[Stormy]

i wanted to provide a portrait of a child with autism that is positive. Often boards can become a place to vent and "warn". But my story is about what a blessing my child, who is autistic, has been in my life.

My son is 4 and was diagnosed with autism 6 months ago. He has always been different and I have taken him for many tests. But we finally got a diagnosis when a therapist finally stopped and listened to our concerns. But now that we know he is autistic we have a whole new world to exist in. Before our diagnosis we thought we were bad parents because our parenting skills weren't enough to help our son. Now we know that we just had to learn to parent differently. Since our son's diagnosis we have been able to get therapy for him and when we go to therapy we watch and ask questions so we can learn what works for our son. And we have learned how to see a melt-down coming. How to help side step a meltdown. How to calm our son when he is overstimulated. How to get him going when he is understimulated. We have learned how to communicate with him so he understands us and he is learning how to communicate with us too. We are actually seeing our sweet little angel blossom into a normal little boy. He is still different, but we see the successes and all the hard work he is doing. And it is wonderful. Parenting a child with autism is hard work. Very hard work. But once you learn how to reach a child and parent him in that different way, it is so rewarding. only children who are pretty severe really will need assistance as adults. If you give a child with mild to moderate autism the treatment, understanding and help they need they can live productive lives. But I know in the adoption world, a child like mine would wait indefinately to find a home. He is older and autistic. What is sad is that so many people would miss out on one of the greatest kids in the world. I hope that people don't fear autism in adoption. But learn more about it. Learn the different parenting techniques required. Learn about communication systems, learn about in home occupational therapy and sensory integration techniques. And learn about the support services available. It can't be done alone. And we have respite, OT, speech, school (with special ed), support groups and parenting assistance. But it has been wonderful.

If I could I would take away my son's autism in a second. I see how difficult it is for him. But for me? Autism has taught me lessons I would never want to give up.

Good luck to you all and if anyone has any questions about autism I would be happy to give more information from my perspective as a mom to a child who is autistic.

[sspete]

As the mom to a precious 8 year old daughter who is on the spectrum.....I Loved Your Post!!!! Although our children can be difficult they are precious Gift from God!!! My little one Has taught me more about life in her 8 years than I could have learned in a lifetime!!!! She is VERY mild, but a complete handful at times. Through behavior therapy she has come a Million Miles!!! Blessings to You and Your Children....it sounds as if y'all are doing a GREAT job!!!!

Thanks for posting.....S Pete

[Stormy]

Thanks, I just wanted to paint a picture of autism from my point of view as a mother of a child with the disorder. I hear a lot about how difficult children with autism can be, and they can be. But I just see how it is made so much easier when you change your parenting practices and ways of approaching a child. I am glad there is another person who has a child within the spectrum who agrees with me.

Thanks

[Meegan]

Thank you so much for pointing out that autism isn't all bad. I don't have autistic children nor is anyone in my family autistic but my high school had the best special ed program in the county and I had the wonderful experience of befriending an autistic boy. He is honestly a genius at computers (the school would call him in whenever there was a problem) and had the biggest heart in the world. My best friend, who also attended my high school, is getting a master's degree in School Pysch specializing in autism because she was able to experience the joys of working with people like him.

The boy just graduated from College with a degree in Computer Science so he's got a wonderful future ahead of him as well.

[Stormy]

And thank you for your story about your friend. My son is only 4, but seems to be very smart as well. But being a mom every "success story" is one I hold on to and when I think of what my son's future can be like I try to look at the positive stories. So thank you, you have added one to that list for me.

[Nana2Trey]

What a beautiful letter about Autistic children! We are raising our 4 y/o Grandson, and he is Autistic. I am afraid that with our age and health we need to find him a good loving home, possibly with other children, but I don't think many people will be lined up to want him. How do I list my need for him a good home on this forum??
Nana

[sspete]

Sorry.....listing for good homes is against ALL the Rules of the Forum!!!! My prayers are with you and your Grandson!!!

Staci

[sonni]

Stormy, We are adoptive parents to an almost 4 year old boy, diagnosed with Autistic Disorder. I can relate to your joy in parenting a son with mild Autism. My family is waiting for a match to adopt again. We are being considered for a child who has Autism. I know that some social workers do not know a lot about Autism.....they don't understand that it is a spectrum disorder, effecting people mild to severe, and there are parenting techniques that help in manageing behaviors. I am afraid that some people might think having 2 sons with Autism would be just too much. Would you allow me to share your post about your experiences with my social worker and possibly the childs social worker? Your post really touched me. I have a lot of the same feelings you have. Thank you, Sonni

[Stormy]

Please do! And thank you! Good luck to you. I found that a lot of workers didn't understand Autism too. My nephew also has autism, and we had taken classes and trainings in parenting children with Autism. But when we sent in a homestudy for a child who's older sibling was autistic the worker sent a cover letter that made it VERY clear that she didn't understand one thing about autism. Fortunately I had spoken to the baby's worker. It didn't work out with that child sadly, however, a year later our older son was diagnosed. And the child we did adopt was prenatally exposed to drugs and alcohol. so he has many similar issues. But we find the two of them very managable together. It does help to have a "mommy's helper" in the house. But our son is getting respite and a college student coming every day to help him (paid for though the state in a program for children with Autism). And I have several friends with 2 children with Autism. they require a little extra assistance. And they of course have two children to advocate for through the school system. But they manage very well.

Good luck to you! I really believe that our children need such understanding and patience that I think the best choice for a child with Autism is to be raised by a parent who has a child with Autism or who has direct experience. Not to say that someone can't learn all that, but lets face it, you already know the drill and have proven you are up to the challenge. Please update me and let me know how it turns out.

[sonni]

Stormy, Thanks for your reply. Your right about most social workers not being educated about autism. Last year we were passed up for a beautiful 5 year old with autism because his social worker told me that she had concerns about placeing him in a home with another autistic child. She felt he would not get the attention he needed. We were the only family in our county who would consider autism. She ended up choosing a family out of our county who had no experience with autism and already had "several" children. Now we are being considered for a 3 year old that is said to have "autistic features" but the Dr. has denied a diagnosis. Knowing how hard it is to get an initial diagnosis (from my own experience) I bet he is autistic but not diagnosed. Maybe the social worker is happy about that because now it won't be as hard to find an adoptive family for him. All I know is.....this child needs a family like mine who will advocate for his needs. I am excited about the prospect, and will keep you posted. Thanks again, I loved your letter and will share it with this childs social worker! Sonni

[Stormy]

We had a hard time getting a Dr. to commit to a diagnosis too. In fact, I walked out of our first Psychiatrist's office telling him he was offering us no help. (he said the best he would do is a diagnosis of ADHD and offer medication. But he didn't want to "label" him) Since then I looked further and got a confirmed diagnosis at Hopkins. Without the "label" you can't get the services and without hte services you can't get the treatment and without the treatment you can't get better. I also think (and this is my opinion) that in adoption sometimes the label is hidden so that a child is easier to place. I sure hope that they place that child with someone who is ready to parent him.

Good luck

[sonni]

I agree with you Stormy. I am sure they (the social workers) are pleased that the Dr. did not diagnose autism. If they try and place this child with an unexperienced family with out offering services to address the "autistic features" I am afraid the placement might disrupt. I was told he has already had "several" foster placements as a result of his behaviors. So, there may be some attatchment issues as well. Wish me luck. I am going for it! LOL Sonni

[sonni]

Stormy, we are matched with the 3 year old boy! We have not gone to the formal presentation yet so, we have not said, "yes" but we are hopeful and excited. This little guy does not have a "label" but, never the less has some emotional and behavior issues. The social workers think we are the right family to meet his needs. We pray that they are right! Take care, Sonni

[Dolphins1]

We have a 5-year-old bio son who was diagnosed in the spectrum at age 2. I have enjoyed reading this thread. I wanted to offer a recommendation of a book entitled "Overcoming Autism" by Lynne Kern, ph.D. Koejel, Claire Scovell Lazebnik. This book so far has been an easy read and is written with such optimism and hope. I would definitely recommend it to anyone in this situation. I wish it was around when we first received diagnosis.

We are also an adoptive family hoping to pick up our daughter in the next couple of weeks.

Thanks to all for sharing.

[zaftra]

How encouraging to see other mom's being advocates for children on the spectrum!!

Wow!

That's exciting!

I have two biological children on the spectrum and I feel that it has completely opened the door to sharing love with other children that are misunderstood, from Russia particularly.

What a great Thread!

Thank you!