbian foster parents. Anyone else out there?
Also looking for any, advice, comments or questions!

p.s.-this is our first post!

Michele and Marilyn

[Judilyn]

Yes there are a few others, I have read some of their post. I can't recall screen names right now(not enough coffee yet this AM) Hopefully they will contact you.

Welcome to the forum

Blessings
Judilyn

[bjolly]

hi 2moms,

my partner and I are in the home study process now, hoping to adopt waiting children from the foster care system. We'll be considered foster parents during the prefinalization stage. We are very excited about becoming moms! We're both social workers & I worked as a foster care worker for 7 years. I also know another lesbian couple who are foster parents, and a gay male couple who did foster care for years and eventually adopted 3 boys.

nice to "meet" you!

Beth

[2moms4kids]

Beth...
what state are you in? always looking to form "contacts" in california....i hope to find other moms or dads that we can connect with. i figure it would be great to have someone to compare stories with..not to mention to find mutual babysitters with.
no matter where you are.....thanks for your reply!
chel

[dr. mom]

All of you that have posted ,Thank you for committing to make a difference in the lives of children!
In our state, persons who are gay or lesbian are not allwed to be foster parents. You also cannot be a foster parent if you are living with an unrelated adult. ( This would apply to all couples- heterosexual or gay). There was one gentleman in our state who was fostering 3 children --- all teenagers--- and doing a GREAT job. When the state found out he was gay, they pulled the kids immediately! It is so sad to see such discrimination! The kids are who lose out in the long run when you discriminate against foster parents!

[AsFmom]

Hi!

I am (openly) gay, and I'm foster mom to a six-week old baby boy. He's been with me for three weeks, and it's the best three weeks of my entire life!

Wishing you luck in having the right kid join your family!

[2moms4kids]

Hello again!
dr.mom...YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!! how absolutely ridiculous that they would not allow 2 unmarried adults raise foster children. you must live in a state with a shortage of foster children!! i cant imagine there would be such bigotry and prejudice still allowed against gay/lesbians individuals. i suppose it is just my desire to pretend this country is far beyond the rest of the world.
by the way.....what state are you in?

as for Fmom....thank you for your reply. how wonderful it is to hear of such a heart warming reality!! do you work? do you use child care or do you have family/partner to help you while you work? that is the problem we are having. we are planning to take children 5-11 years old because we do not think we can afford the day care while i am at work. i am finishing my doctorate in psych right now. i am not "working"....for $$. i have to committ to 24 hours of internship without pay and 3 hours of school. my partner is a nurse that makes decent money...but it doesnt make up for my absence and lack of income ya know. any who....we can do it...just thinking it would take all of our foster $$ to have a toddler. i am sad that we have to eliminate that age group for lack of funds.

great to hear from both of you. have a great week!!

chel

[bjolly]

hi chel,

my partner & I live in Maryland, so we're on the wrong coast to exchange any babysitting (darn!), but it's great to meet you anyway. You're looking at pretty much the same age group we are, 4 or 5 to 12. My mom asked me the other day how soon we're likely to have a child and if she should be Christmas shopping for them yet. I told her that since we don't know who they are, how old or what sex, she'd better hold off just a little! Guess she's excited about being a grandma again!

AsFmom, congrats on your new little one!


Beth

[Tamisue]

Hi, we have a 6 year old son adopted from Russia. We are going to start the process to do adoption in October for another child, but this time from here.

We are looking to adopt anywere from the 2-6 range.

Good luck!

[2TexasMoms]

We are in the final stages of being licensed. The only thing left is the homestudy and finding something to calm the butterflies in our stomachs while we wait for our first placement! Right here in Texas, Bush country, two moms, fostering/adopting! Even though they keep trying to pass laws in the state of Texas to prevent gays and lesbians from fostering or adopting and my biggest fear is that the Republican conservatives will win out and the children needing homes will lose! Anybody that met us two Texas Moms would have to agree we are committed and caring and will make great mommies! Interested in anyones experiences through this whole process!!

[J.Ro]

Hi There 2moms,

We are in North Carolina, that's right, Jesse Helms country. We have our foster license and our approved PPA (as of early Sept.) and are just waiting on a placement. Our goal is adoption of an older child or sibling group of 2.

We had an amazingly easy journey thus far. People have been welcoming and caring.

The trick in our state will be the final adoption. Depending on the whims of the clerk of court, they may be problematic. I know of one county where the SW's are holding their breath till this clerk retires. Very old school. Legally, only one of us (me) may adopt. We are not a state where homosexuals are not allowed to adopt at all though. Just not partners together. We do know two women who adopted in a neighboring county, and when it was final, the non-adopting partner sued (on paper) the adopting partner for joint custody. They managed to make that happen.

I teach upper elementary (4-6 grades) at a small private Montessori school, and my partner is a stay at home craftsperson. We live on a farm with horses and a flock of dogs and cats, and are really excited about finally getting to be parents.

J.Ro

[jolean12]

Hi all. My parner and I live in GA and have been foster parents for a little over a year. We have been thankful that everyone we have run into at DFCS has been great and thank us all the time for all we do for our kids. Sometimes I think that they don't like us though but that is b/c if our kids need something we will bug them to death and don't just give up until the kids get what they need.

We have an adopted son, who was never in foster care, and he is now 2 y/o. We are proud foster parents to a 15 month old girl, had since she was 1 day old, a 5 y/o boy, and siblings, a 7 y/o girl and a 14 y/o boy. Our home is always busy and we love almost every minute of it. We also have 9 dogs and a pony. I am glad to meet all of you although help with babysitting is not an option for us either

[2MomsInOregon]

I'd like to say I'm so happy to see this post!

We are foster parents in Oregon, closer than Texas, Maryland, and North Carolina... but still not in babysitting range. We have been certified since May 2001. We received the call for our first placement February 2002. Our agency has been overly supportive of us and we feel very lucky. Our home remains overfull and when there is an opening (and even sometimes when their isn't) the caseworkers start fighting over who gets to place in our home next.

Currently we have 3 in our home; we are adopting our son who we picked up at the hospital when he was 4 days old, he is now 16 months old and we're hoping to finalize around his second birthday. We have a 10 mo. old daughter who we've had since 3 days old who will return to her Mom in April 2004. And last but not least, a 4 mo. old daughter who we've had since she was exactly 24 hours old and while we hope that we'll be able to adopt her, her Mom is great if she gets healthy.

So far being an out Lesbian couple has caused us no grief. In fact the mother of our 10 mo. old loves that her daughter has 3 Mommies (the more Mommies the Merrier). My Partner works at home with the kids while I work outside the home. We feel very fortunate to be doing something we love.

Good luck to all and I'm glad we're all here!!!

[2TexasMoms]

Wow...you all need to move to Dallas...We are so short of foster parents that the phone rings off the hook as soon as you are licensed! There are 11 foster kids for every one approved foster bed...The only thing we have left is the homestudy which has NOT been scheduled yet so we are waiting, waiting. Okay...a poll, what do the children call you? mama and mommy, by your names...what seems to work best? My stay at home partner got to babysit our friends newest foster girls yesterday and cannot wait to begin mothering our own..!! We are 47 and 38 and our biggest fear is someone in CPS will think we are too old to adopt..has this been a problem for anyone you know???

[Gryph]

2TexasMoms,

You are not too old to adopt. We're a little older than you and our daughters are adults now. They say that it is not unusual to have adoptive parents who are raising another set of children. The homestudy is a ong process. We are waiting for them to write it now and it has been several months. Texas has a lot of kids on the photo listings and some seem like they're tough kids.

As foster parents of many years, we get mostly teenagers and preadolescents because we're among the few that take them. We get the troubled boys. We introduce ourselves by our first names, which is what the social worker used when she or he first described us. I worry if a teenager calls us Mom and Dad right away. Attachments that are formed too easily are not that strong. When he switches to "Dad" after a few months, I feel proud because it is truly an honor to earn that title.

Our state has no problem with same-sex relationships. I'm just noticing that a female couple is much more accepted than a male couple. They seem to suspect devious intentions more from the men.

For those who have difficulty accepting homosexuality in foster care, I like to point out that we had an early adolescent homosexual foster child. We took him in between placements. He had "blown out" of a residential placement and was waiting for a space in one for sexually deviant behavior. During the two weeks that he was here, he spoke about the comment that scared others. He said that he could sexually offend no matter how closely he was supervised. Put into context, he was speaking about how he will control his behavior. His were nothing more than the sexually reactive behaviors typical of preadolescent boys who have been sexually abused. He had not offended in several years. The only thing different is that he was an emerging homosexual. We could do nothing to stop the forces that wanted him committed to this institution, where he'll probably grow up. He could do well in a same sex partner home.