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Originally Posted By Em

My husband and I are considering adoption from South Africa. RAD is really a concern to me, is there anyone that can advise us as to what to watch for in a child with RAD. The children we are considering are 18 month old twins. They have been in two different orphanages.
An aquaintance has offered to visit them for us.

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Originally Posted By Reba

My 5 year old son has RAD, when he first came to us he was very violent and didn't want anyone around, we see a doctor for his condition monthly and I have to say after following the doctors recommendations and a lot of love and patience my son is a different child today. He is very much a mommys boy and I wouldn't trade him for anything! An adopted child is a gift from god, take the children and worry about the problems when they come not before they are there! The theraphy can be alot, but saving one child is worth the heartache it takes to get there. I will only take children with RAD, once you experience it and you see the change before your eyes you will want to help more children! Love is the answer to all things. My doctor and I DO NOT believe in re-birthing! There are other techniques that work! To anyone considering adopting children follow your heart, no one else would take my son when he needed someone to stand up for him, my husband and I stepped up to the plate and have never regretted a moment, if you find out the twins have RAD ask this question to yourself, If I don't stand up for this child and take him/her, what will happen to them? Answer: Grow up in an institution, uncaring/no love/ no home, and may turn out to be the next Ted Bundy or Jeffrey Domier (they both had RAD and never received the help they needed) Good News: Helen Keller received the help she needed.

[rawhide]

I agree with the above response. I have seen children that were unable to attach because every time they were touched, they were hurt -- physically and/or mentally. It is the only world they understand. Even if these children never had anyone to take the time to show them that love and comfort is there in a healthy way, I feel like a child can trust again, love again, and cuddle. I have even seen adults who were unable to trust and love, be able to do all of these things. Children are by nature more trusting and able to break down the barriers given the right situation. I say "go for it" these little twins need you!!

[janeliz]

I think it is a great idea for you to look ahead and think about these things and research them before adopting. I have a 5 year old just diagnosed with RAD and I was shocked because we got her right from the hospital and she has had a very stable and loving home with just me as a main caregiver. So RAD can happen to virtually any adopted child - remember that the in utero and birth experience are important too.

That being said, some kids bond better than others. Some with horrible pasts respond great to love and parents who try hard with them. Others reject love and are much more difficult to reach.

A few things to look for:
The obvious things that anyone would see would be horrible behavior, rejecting touch, tantrums, eating problems, sleeping problems, etc.
The wise parent looks for the other side of the coin, the child who is so afraid of being abandoned or rejected again that they comply with everything as much as possible:
- excessive compliance
- clinginess, whininess (excessive)
- lack of eye contact
- inability to relax in your arms

One thing when you get your babies would be to hold them A LOT. Try to hold them until they mold themselves to you (this may not be practical with 18 month olds, don't know.) Try to hold them sometimes like a baby in a rocking chair, with constant eye contact. Even if they don't look at you, you look at them and it will increase more and more how much they look at you. Eye contact is always communication and it is powerful.

Good luck, and a few things to read -
Sherrie Eldridge's 20 Things Adopted Kids want their Adoptive Parents to Know
Verrier's The Primal Wound

Jane