[bonnie joan]

Is there anyone who has a bipolar and RAD kid? We have been in therapy for one year now with a great therapist who does the holding time and the kicking to get the mad out. The rage and violence and self abusiveness continues. There is no impulse control and the axiety is triggered at the slightest of limitations.

Also we have a neighbor that is so concerned that we are to strict. They want us to allow our violent kid to have more time playing with the other kids.

[lucyjoy]

Nancy Thomas has a Circle of Support tape that may be helpful with the neighbor. If your child is diagnosed bi-polar, she should be on meds for it. Have you seen any progress witht he therapy?
Is the therapist well known as an attachment therapist or just a therapist who has attachment as part of their practice? YOur therapist should be giving you advice as to how to deal with the rages your daughter is having and what to do during them.

[bonnie joan]

Thank you for your reply. We are giveing her Risperdal and it seems to work for a few weeks and then she gets use to the meds and is right back to the rage. It is as if she wants to do the right thing but can't, gets frusterated with herself and either attacks us or does self abusive things like claw at her eyes and face. The therapy has not helped the rage but it has helped in the bonding area. I am finally able to hold her and cuddle her and feed her a bottle.

Our daughter seems obsessed with going over to the neighbors. When I do let her go, they think she is an angel. When I get her back I get a volcano. What could be going on in her head? Could it be overstimulated with new toys and attention?

[bonnie joan]

Thank you for your reply. We are giveing her Risperdal and it seems to work for a few weeks and then she gets use to the meds and is right back to the rage. It is as if she wants to do the right thing but can't, gets frusterated with herself and either attacks us or does self abusive things like claw at her eyes and face. The therapy has not helped the rage but it has helped in the bonding area. I am finally able to hold her and cuddle her and feed her a bottle.

Our daughter seems obsessed with going over to the neighbors. When I do let her go, they think she is an angel. When I get her back I get a volcano. What could be going on in her head? Could it be overstimulated with new toys and attention?

[lucyjoy]

If she's doing therapy for RAD, she shouldn't be going to the neighbors and she's likely making them think you are mean so she can get things from her. It's common for kids with RAD to triagulate between adults. She goes to their house, shows them what a nice child she is, then they hear her screaming her head off back at your house. (See, I'm a nice little girl, my mom is nuts) Try not letting her go to the neighbors. She may rage at first to see if you'll give in. See if it stops when you don't.

[cimmerian6]

Kicking and acting out in violencce begets more violence it does not get the anger out. There is a wonderful book on anger by a practical buddhist that is assessable and written with christians jews and others in mind. It is not to convert you but to help you deal with anger. It is not a quick fix but maybe some of the things could help your child. The author of the books name is Thich Nhat Hanh. ... Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames. While, the child may not understand the book you ccould use some of the tactics in the book on him or her. It has worked wonderfully on my husband and is beginning to work on me though I still have a bit of a short temper the extremes I go to when angry have been substantially reined in

[lucyjoy]

Therapy kicking is not violence and actually looks more like exercise. During the therapy sessions when the child's adrenaline rises and they begin to feel overly agitated by a painful memory, kicking there legs up and down helps them release this anger is a safe manner.
It sounds weird, but it seems to help and the child relaxes their tension. (This is only one attachment therapy method, there are others)

I find the use of meditation and yaga breathing to also be useful in teaching children to calm themselves.

[cimmerian6]

But doesn't it only temporarily relieve their anger because they are too exhausted to continue. As a child they had me punch a pillow or scream but that just rehearses inappropriate behavior. Maybe, I miss understand the kicking, but wouldn't running or JUMPING ( I like the idea of jumping to shake out anger) be better for this as running doesn't mimic violent acting out? I don't have a masters or Phd in psychology, I'm just thinking about how those type of excercise did not help me.

[HappyMomAnna]

cimmerian6--Holding time and the kicking methods are both only one method of treating attachment disorders. They are also both considered somewhat controversial and not accepted in many states....so you are correct these methods may or may not help as much as we the parents wish they might....

I am interested in what you think would help more?

Many of us with YOUNG toddlers are learning to use the jumping and short bursts of positive action with our little ones to help overcome the sensory intigration issues assumed related to drug exposure and finding it is helpful--I do like your connection to the physical implications of the kicking issue...My understanding (as we have not used this method for attahcment) is that the kicking is to release Anger... which apparently requires an angry movement--I had not thought of the physical issue here and maybe that would be the same effect or maybe not...

[lucyjoy]

Kicking is illegal? I'm so glad I live where I do.

Kicking with this type of therapy releases and lets go so not the same as punching and screaming. I would never have a child punch anything to let of aggression. I don't want to train a child to hit me harder when their mad.

I do like exercise as a way to release aggression and anger. However, I've known people to get carried away with this so I only advise it's use with a therapists okay(and that is not legal in one of the US states-makes no sense to me)

[HappyMomAnna]

I have asked about using many of the ideas in Holding Time and at this point in time anyone I can talk too just seems to reject any idea that isn't mainstream....From what I can gather Lucy even some of the Safe Holds are modified and not used here???? Trust me once I have gotten some ot the HOME matters under control I intend to really dig into what the deal is here..... All I can say is that we get notices from the state in a bulliten for adoptive/foster families and it is constantly full of what is aggainst the state policies....you can do this but not that...

It is not even just foster/adoptive children but In Oregon we actually have policies on the books for: Spanking a child: must be with an open hand and leaves a mark that lasts no longer then 45 mins.... We have laws about what exact age a child can be left home alone--other states like CA don;t make a law on this because they evaluate each case IF there is a problem...

Oregon is sometimes a very weird spot--remember we are the ones who have legal assisted suicide--legal medical pot--it is illegal to pump our own gas--we have zero sales tax and a long list of dumb--strange and interesting rules other states just don't even think of passing or needing to pass.....Yeah Oregon--It's NOT easy to be Green!

[Joi Carrica]

You should let him go ahead and play with the kids his age. I am Joi and I am an adoptee with bipolar. I was diagnosed 6 years ago after my 2 boy 10 and 12 went to live with their father. It is not an easy thing to have bipolar, and have your kids taken from you at such an early age. Is he on medication for it? How can I help you? God bless and good luck to you.

[gr8fuladoptee]

Thia is a very interesting topic. I'm learning a lot. What happens if RAD goes untreated? What does it look like in adults? I don't want to jump to conclusions and put a label on anyone. But This sounds like what my friend went through.