[schip4650]

I received a 3 week old child. I bonded with her until she was 2 months old. Then GP's got custody.
Is she going to have a bonding issue with the GP's?
I had a bond with her and I have a problem of letting go. This was my first foster child and it took 3 years to finally get a child. This is very hard. Is this going to get easier. I am signed up for foster/adopt.

[takingtheplunge]

OMG. I am so sorry to hear this. I don't have experience except to say she will bond. People get kids from Russia and they bond usually if they are taken by 2.

Why do you think it took 3 years for a placement? Are you with an agency or county? I haven't heard of this. You must be so discouraged. Are the GP's close? Perhaps you can arrange for a visit.

[HappyTwinsMom]

I've always heard that if a child bonds with someone, they will be able to bond with someone else. My understanding is that the inability to bond occurs when there isn't a close caregiver (or caregivers) when the baby is young. For example, children in orphanages where there aren't enough staff to allow for a lot of physical contact.

I did a mission trip to Calcutta before I was married and bonding was one of things that was mentioned in the orphanage we worked in. There were dozens of babies lined up in rows of cribs and, basically, they were just left there except for feeding and changing. So incredibly sad.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. One of my worries when my husband and I were thinking about foster care was whether I would have the strength to give up a child I'd cared for.

[Teacher8]

I am so sorry for your loss. All I can offer as advice is let yourself grieve. It's okay to mourn the loss of the child. I mourned the loss of my first foster baby for months. In fact, I still think of both of my former long term placements every day.
My DH and I are in the same boat of possibly losing our infant FD to relatives. We have had her for 4 of her 5 months of life. We desperately want to say to the judge, "But we're all she knows...she thinks we're mommy and daddy. She cries when I leave the room and stops crying and smiles when I come back." However, I do feel that, given time, if she is moved to her relative, she will bond with them too. I feel for your loss and send positive blessings your way that now that you've had a placement another placement will shortly follow.

[Suzeb1]

Your heart must be breaking. I can hear how much you love her and how much you hope she will be okay!

I adopted my daughter when she was 6 months old. Her foster mom (in Guatemala) was wonderful and loved her and gave her such an amazing start to her life. My dd had no trouble bonding with me and is a securely attached 6 year old today. Your little girl will do very well...because of the sacrifice of love you made.

Susan

[carol7906]

Schip, I know this is so hard for you and I hope you are getting a lot of support as you journey through your grief. Because you bonded with and took such wonderful care of the little baby girl, she will be better able to bond with her GPs. She will have some level of grief over losing you but if they are able to help her through that, she will be better equipped to have a healthy relationship with them and others because of you. I hope that gives you some comfort as you go through this hard time. Keep us posted as to how you're doing!

[schip4650]

Thank you everyone for the love and support.
I am ready to move on and ready for the next infant that comes my way. I will always remember my first foster child with pictures.