[reneeof3]

We have a 7 month old baby, adopted 24 hours after birth and is very clingy - can't leave the room without him crying or whinning. I know this happens in biological children, but is it something I should be concerned about?

Thank you.

[Dr. Art]

Seven months is the beginning of stranger anxiety. Some clingy-ness can be normal. I'd just be sure to meet his/her needs consistently and to be holding the child as much as the child wants to help the child feel safe and secure. You cannot "spoil" an infant. There is no such thing as too much affection or holding at that age.

Best of luck

[reneeof3]

Dr. Art,

Thank you SO much for your response and reassurance. My husband and I do respond quickly to his needs, and we provide him with plenty of love and attention. I'm an extremely affectionate person, and have already taught my son to hug so we hug each other and he is generally a very happy baby as long as he's with one of us. My husband plays a very active role in his life and I think we're doing the best we know how. If he wakes up at night, we never let him "cry himself to sleep". We try and massage his back to help him get back to sleep, or if he's too restless, sometimes a warm bottle of milk helps.

Thanks again, for your help, and our pediatrician has said the same thing as you since his first well-baby check, "you cannot spoil a baby", so I'm just going to enjoy him wanting us so much now, because in a few years, he'll want to be with his friends instead!

[janeliz]

Our adopted daughter started the separation anxiety at about 8 months and didn't get over it until almost 19 months. So many times I questioned "pushing her" to stay in the church nursery, or have a babysitter, or whatever. Having an older adopted daughter with attachment disorder, we opted to "baby" the baby and let her take her time. So many people thought we were spoiling her, and it took some resolve to keep on doing what we were doing. About a month ago she decided to "play" in the nursery and that we could go, and she waved bye-bye to us. It was a real pain for awhile, but I am really glad that we let her set the agenda, and now she is separating on her own without trauma. We even have had a sitter twice with no crying at all.

Keep in mind you have an adopted child who may take longer or may be more needy. Take this opportunity to give them all they will take - you're right, whether they attach correctly or not, they will be more active and less "with you" in a few years.

Jane

[Jensboys]

I am the adoptive parent of two boys and the biological parent of two more. Here is my two cents as I have seen you post about this on a couple of threads.

I too had a very clingy 7 month old until around 20 months or so. I too could never leave him in nursery or with babysitters without paying for it for days after with a "velcro baby". I questioned my parenting, looked enviously at other moms who could attend a church service from beginning to end but overall enjoyed the extra cuddles. Then I parented a baby that couldnt care less wether I left him or not - he was happy to go to anyone, anywhere and thrilled to see me when I came back. Again I questioned my parenting, our attachment What was wrong with me this time. Separation anxiety hit with a vengence around 12 months but only for a couple of months. These two were my biological sons.

I think here for yourself there may be some claiming and entitlement issues going on. I know that I was SO educated regarding adoption issues that for the first couple of years I was sort of "hyper paranoid" to adoption related behaviors in my kids. ALOT of what I blamed initially on adoption reaction turned out to be just age appropriate behavior. Sometimes I think we adoptive parents focus so much on the "Adoptive" part of our title or that of our children that we forget that it is a facet of who they are - not entirely who they are. Labelling a 7month old as "attachment anxious" when in fact around 90% of ALL 7months old exhibit separation anxiety does your son a disservice. He is being completely NORMAL - and lol so are you ... guilt and paranoia are signs of a great mom

Dont get me wrong - I think its GREAT to be aware of the issues that might affect our kids but I also know that we need to let our kids be kids and put more trust in our ability to parent effectively. And please dont label your child unnecessarily. He's being a baby - babies prefer their moms to be close by.