[nalcomer]

Four years ago we adopted a boy. He had attachment disorder and the SW thought he may be RAD. He was almost 5 when he came to live with us permanently. I checked online resources at that time and even posted some questions, but everyone said "DON'T DO IT!" We wanted to do it, though, for one reason was that my husband was adopted at the age of 6 and he's turned out great and is thankful to have grown up in a great family. The other reason we did it was that we just fell in love with Joseph. We were also told that he was a "neat" kid and had possibilities. It's been a long, hard road over the past 4 years, but I can gladly say that Joseph is doing very well now. It's as if a light switch has been turned on in him just in the past 3 months. He hugs us without prompting. He cuddles with us while watching TV. He even reached for an held my husband's hand the other day. Joseph is still very independent and he has ADHD, so there are issues there, but he is doing very well.
Just after he came here, we visited a psychiatrist until the adoption was finalized (almost 2 years). I talked to the doctor about holding therapy and he felt it wouldn't hurt and might help, so I bought the book and did it. I don't know how much it helped Joseph to bond with me, but I can tell you this: it helped me to bond with him. Here was a wild child that was just as lost in our family as he could be and he was hurting. I could just hold him and hold him and hold him--no, he didn't like it, but he tolerated it. It's been a long time since we've done holding therapy, but I still say it made a difference. Also, we have a fantastic family support and were able to get relief from time to time in the way of babysitting. We also have a daughter who is only 17 months older than Joseph. She wanted a little brother, but having to share her parents with him was also an adjustment for her. Now she's 10 and he's 9 and they are just like any brother and sister. They play, they fight, they share, they argue.
Just know that it takes time. There are no quick fixes. I used to ask the psychiatrist and the social workers when would things get better. What I really wanted to know was when would Joseph love us; when would he depend on us; when would he KNOW that we would feed him and take care of him; when would things be normal? It just takes time I was told. Yes. It takes time. It's been 4 years! Time is what it takes. Time and patience and faith and support.
So often on these boards its all about the bad part--the negative part. Here's a good one. Of course, I don't know how things will be over the coming years. I don't know if he will go wild as he hits teen years, but none of us know that about any of our kids, so we can't worry.

[Dr. Art]

With proper parenting and treatment, most children with trauma-attachment problems do heal and can quite well. A good book to read that describes this story and how such children heal is
Building the Bonds of Attachment by Daniel Hughes

[JoanneFromNYC]

Thank for sharing your story nalcomer!!

[Dr. Art]

If you want other books or links or success stories, I've got some very helpful links on my website and a number of reassuring success stories you might want to look at.