[grateful mom]

We're adopting a newborn this summer and do not know if it will be a boy or a girl. What do you think of these names?

Kira Joy for a girl. (The middle name is after my mn, my mom's mn, and my grandma's mn)

Erik Ryan for a boy. (The middle name is after my husband.)

(We're also toying with spelling Erik as Arik. This is because my husband already has a cousin named Erik (with a different last name.) What do you think of that?)

Thanks!

Annie

[Lewey]

I like both names you have chosen, I never had another child after relinquihment of my son and not that your asking, but I always thought that these were great names.

Boys: Wyatt, Sky, Bryce, Tristen, and my Favorite Cooper

Girls: Alexandra, Jenny, Kristen, Ally and my Favorite Emma

All the best, Lewey

Both terrific names. Best of luck to you, -ivy

[nicoleanders]

I love both of your names. Joy is so pretty, especially when it has a special family meaning.
I think You should spell it: Arik
(either way would be great though)
Have fun looking forward to your little blessing!
Nicole

[reneetaylor]

Annie - I saw a spelling for the name Eric which I absolutely love......Arick. It is so different, yet simple that I think it is really cool. It sounds strong.

[longgreengrass]

how do you all feel ab out the birthmoms naming the baby and the adoptive parents keeping the name? I am a possible birthmom and plan on asking the acouple to keep the name.

[grateful mom]

and I'm sure that some adoptive parents would be open to keeping part of a name, but I'm not sure that any would be open to keeping it all. Often times I've heard that the adoptive parents will keep part of the name the birthmother gave the baby as the middle name.

As an adoptive parent, I feel it's important to be able to name the baby to help create that parent/child bond.

In our case, we are adopting from a relative and are fairly certain she will allow us to name the baby.

I don't know if this helps or not. I think that both parties probably need to remain open and talk about it.

[longgreengrass]

in my case its important to me that they keep the name.

[reneetaylor]

I agree with Grateful Mom. I think that it is very important that the adoptive parents have the right to name the child that they are going to be parents to. If the birthmother and adoptive family can mutually agree on the names, then that is great, but I think the final decision should be the adoptive parents. This will be "their" child, and many people want to give a family name or a name with a certain meaning or importance to them. I think the idea of keeping the middle name as one that the birthmother chose is a good idea and show of respect, but not the whole name.

Longgreengrass -
I don't think it is fair to them, if they have to call their child by a name that they don't like, or by a name that has bad conotations for them. Remember how you always had names that you just really disliked? Maybe it reminds you of a bully from the 5th grade, or of a snobbish prep that you went to high school with? Is it right to force adoptive parents to accept that name for their child just because you, as the birthmother, want them to? Is it a control thing, or is there a valid reason for wanting them to keep the names you want to choose?

Renee

[longgreengrass]

there is a vaild reason why i would like for them to keep the name I choose. its because i have had two good friends that had cancer that died. one is a guy and one is a girl.
I came to the conclusion that if the couple doesnt like the wants I have in the adoption it would be best for us to move on and find someone who wants the same things as we do.
as far as saying its "their" baby well no one belongs to anyone but god.

[reneetaylor]

I understand where you are coming from, but in all fairness, what if the adoptive parents want to name their new child after a dearly loved grandparent or family friend, etc... shouldn't their wishes also be considered? I sincerely wish you good luck on finding a family to adopt your unborn child who is willing to disregard their own favorite names in order to comply with your request. I think you may have to look long and hard to find such a couple or person.


With respect - I didn't mean for it to sound like I was taking God's glory away from the situation by saying that the child would be "theirs" in reference to the adoptive parents. BUT, that said, I am my daughter's mother and she is my daughter. That doesn't mean that we both are not also God's children, just that here on earth, we belong to each other...that is what family is all about. You let someone try to take her from me and I will fight to the death to protect her....because she is mine and God has trusted me to care for her until she goes to live with Him in heaven.

Renee

[longgreengrass]

I feel the birthparents wishes and the adoptive couples wishes need to be respected. but if someone wont or cant keep the others wishes they need to move on and find someone who actually fits their match. I know I cant match with someone who doesnt fit my criteria.
I am my mother and fathers daughter but I am not a possession. a human being is not a possession that someone owns. just like in a marriage the spouse doesnt own the other spouse.

[longgreengrass]

I forgot to add I cant and wont let someone dictate to me what I will have for criteria in the adoption. I wont stand for that at all.

[rebeccasusan]

I totally can see both sides of the situation...I definately think potential bmoms should speak thier minds, and if they have certain needs or wishes for the child, then they should let those be known right away. If those values/needs/wishes aren't in line with the adoptive parents, then not a good match for anyone involved...but as a hopeful potential adoptive mom, like probobly every single other girl on the planet, i've had baby names in my head since I was about 8, I think, and in the 10 years ive been waiting for a baby theyve had plenty of time to stick...when we were matched with a potential bmom in the past, I'll never forget when she asked if she could name the middle name...my heart kinda sank, becasue i'd never even thought about that possibility, and now my little "paulina kate" would not be a reality...but, we felt that her needs/rights/feelings were more important than a name preferance, so I got over it pretty quickly. If she had wanted to name the first name as well, I think it would have been harder. My husband has always wanted to name his son after his grandfather, this is very important to him. I dont know if it would have been a sticking point in the adoption or not. For me, it wouldnt be, but who knows...The funny thing is, now that ive warmed up to the idea, i like the concept of collaborative naming, and may ask the new pbmom we are matched with if she would like to select middle name!! I guess for me, now that I've had a little more perspective, a rose by any other name would smell as sweet, right?
But, like I always say, the only way adoptions can work is if everyone is honest with each other about comfort levels on these issues, and really respects/ stays true to each others needs. grass- I think if this is important to you, definately make that known, the couple that is right for you will totally respect that.

[tc122196]

Well...first of all, replying to the original post..Youre names are very nice. I have an aunt Joy I like Arik..but to me it almost looks more feminine, unlike Erik. (Just a personal opinion).
However, my fav names are Olivia, Isabelle, Gabrielle (boy or girl--different pronunciations)...Brandon, Conner....oh, the list goes on forever!

To reply to the whole birthmother/adoptive mother giving the name...I also adopted a family members child. His name was Joseph Ethan, and although I like the name Joseph (actually like Josiah better) we decided to keep the middle name instead. Joseph was my sons biological fathers name. We kept Ethan--which is what the birthparents called him anywas, and added my husbands middle name. This stirred emotions in the family, but he is now OUR child...and I felt I had the right to give him our name. But we compromised and left him part of his old name too. Just a thought...