[InHisRest]

I am a SB minister and we have experienced several failed adoptions and have had very little positive support. Most people just don't know what to say and the church isn't prepared for such loss. You only get general grief counseling. I want to create some support material for our church and there is very little research on the subject and I figured the best way is to hear it from people such as yourself who may have experienced a failed adoption in any form, please help. Can any of you share any experiences of a failed adoption in any form such as feelings, lack of support, stupid things said, support you wish you had (public or church) etc... in advance

[longingtomeetyou]

Originally Posted by InHisRest

I am a SB minister and we have experienced several failed adoptions and have had very little positive support. Most people just don't know what to say and the church isn't prepared for such loss. You only get general grief counseling. I want to create some support material for our church and there is very little research on the subject and I figured the best way is to hear it from people such as yourself who may have experienced a failed adoption in any form, please help. Can any of you share any experiences of a failed adoption in any form such as feelings, lack of support, stupid things said, support you wish you had (public or church) etc... in advance

stupid things said?

[gantrak]

My wife and I have experienced several failed adoption situations. Its really like a miscarriage. You go through the hope and expectations and then like Emeril says, "BAMM." you hit the wall. Its a real roller coaster ride. My wife and I have been Christians for years and you get to the point of where you just don't want to hear those words, "Well I guess it just wasn't God's will." One other thing we faced was the potential loss of a 3rd of our adoption budget. If we lose that money will we have enough to adopt? You also get to the point too where you are extremely pessimistic for the next one. We found ourselves with a lot of anxiety and we took it out on the social worker. I had to apologize to her. You then have to just give it to God to let him give you that peace. I hope this helps.

George

[holdingon2hope]

My husband and I have been through 3 failed adoptions. The most recent was just days ago, and I can't agree more with Gantrak, it is like having a miscarriage. All the excitement, sharing that with friends and family, and the loss felt when it does not go through. I keep hearing things like, "God has a different baby planned for you." After three failed attempts, it sometimes is hard to keep the faith. I think finding other people that have been through it to talk to helps, because you are right, there isn't a wealth of support for folks like us. We will just have to help and support each other.

Stay strong & God bless

[EZ2Luv]

To me a failed adoption is similar to a death. The deathe of a child born in your heart, the death of a hope, a dream and a plan to bring a new life into your world. This loss iVERY real. I know because my family had to give a baby back when I was 5yrs old and I can still remember how sad weall were and it is over 40 years later.
Some people don't even aknowledge a miscarraige as a real loss and will say stupid things like "you can always try again". I do not thing that they are intentionally going out of their way to say stupid things, they just do not know what to say.
On the other hand, some people avaid the subject all together and to me that is just as bad. I think the important thing is to talk about the baby. This baby was very real to the PAPS. Aknowledging their hurt without trying to minimize it or trivialize it is key. Validating the hurt is what helps people heal.

EZ