[kune]

Marissa
I see you found them - good post - and a good group of people to be in touch with
Cheers
Ann

[proudmum]

hi coffee please,,, yes we had the same worries with the contact with the bmother,,, we had to be very careful with what we said,,, i evem told her that if she changed her mind that i knew it wasnt personal.... really hard and it was always in the back of our mind until the final order went through,,, which we were told would take 6 months but actually took 8 due to the xmas holidays,,, but i have heard of the private adoptions,,,,we also got the i know someone who knows someone stuff,,, our hopes were constantly dashed because they had got some part of the story wrong,,,, very annoying....... great thread by the way,,,, also this opan you talk of do you know the details as i have never heard of it..
thanks
marissa

[coffee_please]

Here is the OPAN website http://www.opan.org.nz/

[coffee_please]

Well folks, tomorrow it will be 3-weeks since our profile was sent down to a ** who was due "any day". We said we would be hopeful for 3-weeks, and if we hadn't heard anything by then, we would let it go. So, as we haven't heard a thing, I am here letting it go.

I'm not sad. I think I'm not sad because even tho I was hopeful, I wasn't expectant (if that makes sence). So life moves on and we continue to wait, and I continue to try to do that patiently. :O)

Ho Hum...

[kune]

Oh Coffee-please
I feel for you ((hugs)) OK It may not happen today but.....there's always tomorrow, and the day after. When you put much energy and positive thoughts into your adoption plan, something has to follow so, as you said, be patient and believe in yourself.

To all the others out there in waiting mode....I'm sending you my best thoughts with crossed fingers and toes.
Have a good weekend

Ann

[loubielou]

Hey Kirsty
Been thinking of youout there waiting. I think personally I would rather not know. Too hard. I bet it's really been on your mind a lot. Hard to really put aside the thought of "the phonecall" when know there is a mum out there considering you.
As Kune says if not today there's always tomorrow.
And ....you are not alone.

[loubielou]

Welcome Merissa!
Think I saw your posts on another (US) thread. Glad you found us! Keep posting! I am always up for hearing about the reality of adoption. For me it is still a distant dream. Some days the whole adoption thing is really at the forefront of my thoughts, and other days it's not. As time goes by it feels less like a possibility and I am trying to get used to the reality of life without children. But I never give up hope. The fact that it happened for you helps to keep my hope alive. Would love to hear more from you.
Lou

[loubielou]

Oh and OPAN.... I checked out the website ages ago and sent them a cheque and heard nothing.... for months... then a phonecall from a guy who said he would send me some newsletters... which I have never received. He seemed nice enough, but I wont be giving them any more money I dont think.

[Richie68]

Hi Coffee_Please

I have had my fingers and toes crossed for you. Lots of hugs and warm fuzzies to you and your DH.

Will you be calling CYF and asking what happened (get DH to do it)? Sometimes it's the not knowing exactely what happened which is the hardest. Though the wonderful thing is at least you know your profile is working. Someone out there liked you! - and why wouldn't they

We got asked a few years back if we would consider a 2.5yr old for guardianship (we were one of four couples put forward). I made it very clear to the the Social Worker at the time that I did not want to know the outcome (I gave it two weeks and like you "closed that door"). I overheard at an adoption get together that the child had not been adopted out - then I heard, after we had adopted our son, that we had actually been chosen and the father had decided to raise the son. Hearing both those situations really helped and we didn't feel we were left with a big question hanging over us.

Thinking of you and Group Hug

richie68

[nzraven]

I have been so busy...haven't had time to even get on the site for a catch up!!!! Wow, what an amazing adoption story. We weren't able to find out about the night in Auckland in time, but I did have a wonderful chat to your s/w Loubielou, you are right she is so nice. It has taken ages, but our file has finally been transferred to Auckland, but to date over a month later we have still not been allocated a s/w. I am feeling a bit more positive though, we sent off our updated profile and a covering letter telling them how anxious we are to be allocated a s/w and get the ball rolling again. I am going to call them now to see if they have allocated anyone to us yet...fingers crossed...have a great weekend everyone!!!!

[nzraven]

WAHOO WAHOO WAHOO!!!!! We have another home interview this Thursday with our new social worker and then I hope finally this is it!
Not sure what happens after that, but our profile has been updated with our move to Auckland so I am hoping this will be the last.
Hope everyone else is doing well!!!!

[coffee_please]

Excellent news about the home interview nzraven. All the very best! Let us know how it goes.

We've just come back from holiday. I rang our s/w before we went to say we were going away, but I could only get her voice mail so I left a message. She didn't ring me back. I'm trying to get d/h to call her tomorrow to say that we are back (and I am hoping she might mention something about our recent close call to him. Something that might enlighten us as to what actually happened). If we manage to find anything out, I will let you know.

[coffee_please]

We've made a decision! We're going to put a time limit on the Adoption, and it's not that far away. We are giving the adoption until Christmas this year and if we don't hear anything by then, we will try 1 (possibly 2) cycles of IVF, starting during the Christmas break.

Those of you that know my history know how scary this is for me (us). We had a stillborn baby in 2000 and haven't been able to get pregnant since. I nearly died during delivery of our daughter and I have been reluctant to try (and therefore haven't tried) IVF to date, because it increases the chance of me having another stillborn (and the risk is already high at 50%).

We have decided not to tell anyone about this, so I need your help and support to get my head around this. I'm scarred and I want to know what I'm in for. My want for children is higher than my fear, so I'm going for it.

Please, let me know in really simple terms what's in store and I want real details about timeframes and pain etc.

Thanks Guys.

[patti Daniels]

I know how you feel. I am 45. I adopted 18 years ago. I have been a kinship foster parent for 90 days and the four children were returned to their mom. I have three sisters. My oldest sister had two children and two sets of twins (grandchildren boy and girl). My older sister had four children with one set of twins. (boys). My youngest sister had five children with one set of twins (boy and girl). My husband had two sisters. His older sister had one boy and twin girls. His youngest sister had two girls. My family did not understand adoption. When we talked to them about it they said, "You will never be able to adopt a baby. We adopted a baby girl. She is the most beautiful child. My mother loved her granddaughter. My dad loved her as much as he could love anyone. My father in-law and mother in-law adored her. My daughter's grandparents all died in 2001 except my dad and he died in 2004. After my dad died she wanted to find her biological family. She did find them at age 17 and has a great relationship with them. She has grandparents. They love her and she loves them. She is with them today and staying a few days. Take one day at a time. It does not matter about what your family thinks. They will love your baby. My family and in-laws made comments that they would forget she was adopted. Good luck.

Originally Posted by coffee_please

We are wanting to adopt and have been approved (so far) by CYF but we are still working on our profile. I need to talk to people who are going, have been, or will be going through this process. No one we know in the 'real world' seems really able to relate to us about this because they are not in the same boat. I want to talk to people about anything and everything to do with this - similar to our situation or not. I'm getting quite frustrated because there are no support groups for people like us - who are waiting and waiting always waiting - and the support groups that are out there (like Opan) only cater for those who have already adopted. I want to talk to people about the frustration of having people in my family who do not fully support our adoption decision (we haven't tried ALL fertility options yet - because we are completely happy with the choice we have made) but some just don't accept that. We also want to have contact with the birth family, and we are getting objections from our family about that too. We had a stillborn daughter in 2000, so I have had the pregnancy, and the birth and haven't been able to get pregnant since. I want to talk about the fact that I am sad sometimes, and that I get angry that things have to be sooooo difficult and that nothing ever seems to come easy. I think my mother blames me for not being able to have children, while my brother seems hell bent on populating NZ all on his own, with many different children to many different mothers spread from one end of the country to the other. Okay, it's not really as bad as all that, but on days like today, it feels like it, and I want to talk it out, and no I'm not premenstral, I'm just having a bad day for no reason. Please talk to me - anyone - and not just one comment and never talk again - lets make a real support network here and be there for each other.

[Richie68]

Hi Coffee_Please

My thoughts are with you. Big decision, only one that you can make yourselves. I would have done anything to have my son, and I'm so glad that he is a part of our life. He's perfect.

As you may remember I have done IVF twice myself. Don't listen to the horror stories - I can promise you that if we needed to I would happily go through it time and time again. The needles are not 1/4 as bad as they appear because where you jab them in is usually fatty and has no nerves. Let me know if you have any questions as I am fully up with that side of things.

Must go as I'm pretending to be working = he he he.

Richie68