[Richie68]

Hi Everyone

Good to see a few of us still chatting on line. Would love to hear from some of our previous people. To hear how you are all getting on.

Nice to here from you also Kune (forgot to say hi the other day). It's lovely to here from a Birth Mum and yes I can only imagine that your views on adoption would be completely on a different tangent than ours. Especially back in the 60's where (in NZ) you basically didn't get a choice. I must read your previous postings - I would love to read your views. I'm actually interested on your thoughts for my son's birthmother. She has decided not to make contact and we have, as promised made contact once. Do you think I should try again in a while or do you think that I should hold off until she decides to contact us. I'd love to know your viewpoint. We really would love her to be part of her birth son's upbringing. But she may still have a few wounds to heal first. Your thoughts appreciated. Also what do you think of the term "birth mum / birth child" - sounds a bit strange to me.

Anyway, for the rest of you. Well this week is the beginning of the cycle of IVF. Nothing much happens for the first 3 weeks except blood tests etc. So fingers crossed. I'll let you know how it progresses. I've started on decafe Coffee as I was getting sick of Milo and Hot Chocolates. I hope Decafe is okay. Surely it must be.

Best get back to work! Richie

[ChelseaCFC]

Hi Everyone.

Well, it's been a very long week here in London. We went from a high of Live8 - believing we really could make a difference, then winning the Olympic bid to the awful cold feeling of Thursday morning as we realised what was going on. It sure puts things into perspective. As I make my dull daily commute to work I think about how suddenly your world can change. Hearing from loved ones near and far - makes you realise how important family is. I mean family in all it's various forms.
Actually I don't have much more to say - still a bit too shell shocked I think.
Take care of yourselves and remember to tell those you love that you do.
ChelseaCFC

[coffee_please]

Chelsea, I really feel for you. My thoughts are with you. Take Care of yourself.

[Richie68]

Hi Chelsea

Ditto above (with Coffee Please). I only caught the tail end of the mid day news and was trying to work out what was going on. It wasn't until I logged on line to discover the full horror of the situation. I don't know if you have heard but their is currently a kiwi girl missing (assumed to be one of the many who have died). My thoughts go out to you and all your British (Kiwi and Aussie) friends over there as well. We all here (and in Aussie) and thinking of everyone there.

[kune]

Richie and others
Thanks for the welcome Richie - it seemed unpatriotic to check the NZ website and not to post!! I've been surfing this site for about 3 yrs and it was good to see some dialogue going on rather than single unanswered posts. I've got to get one thing straight -I don't think our (birthparents) perception of adoption is on a completely different tangent. I placed my son knowing it was the best decision I could make in my bad circumstances. Hard to imagine I know but there was no such thing as Domestic Purposes Benefit or Family assistance. That didn't come in until 1972. That's why 1700 children were adopted in NZ in 1969. It was hard and something I always regretted, but adoption was my life-line and certainly my sons. So I support adoption - I have a 34 yr old son who is a living breathing testament that the system doesn't always stuff-up and there are good people who are ready to parent and make a wonderful job of doing so. And......he's their son, created by me but will always be their son. He searched for me - I would never have presumed that he would want me in his life - but I always had the hope that he would need answers to questions. And he did - and life is good - we have a relationship that keeps us both happy - not Mother and Son but more two people who are intrinsically connected and care for each other. So....if you have the address of your child's birthmother I think the best thing you could do is send her photos and card say....every 6 months. Tell her that there is a place for her in your family's life and leave the rest up to her. But continue the correspondence, if not for her, then for your son.
In our case...my son's parents had limited information but they were really hurt when he searched, and that in turn, hurt him. They had supported him in everything else he ever wanted to do, but in this instance (what he considered a real need,) they reacted with anger. Your son will never do that - feel that - if he knows you made an effort for him to have birthfamily in his life.
Names - first mother - birthmother -the title is irrelevant. You and your son will work out what to "call" her. In the adoptions that I know of most call them by their first name, but my friend Marcia called her daughters b/mother myKaren, so the daughter followed suit. I liked the sound of that. You will work out what feels right for you, daughter and birthmum (if she has an active role in the family.)
When did you adopt and how old is your daughter? And well done!! I'm pleased to see that adoption is still an option and open adoptions are sought by birth and adoptive parents. Are they legally enforceable in NZ? Like if a birthmother make an agreement for the adoption to be open and the adoptive parents decide to close it, can it be challenged in the Family Court?
I'm with you in my horror of what happened in London on Thurs morning, and my thoughts to those who are mourning or still trying find family in the chaos. I'm thankfull that mine are home in NZ after 4 & 5 years living in London. Makes you very glad that we live in a small country down the bottom of the world.
IVF - whew.....hormones, proceedures, Dr's, dreams and postive results at the end. Green Tea they tell me. Expels toxins and stimulates the body. Good luck!!!

Ann

[loubielou]

Hi everyone
Good to come back and see so much action on this thread. Esp' nice to have a birthmums perspective Ann - I know we all have some fears about what will "be" if we are successful in adopting. I would like to think we act as guardians and get the chance to share our child's life with it's first family if that is possible (and that is assuming we are lucky enough to adopt of course.. ). Every situation is unique I guess - and it sounds like yours was tough but that you have made the best of it, which is very heartening. Sorry, I hope that doesnt sound patronising. I guess that I really am quite scared about the prospect of what the future holds (tho totally excited too...!!!). Anyway. Thanks for sharing your stuff with us.

Richie - thinking of you and hope your first weeks of IVF are going ok. I have a friend who conceived on her 3rd cycle. I know she went thru a lot emotionally with the drugs. Hope it is ok for you. Saying that, my friend is about to start for number 2, so worth it I guess.

I am also on herbs, so have everything crossed that one way or the other we will have a family some day.

Cake-girl - I understand the need to parent on your own. tho I am married now, i would certainly consider adopting on my own if I were still single. Sounds like you have plenty of support too - which is lovely.

Coffee-please - I think it's great that you have been able to be happy for your work-mates who are pg. That is a rare moment for me. I still have major episodes of jealousy when I hear people are able to conceive easily.

Chelsea - those bombings were just awfull. It really does rock you doesnt it? And it is a reminder to appreciate how precious life is. I know I've done a lot of feeling sorry for myself on this "ttc / adoption journey" and watching the impact of that reminds me to appreciate what I've got.

Hi to all those who are lurking, and anyone I've missed.

Loubielou

[Willowgirl]

Hi there, the moment we found out my husband was infertile we pursued adoption...no other treatment, no other choice for us. Adoption was how we had planned to achieve our family if things didn't go the usual way. Just ignore anyone who offers alternatives...ie we even had a friend offer their son as a sperm donor...would you believe it??? You know in your heart what you want to do and what is right for you as a couple...go with it..As for support, it is out there. I have set up an Aussie chat room in the Yahoo groups and you are welcome to visit any time...just email me..netmeffa@tpg.com.au By the way, I have 3 gorgeous kids, 15 years after starting the adoption process...

[Willowgirl]

I will quickly add something to my last post and that is that I am still active in the Adoption world as we have our hand up for a 4th child, would you believe it? Just today I was a guest speaker at a training course for 7 new couples starting the long road to becoming parents..very interesting, things have changed a great deal since we started all those years back..Anway, after all these years I guess you can call me experienced...I have definitely had the open adoption experience so feel free to ask any questions...

[coffee_please]

Hi Guys

Thanks for the Post Lyn. Wow, 3 kids – Personally I would call you experienced!!! Have you had any on-going contact with the birthfamilies? Are your children biologically related to each other? Anything off the top of your head that you want to warn/mention?

Also, while I'm on. A small update. We have handed our final draft profile in. We are now waiting to hear what changes (if any) they want us to make. Hopefully none. So we are well on the way. We should hear this week. I will keep you posted.

[Willowgirl]

Hi there, nice to hear from you. Two of my children are full biological siblings but came at different times. My first son is a single. My first son came at 12 weeks, my second son came at 12 months and my daughter came at 10 months.
We do have access with the birthparents from the two younger ones. All birthparents are entitled to 4 access per year and this is lower than what is expected these days. I am told that a minimum of 6 is the normal these days.

[ChelseaCFC]

Hi Everyone. Sorry I've not been around for a while. I've been busy finishing up at work (finished last week) and spent this week trying to work out what to take with me for my big trip back to NZ.

I hope everything is going well for all of you. I'm starting to get nervous starting IVF - but also a little excited too. I've had so much support from people though - it's been really very touching. You kind of forget living in a busy city like this that people really do care about each other.

Thanks also guys for your kind words re the bombings. Life isn't really normal here yet, and won't be for a very long time.

Richie - I have my fingers and toes crossed for you and am sending you wishes that all is going well so far for you.

Coffee_please - congrats on getting your profile done. Another step along the way.

I just can't wait till we are all families. I know that one way or another we all will be. Willowgirl - three already and going for a fourth! That's great - I'm putting twins on my wish list for the IVF, that would certainly get me off to a head start .

Anyway - better go, my brain is a bit blitzed today and I'm having trouble slinging words together.

Best wishes to you all.
Chelsea CFC

[loubielou]

Just lurking and wondering what everyone's up to...
Any news? Profiles made? Placements?
We are pretty much in the same place. Waiting...and hoping. We have been in the pool 10 months now. Still optimistic.

Would love to hear how other people are doing.

Lou

[coffee_please]

Hi Guys,
We're still here and still in the same boat. We are still waiting for our profile to be accepted. I think since I last posted a message, our profile has been bounced back to us 3 times with different changes required. I mean seriously!!!!! And I'm still talking about dumb things, nothing major. But still, our Case Worker is the professional and should know what she is talking about. So we take her at her word that she is right and remind ourselves that it's not that she doesn't like us (although it's hard to not think that some days). How about everyone else. What's going on out there?
Kirsty

[cakegirl]

Hey there Kirsty and Lou,

It's good to hear updates from you guys, even if it is just "we're still waiting"...

I'm back from my overseas trip (won 2 silver medals and one bronze in my 3 comps!) and now am knuckling down to it... I have a 2-day course with DOCS on Thursday and Friday, and that would end with them handing me the "next phase" or paperwork, except that I have also opted to do the course for adopting older children, with no available places until December, so I may be delayed until then to start filling out my next load of forms...

But at least I get to do SOMETHING now! And tomorrow, I'm bagging up old clothes and linens to take to charity. The next few weeks it will be books from my and my mum's houses to take to the book exchange (to get credit, which I can hopefully use for children's books in the not-too-distant future)...

[kune]

Cakegirl
You have probably posted elsewhere but tell me, what were you competing in???? Whatever it was...sounds like you are better than gooooooood -you are awesome!!!!

Ann