[MybabyJordy]

Hi everyone Im 22, and very new to this. I dont know if im even really going to get any help or if im in the right place but all i can do is reach out. anyway im the mother of a very energentic almost 2 year old. I love him dearly but im not ready for him and i dont think i ever was. I suffer from bi polar dis order and severe deppression has been pleaguing my life since i gave birth. recently i was asked what would make me happy, and my answer was leaving everything behind and just starting new. any ways enough mumble jumble i was thinking about giving my son to more mentaly healthy people who could give him a stable life and everthing he deserves. my question is do i have to place him with the state or can i help find him a family? someone please help me !

[BrandyHagz]

I moved your thread to the correct location.

No, you don't have to place with the state - in fact I urge you NOT to.

If placing is what you want to do, contact some agencies in your area or do some searches online.

I urge you to get LOTS of counseling and really think about the long term ramifications of placing your child.

If you need to talk, feel free to PM me.

[Lissa01]

Hi, My heart goes out to you. I would like to say first, please stay focused and aware. Make sure you think things out with a clearly. Just a word of advise, if you haven't already please see a counsler. If you choose that this is what you really want to do, please weigh out the options first. If you want my opinion I would not place your child with a state agency. If you want to chat more please do not hesitate to contact me Also, I may have some links that can help you along your journey. There are a lot of sites out there that are extremely detailed and that are not confusing to follow. Good luck and God Bless.
Lissa

[DCMomLady]

Hi, mybabyjordy!

I'm responding from a different perspective. I hope you don't mind. I'm not a birthmother, but I am an adoptive mother who has bipolar disorder.

I think I know what you're feeling. The hopelessness, depression and fatigue. And the feeling that you can't keep up with your life and MUST make a change. Sometimes, it is hard for us to take care of ourselves, let alone meet the demands of an energetic 2-year-old. But I want to assure you that it can be done.

I guess you're probably newly diagnosed and still searching for the right combination of medications to keep you in balance. Let me assure you that it is possible to find that balance and live a semi-normal life. I was diagnosed 30 years ago and I've been on many, many different drugs in my search for stability; but I never gave up. I've been on the same combo for about 10 years now -- Carbamazepine (an anti-convulsant that works to control my manic side), Lexapro (an anti-depressant that keeps the carbamazepine from forcing me into depression), and Trazadone (an anti-depressant that helps me to sleep). What works for me may not work for you, but I want you to know that something will work for you, if you make a commitment to your own better health and just keep trying.

Being bipolar has not prevented me from having a happy marriage for 23+ years, nor did it stop me from adopting our beautiful daughter. She is about to turn 4 years old -- and believe me, I know how stressful it can be. But I consider myself to be a good mother and my daughter provides daily evidence that I am.

I am blessed to have the support of a wonderful husband. I wouldn't have attempted to parent without him but I wouldn't say that I couldn't do it, especially if I had some family support.

I just wanted to tell you that being bipolar doesn't mean you can't parent, or even that you can't do it well. It just means you'll have to take better care of yourself along the way. I have had a chance to get to know many other people with bipolar disorder. Some of them are great parents, some do a passable job, and some are just awful -- about the same split as the percentages in the mentally healthy population, I'd guess.

I hope you give yourself a chance to find stability. At least, try not to make this kind of decision from a depressed mood. The truth of my extensive experience is: Changing the circumstances of your life -- whether it's your job, your mate, or your living situation -- won't help! You will still be bipolar and you will still have inexplicable mood swings until you get stable on medication. And when you do get stable, your life will be full of wonderful moments and great opportunities that you might wish you were sharing with your son.

I wish you all the best.

[annasmamma]

I found your post as I was looking for information on adopting an older child. I was raised by a mother who has undiagnosed ocd and have a brother who is schitzophrenic. While our home was disorganized and my mother fell to pieces frequently, I am one of ten children, she loved us and that is really all that matters. I would encourage you to get support and allow yourself to know that many people from untreated undiagnosed disorders and raise wonderful children. I alos think being appropriatley honest with your child will help him deal with things when days get a bit bumpy. In closing, there is so much more support these days for folks with disorders and whatever decision you make, give yourself time.

[mom2GRLC]

I also would not place through the state. There are many adoption agency's out there that handle older child adoptions and many many couples who are ONLY looking for older children.

If adoption is what you decide to do I would also recommend a semi-open adoption. So you would always have contact with your child in one way or another or so that he will have your info. so he can find you one day.

I know of one girl who was placed for adoption through my church agency who was 4 years old. Her birthmom was able to pick out her daughters parents and even remain in contact with them through letters and pictures. She knows it was the best decision for her child and although it was difficult she is still glad she did it.

[ManyTimesBlessed]

I would suggest that you look in the phone book for adoption agencies or homestudy agencies in your area and ask them for assistance. We were recently contacted by our homestudy agency about a 3 year old girl whose parents did not feel that they could parent her. We were not able to take on a third child as we are about to bring the first two home, but I know that our agency was very dedicated to finding a good home for this little girl.

God bless as you decide what to do.

~Rachel

[Joi Carrica]

I am adopted. My name is Joi. I am bipolar and have two boys that had to go live with their dad at the ages of 10 and 12 and they got along better with him in school and stuff than they did with me? I look back now and see that this was the best thing for them and If I couldn't take care of them or myself that wasn't doing us any good at all! I hope this helps you.Joi

[libby93]

You should definetly talk to a counsler before making up your mind. I come from a family of bipolar and have seen different levels of this dissorder. I personally do not have it, but do suffer from anxiety and mild depression. I have been medicated for 6 years now and feel as normal as normal can be. I have two biological daughters and my husband and I are looking to adopt. We are currently looking to adopt through DCF because of the costs of an agencey is just not something we can afford at this time. And because if having my life touched with this disorder I feel that I could provide a good home for an already deserving child a home that may or may not have mental stability. Of course we would love to have a baby but I feel strongly about adopting a toddler. So I can't really say that it's a bad thing for you to consider that option or people like myself would not have the oportunity to adopt, but with an angency you would have more say about what type of home your child would be placed in. I hope that things work out for you and you make the right decision for you and your little boy. I do commend you on being a strong person to admit that things are hard and that you are concerned about your son's welfare, alot of people would not consider their options as well as you have. Good Luck!

[hope2bmommyagain]

I am so sorry you feel this way. You should definitely seek couseling and a medical evaluation. Your disorder may be sucessfully treated with the right medications and you can be back on track. I think you'd be very sorry you gave up custody of your 2 year old if 6 months down the road from now, you felt great and were successfully treated.

I would recommending seeking treatment right away. Is there someone in your family that could look after your son for a weeks or months while you try to get back on track-your mother, a sister, a friend?

If you feel you absolutely certain you cannot raise your son and have carefully considered all the repercussions of placing him for adoption at this age, I would recommend an agency or private adoption. I would try to avoid the state system. With an agency or private adoption, you would have more of a say in the type of family that would adopt him. It may also be less traumatic on him to go from your home straight to his new home.

I urge you not to give up custody until you are 1000 percent sure you are unable to raise him. Please think it over and know that even with depression and bi polar disorder, medications can make a workd of difference!

Good luck!

Joanne

[tyiakoum]

Hi there,

My sister is bipolar and has chosen not to have children as a result. But being bipolar does not mean you should not have children.

Jordy, your son, is very loved by you. At the age of 2, you say he is very energetic. I can tell you from experience w/my nephews, that 2 is a tough age for raising any child, and even tougher w/boys... who want to explore, touch everything, know how everything works.

You must be cycling right now to be feeling such despair. Can you get counseling? Who diagnosed you? Can you talk to the person who dx'd you?

If you can't -- talking to your primary care physician or pediatrician about private or agency adoptions (they can refer you to an agency or attorney) might be a good step.

Don't rush to place Jordy... please do not place him w/the state. I mentor kids in foster care and at-risk. It is a very chaotic life he will lead should he be placed. YOu cannot guarantee where he will be placed.

Outside of the foster care system, you will have control over placement. You can choose the family, and how open you want the adoption to be. Most agencies offer free counseling, assistance and legal assistance to women who wish to place their children for adoption. You do not need to be an expectant mom, or be placing an infant, to seek help from an agency.

I would visit a few of the agencies in your area (they can also come to your house if you don't have transportation) and see who you feel most comfortable with.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. I am praying for you and your son, and I am praying your pain goes away. You know with bipolar, meds can manage things really well. YOu just have to find the right combo. If you don't like the way you feel on the meds you are on now, tell your doc.

Sending you huge hugs of support,

[brenda1971]

I would really think about your options. If you need to talk to someone you can email me at praying4ourangel@hotmail.com

[Daisha]

I agree with Brandy...I would NOT place him with the state. If you do that, you will have NO say in what happens with him or where he goes! This happened with a baby we were going to adopt. His birthparents and us were working on getting attorneys, etc. set up. She had had the baby and decided that after a few weeks, she wasn't ready to be a mom (her words, not mine). Anyway, one night the baby had a bad night and she freaked out and called social services. After that, it was out of all our hands. The state put him in foster care and his birthmom regrets that she then had NO say in what family he went to.

Really look into your options. If adoption is what you decide, there are a lot of couples looking for older children. Make sure you pick the right one for you son!

Good luck to you!

[UofTXFan]

Originally Posted by MybabyJordy

Hi everyone Im 22, and very new to this. I dont know if im even really going to get any help or if im in the right place but all i can do is reach out. anyway im the mother of a very energentic almost 2 year old. I love him dearly but im not ready for him and i dont think i ever was. I suffer from bi polar dis order and severe deppression has been pleaguing my life since i gave birth. recently i was asked what would make me happy, and my answer was leaving everything behind and just starting new. any ways enough mumble jumble i was thinking about giving my son to more mentaly healthy people who could give him a stable life and everthing he deserves. my question is do i have to place him with the state or can i help find him a family? someone please help me !

I do not work with or for an attorney, but I would contact one or take him to an adoption agency and see if they will help you.

[magicmag46]

talk to a counseller before you do anything, lots of options out there , dont do anything you may regret later, mags