[cakegirl]

Hi there Chelsea,

Traditionally, I am an extremely disorganised person, and I can rarely remember events from a week ago... (I had someone call me on Wednesday and ask if I had talked to people on Monday night about topic X, and for the life of me, I COULD NOT remember Monday night!)

So, I am applying for international adoption. I am a single applicant, and I know that here in Australia, that will hold me back a little and probably make my application take longer than average. I've "expressed an interest" in Columbia and India, because both have programs that seem at first glance to be OK for me - single, my age, and I'm not religious.

If this application does not go through, I will re-apply, because by then, I'll be old enough to apply to adopt from China. (You have to be 30 to apply to adopt from China, and I'm nearly 28.)

My mother is currently gunning for India... She told me she thought India rather than Columbia would be the most "culturally appropriate" for me... I'm not sure that one is "better" than the other - I'm open for a child from anywhere - I know the right child will find me, and I'm not blocking off any doorways that the child could possibly come through!

That's really great that your bosses were so kind when you told them of your plans, and it's good to know you have a place to return to work as well. That must be very comforting!

Well, I'm off for a cup of tea and a sandwich - it's good to see this forum active!

Rebecca

[Richie68]

Hi I'm back again. I'm sitting her drinking a lime and water from a wine glass trying to feel better about the fact that I have given up the vino (I remembered that either ChesleaCFC or Cakegirl asked me if I had - and I have!) My dh is watching the delayed coverage of the NZ Maori's beat the Lions (though he doesn't know that yet - and I've been on line so I know the results - I'm teasing him about finding out the score). It is your typical Saturday. So remember this ladies (and gents) as you fill out your forms - little sweethearts have to be tucked up in bed on Saturday nights (as they refuse to sleep elsewhere) and there is no more wild parties or happy hangovers the morning after. lol.

Well everyone appears to be very organised this week. Organising their lives (which I must say I was simply impressed about - especially the insurance part) and having the guts to tell their bosses what they were up to. Hats off to you both. So ChesleaCFC do we have a date on the initial appt yet? I don't have to phone back until mid-July as that is when they can book me in - then it all starts then.

As for Cakegirl I would not be too worried about the timeframes. You are sooo lucky to be so young. We did not adopt until we were in our mid and late 30's. Trust me they told me I was young when I first enquired in my early 30's. To think you will have more the mortgage paid off and more financially stable by the time your bundle of joy comes a long. One thing I can promise you all that once you have got over being "hit by a train" they are a wonderful bundle of joy - and you will love every minute of it.

I took my wonderful bundle of joy to the Wiggles this last week held at the Town Hall. We ran up the front, we ran down to the back and just for good measure we ran around and around. My ds have never heard of "stop, sit and watch". Naturally he was in bed very early that night and I sat longingly staring at the coffee jar saying "just one" to settle my nerves.

Well it is good night from me. Let me know how everyone is. Did everyone watch the game tonight?

Richie68

[cakegirl]

Hi there Ritchie68!

Well, my flatmate watched the game (he's a NZer) and was very impressed with himself too - apparently a win for NZ is a win for ALL NZers!

Ah, I have no problem with giving up Saturday night parties and drinking and stuff! It's been a LONG time since I've enjoyed that sort of stuff... Plus, my best friend has a 15-month-old and is trying for another, so I can see that by the time I adopt, my afternoons are going to be spent either at home with the little one, or doing kiddie activities with my best friend!

So yes, I'm doing well on the organisational scale... It's a public holiday here on Monday, but I have a long list of things I'm going to get done by lunchtime Tuesday, and then I'm going to be yet another step closer to being completely organised!

An acquaintance of mine (17 years old) is going on a high school exchange to France for a year, and is having a garage sale to raise some money... What a great opportunity for me to do a big cleanout and donate things to her to sell!!!

I'm not too worried about the timeframes for my adoption process... I've got 2 months overseas later this year, which I know is going to make the time between now and Christmas just FLY by... Plus there's all this organising, sorting out of finances, and I've just started a business too (maufacturing and distributing martial arts products for women!) whcih I know is going to keep me busy!

I'm glad I've started this process now too, while I'm still in my 20s. I haven't "given up" on the idea of settling down with a man and having children the "traditional" way, but for me, my heart is open for a child now, and families get made all sorts of ways! I'm just choosing to start mine this way!

LOL at the Wiggles story. I took my best friend's niece to see them when she was about four, and she was SO frightened! She spent most of the show sitting in my lap facing AWAY from the stage! I kept encouraging her to get up and dance, and I was singing along to all the songs, but to no avail. Then suddenly by herself, she got up off me, stood up, and looked at the stage, and then turned around to me and said "I can see much better when I'm standing!" How funny!

See ya,

Rebecca

[coffee_please]

Hi Chelsea, Cakegirl, Ritchie and everyone else (that is still too shy to speak up)



Cakegirl – I too am so impressed with your organization!!! It’s a stretch for me to even get my lunch / clothes ready for work the next day.



BTW – I had no idea about the “30 years” thing with China. That really interests me. I too am in my late 20s (27), when I started this adoption process I was 23. I can’t believe it was that long ago, all I can say is that I’m really glad we made the decision to adopt when we did. I’m glad we didn’t decide to wait. To be honest, I really didn’t think it would take this long to only get to this point. It has disappointed me actually – I think we are a good catch (LOL).



How weird (and totally cool) is it that these big scary serious business type people are being so fantastic about all this fertility / adoption stuff. The support I have received has absolutely blown me away. I haven’t met someone yet who hasn’t been completely supportive and sympathetic to our plight. And to think I was so scarred to tell my boss.



Chelsea – In answer to your question re the photos and fluffy animals - Well, we are getting there. But only because we are lugging our camera around everywhere and snapping away like mad things. And I mean EVERYWHERE. Even when we trundle off to work in the morning. But it does seem to be paying off – we are getting some really good snaps.



Chelsea are you the person moving or thinking of moving back to NZ? If so, how are those plans coming along? Or are you here already and I missed it? Sorry if I have this completely wrong.



We are experiencing a huge amount of fog in Auckland at the moment. It’s terrible.



Ritchie – How is everything going for you? Have you started those dreaded injections yet? I’m very interested in the details, because (as you know) it is something I haven’t completely ruled out for a later date. I love the wiggles story. I can’t wait. ) Bring it ON!!!



Re the coffee thing. You are so brave. I just couldn’t do it. It’s my thing. I mean look at my sign in name for crying out loud. I remember trying the Dr Atkins diet a couple of years ago (and having to drink decaf). I nearly died. Okay a slight exaggeration, but still – not an experience I want to repeat anytime soon. )



Update - I have it on good authority (dh) that our profile will be finished by the end of June and in for assessment. WooHoo. I’m holding him to this timeframe by the way. You see I wrote most of it (as I think I have said before) and as he is the arty-farty one, he is putting it all together with photos etc… I am still really excited but let it be done already!



You know, I was really worried that ‘our’ site had gone forever when it had that trouble not so long ago. All I could think to myself is that I had no way to contact you brilliant people so we could stay in touch. I was really sad (and swearing ALOT). Do you think we should have a backup contact plan (incase the brown stuff hits the whirly thing one day)? I really want to keep in touch, and as some of you have mentioned before – have a get together WHEN we are ALL successful with our plans. Ideas??



Anyway that’s it from me.



Take Care, keep safe and talk to you all soon.



Kirsty (CoffeePlease)

[cakegirl]

Hi there Kirsty and others,

I understand how it can be hard to be organised! It used to be hard for me to get ready for work too! However, I've been working from home for a few years, and it's great - I don't HAVE to get ready! All I have to do is make sure I wake up - I can wear my PJs all day if I want, and I can just get my lunch out of the fridge!

The 30 age requirement with China is one of their requirements that they give DOCS (Department of Community Services) for adoptive families. If there's a couple, both don't have to be 30, but one must. As I'm adopting as a single, I have to be 30 to adopt from China. From recollection, they also have a maximum age for infants - maybe 45?

It's tough, becuase I feel almost "called" to adopt from China. Which is why I'm not pinning my hopes on this application that I've just sent in for Colombia or India. I've sent it anyway, because I strongly feel that my child will "find" me, and that maybe s/he is in one of those two countries... But I also have a niggly feeling in the back of my head that if this application goes ahead, once the adoption is finalised, I'll apply again, for China.

So we're both 27! I'm glad to have found others in their 20s on here... It seems that adoption often gets considered by people when they've exhausted all other means of having children and living life - i.e. they've tried getting pregnant the natural way, they've maybe tried a few cycles of IVF, perhaps tried living 5 years with dogs instead of kids, etc, so they're in their mid to late 30s when they start to apply. That's been the experience I've had with adoptive families, anyway...

I'm glad I've made my decision now. I'm sure that one day I'll meet the right guy and settle down with him, but for now, I'm called to have children, and I'd rather do it through adoption than to go through all the hoop-la of convincing a friend to donate me some sperm, or even worse, what a lot of girls around my area seem to do, use the "it's OK honey, I'm on the pill" line... It seems to happen more than planned pregnancy around here!

I can't believe that you've had such negative experiences, especially with the medical professionals. That makes me crazy when Drs think that because they spent 7 years at med school, they can tell you how you want to live your life! I spent 7 years at uni too, just studying literature and languages! And I don't try to tell people what's best for them!!!

How is your mum going with adjusting to the idea of the open adoption? My mum has always been 100% behind me. When I came (I thought) out of left field and told her last year that I was considering international adoption, I thought she would be very, VERY surprised, but instead she just said "No, that's not very surprising. In fact, it makes sense. It makes perfect sense." While as a kid, I wasn't the one planning how many kids I'd have when I grew up, I've always been 1) a very nurturing person, and 2) very interested in international events/people/cultures, etc (I did a high school exchange in Finland for a year and a university exchange in the USA for a year, and I have friends from those experiences from all around the world).

My dad on the other hand... He thinks it's a terrible idea. That said, he's from a completely separate generation - he's turning 73 this year, old enough to be my grandfather, really. His arguments against my adopting a child were firstly that all children from single-parent families grow up to be irresponsible adults, and blame their lack of motivation and drive on the fact that they only had one parent. I kid you not. He said that and he believes it.

He also REALLY wants me in a traditional family - married, house in the suburbs, 1/4 acre block, stable job, etc. When I bought my townhouse 3 years ago, he was quite upset. He had a glory box of things for me for when I grew up and bought a house, and he gave them to me when I bought it, but it honestly never occurred to him that I would buy a house - without a husband!!! So it kind of upsets him that I've bought a house and am not married, that I have an "unusual" job, where I work from home, and even worse that I could be choosing to be a single parent.

Well, in my organising phase that I'm going through now, I've filled out the application forms and written the cheques to join a couple of suport organisations for adoption here in Australia. To adopt from some countries from here, DOCS actually has a requirement that you be in the organisation... I'm going to one of these group's information days in July, too, so hopefully I'll be able to meet some people here in Oz that I can talk to about all this! I'd really like to meet single applicants from Australia, so I can find out what I'm really in for LOL!

I'm also buying a product called Litter Kwitter, which is designed to train cats to go to the toilet in a human toilet - isn't that a weird concept! I saw it on the TV the other day. We (I rent 2 rooms in my house out to friends) have a toilet in the laundry that none of the people really use, so that's officially going to become the cats' toilet... I know, I know, I am a crazy cat lady... But seriously, how good would it be to not have to deal with kitty litter any more!

Kirsty, I think it's a good idea to have an alternate contact method... I don't know, maybe if we each shared our email address or something? Well, I can give you all my address, and if the site goes down again, you can email me and I can get everyone in contact again? This is not an email address I use often, but I promise you, I'll check it if there's a problem with the site. It's:
cakegirl at phentonne dot com

Well, I'm off for a run now. No, I don't like running. I'm just trying to lose weight. I'm going to the US to compete (I'm a grappler) and I need to drop a weight class. So, for the next 2 months, it's runs, bike rides, salad and fruit for me! Wish me luck!

Talk to you all later,

Rebecca

[Richie68]

Hi there everyone

Go the All Blacks (ChesleaCFC do you support the All Blacks these days or are a heavily converst Football supporter these days?)

Cakegirl I've been reading with interest about your situation and didn't want to say to much for fear of sticking my beak in where it does not belong. But now you have mentioned what I was thinking I'm now going to ask the all important question. I know that you said that you did not want to ask anyone to donate their sperm but surely Aussie runs on the same system as NZ. I had a friend who recently had two children from the same father via anonymous sperm donation. This anonymous doner listed that he was happy for his sperm to be provided to a maximum of two single woman (and 4 couples). So maybe you should check with your local IVF Clinic to see if sperm donation is provided to single woman as it is here in NZ. Just a thought. Or is this just not possible in Aussie?

Richie68 (hopefully not being toooo nosey )

[cakegirl]

Hey there Ritchie68,

No, don't worry about being nosy - this is a board to express yourself, after all!

Well, we do have IVF here (best friend's sister had a baby girl last year on her first try at IVF), I don't know if it's available to singles or not, but the government has just changed all the laws to reduce the availability of the program, limit the number of cycles that can be done in a year, and to increase the costs...

I don't know, I have this gut feeling that a pregnancy should be shared within a couple if possible... If I had a partner and we couldn't get pregnant, I'd have no hesitation at looking into IVF. I guess I feel like I would need some sort of physical support during a pregnancy as well...

Anyway, my gut instinct is that adoption is the way to start my family, and I'll add to the family later - when I meet the right guy, he could already have children of his own, or we might have children the "traditional" way, or we might adopt together, or we might be really old by the time we meet and just be happy in our rocking chairs on the porch - who knows!

Rebecca

[coffee_please]

Hi Guys,

CakeGirl - My mum is totally coming around. Don't get me wrong, she is still nervous about having the birth parents in our lives, but now she is so excited about being a Grandmum again, and in her eyes things are finally starting to happen (after all these years of just 'talk') so she is now able to look past the nervousness and just be excited for us all.

It's a shame about your dad tho. Do you think he will come around when your little one is in his life?

Litter Kwitter - how cool. I totally believe that animals can be trained to do just about anything. I have pet mice that are trained to use a litter box within their cage. Very funny. (Well as of last night - only one pet mouse). 1.5 years old an died of old age. Very sad.

Thanks for the addy. Mine is cursedkirsty at hot mail dot com. Ditto with my addy. I don't use it often (except on messenger). Are any of you guys on messenger?

What on earth is a grappler?

Lets ask questions - be nosy - be personal. Just feel comfortable knowing that if we are being too personal the other person will tell us to butt out. I wont be offened. Tell me to butt out anytime you like.

Why has the Australian government changed the laws around IVF? Was is free/subsidised or something? I have heard nothing of this. Why would you want to limit the number of cycles done in a year? I'm really confused. In NZ, if you have been trying to get pregnant for 5 years or more, you are legally entitled to 2 free sessions of IVF.

I find your views on pregnancy/adoption really amazing. I'm not passing judgement at all - please dont get me wrong - I've just never really thought too much about it from a single perspective before. It's really interesting to hear your thoughts. When I was pregnant, I can remember thinking - how do these girls do it alone? I really don't think I could have, or would have wanted to. So I think I get what you are saying about that. Do you worry the same about being a single parent? About not being able to share the milestones with someone? But then I guess if you have a good support network (i.e. your mum) it wouldn't really be that different. Do you and your mum live close in locality?

Richie - Sperm donation really interests me. To be honest I don't know much about it. Do you have to do IVF with the Sperm or is it up to you how you use it? Like a turkey baister situation? Sorry if that sounds terrible, I'm not trying to be funny.

In my eyes sperm donation seems a good way to go if you were single and wanted to get pregnant. It has a bit of a stigma around it tho doesn't it? I wonder why.... Hmm.

Hey, have you guys ever wondered what its going to be like when our adopted children are teenagers and dating. Do you think you will be screening their lovers for signs of likeness incase they are related in someway? Maybe submit them to a DNA test. LOL. Have you guys heard any stories about this?

Well that's it from me. Opps except one other thing. Thurs and Fri of last week I found out two ladies at my work are pregnant and are expecting in Dec and Jan. I wasn't upset. I wasn't angry or jelious. I was happy. Really. I even said to one of them, you never know, I could have a baby before you. Isn't that a spooky thought.

Take Care, keep in touch.

Kirsty

[cakegirl]

Hi everyone, and welcome to a new week!

Kirsty, I've added you to my MSN chat - for anyone else that uses MSN, on that, I'm sempairebecca at hot mail dot com.

It's good to hear that your mum is coming around. I have no doubt that my dad will come around once there's a grandson or granddaughter in his life... He's one to make a blanket statement, but then make "exceptions" in real life...

And to answer your question "What on earth is a grappler?"... Grappling is like wrestling, only instead of just trying to get a good position, you're allowed to use submission techniques, like chokes and joint locks.

I honestly have no idea why the Aus govt has changed the IVF laws. I don't pay enough attention to the news to follow the story. I just remember the controversy when it was being discussed, because the govt is supposedly pro-family, but at the same time they were restricting the availability of IVF. I'll try and do a little bit of research about it and get back to you guys.

I worry about being a single parent, but not about not being able to share the milestones with someone. My concerns are about logistics - can I work and still be there for an infant? Can I work enough to secure our future and still be there in the afternoon to pick my child up from school? Do I want to put my child into childcare, and if so, for how long? Etc. I really don't worry that I won't have a partner to share with... I dunno, maybe I'm not cut out for the whole "partner" stuff...

I have a great support network, though. My mum and dad both live about 20 minute's drive away from me, and sometimes I even ride my bike over to visit them. I grew up in the area, so I have my best friend and her sister (one has a 15 month old, one has a 9 year old) nearby, my foster sister lives in the same apartment complex as me, plus a lot of friends and acquaintances from my martial arts circles.

Talk to you all later,

Rebecca

[Richie68]

Hi Everyone (and Hi to the other 296 viewers out there also). So did anyone see "Dancing with the Stars - NZ". Good on you Norm - I voted for him!

Well you see little by little, day by day you learn a little more about people. A Grappler - I can honestly say I had never heard of that before, but I can guarantee by the end of the week someone I know will know someone who has done Grappling (if that is the correct term).

Well done on the "saving face" situation regarding the pregnant workmates ) One thing that you can guarantee if you always appear happy for everyone who is pregnant that they will always remember it. That's all my girlfriends have ever said after we got our son. How wonderful I was and how I didn't make them feel bad about being so fertile (and man are they fertile). Though I did have the odd hurtful comment - one girlfriend apologised for being so fertile - she never realised how cutting the remark was as I never showed it - and I know she never meant it as cutting.

Coffee_Please you are soo right on the dating front. I watched a documentary 4 years ago about a man in his 20's who had two wonderful older parents and lived the typical Amercian life. Life was normal. He found out upon their death that he was adopted. His best friend who was like a brother to him - was his brother. A formal girlfriend - his sister. Even the gym instructor was his brother. Turned out he came from a large seperated family. Believe it or not! Only in American ah.

I keep on thinking - I hope my son never goes for older woman as their is only 16 years difference between them. In many of the books I've read about reunited ** and bc they actually talk about there sometimes being a certain sexual energy between the two individuals due to the closeness in age and that famililarity - I can believe that to be very true in a few cases.

Oh as for the Sperm Donation thing - very much like the Turkey Baister thing. My girlfriend said it was 10 mins you are in an out! She made me laugh.

Well it is past my bedtime. I work two days a week from home so I better be up bright and early. I did have MSN I will get it reinstated (I have to rebuild my pc) once I can remember my username and password. I think I'll set up a new one.

'til next time

Riche68

[kune]

Hi you lot
Really nice to see that someone is using the Aust/NZ thread on the site.
I've been coming here for years (it seems) and there's a few other NZ'rs & Aussies that I meet every now and again in chat or the forums. I'm a birthmum from the late 60's so not quite your era, and of course, I view adoption slightly different than you, but I also appreciate your enthusiasm and hopes.
I'll pop in again - but ""ON YA!!"" Its a good site and you learn heaps about how others think/feel -and it will all pay off when you are parents.
Cheers - Ann

[coffee_please]

Now who caught the Lions vs All Blacks game last night!?!?!?!?!!? OMG

[Richie68]

Yes it was great. And how about Saturday's game in Wellington. OMG.
Coffee Please it's now 4 July - did your Social Worker sign off your profile - as you advised earlier. Are you "in the pool" now officially?

[coffee_please]

Nope - but not her fault - ours. Dh said he needed until the end of June to put our profile together. So i gave him until the end of June. Now the printer is out of ink.... so more waiting (I've been told until tomorrow). Then he will print it, and we will drop it off to her next week (school holidays). Then no excuses. I hope then it wont be too long before its officially approved and we are in the pool, but you never know. I promise, I will post that message when it happens. How are things going with you?

[ChelseaCFC]

Hi Everyone

Apologies for the long silence. Working too many hours still. But not for much longer. Only 4 weeks left, then off home to NZ - YAY! Richie - I'm clean on coffee, only had a headache for the first day - but boy do I miss it.
Been watching the games - what a side Graham Henry's got aye? Went to Live8 on Saturday so pretty much a perfect day after watching the rugby in the morning.
Coffee (can I call you Decaf?) - I hope you finally get in 'the pool' soon. Then I'll be crossing fingers and toes for you. Richie - how are you doing? Well, I'm waiting for my shopping to arrive (how lazy is that?!) and it sounds like the van has pulled up.
Take care everyone.
Chelsea