[DannieAS]

there is so much info. out there on everything, just wanted some suggestions on attachment parenting either reading or what people have done after placement.

I'm going to a full disclosure for a 5 y/o. I know she is doing "well" however, I'd be naive enough to think that there won't be any attachment difficulties early on.

I'm asking about counseling when I go, but if you adopted an older child 5 and up did you immediately go to counseling? was it necessary in some cases and not in others?

Just want to prepare myself as best I can...I owe any child that!

[joskimo]

I"m so not an expert on anything related to this, but we are matched w/ a 7 y.o. with PTSD and ODD, this is the book his case worker recommended: "Building the Bonds of Attachment: Awakening Love in Deeply Troubled Children". I just ordered it on Amazon.

I've also read on these boards (somewhere) recommendations for "Adopting the Hurt Child" and "Parenting the Hurt Child". I got the Parenting one from our library but haven't started it yet.

[slightx]

We have 2 with RAD, DS is 7 and DD is 5. No psych evals prior to adoption 2 years ago to indicate attachment issues, but we were prepared to deal with the potential.

You might be pleasantly surprised. If there's no competition for attention in your home, they may do quite well. On a sobering note, you should know that a normal lasting bonded relationship is probably not going to happen and it's not your fault or their fault.

My advice would be to address the behaviors as they arise rather than jump into therapy and attachment treatment. Do the research so you'll be able to know how the behaviors relate to attachment and how you should react.

[Biblemom]

Nancy Thomas and Gregory Keck have several books worth reading.
Be sure you research Attachment Therapists in your area. They are worth the extra drive and/or money. Many mainstream therapists will say they have been 'trained', but I don't put much stock in that. We are lucky enough to have an Attachment therapist in our area and can't believe the difference it has made in our children.

[kretzklan]

A book I love is "dandelion on my pillow, butcher knife beneath". It's not a training manual at all...but a true story and has a lot of ways of dealing with RAD children. Most traditional parenting approaches do way more harm than good in a RAD child. Our biggest mistake was not attachment parenting from day one. It can't hurt (even with a mainstream child)...but it can hurt a RAD kid if you don't. After diagnosis, we probably spent 6 months just fixing what we had screwed up...and we are quite structured and strict by nature. Our attachment therapist has been a life line for me...someone who REALLY knows and tells you how to work through things is so important and general talk therapists are NOT prepared to deal with what RAD really is.

[slightx]

My wife leaves tomorrow for a weeklong training with Nancy Thomas in Colorado to become a certified instructor in Advanced Parenting for Challenging Children. She's been volunteering at Nancy's camps for a few years.

Agree, an attachment therapist is a must, traditional therapy is a waste of time. The warm and fuzzy approach just doesn't work. The point I was trying to make...and not well...is these kids come with a lot of issues, not just RAD. Sometimes the RAD behaviors become secondary, like when your 7 y.o. DS is stealing, lying, ambushing smaller kids, trying to beat the dogs, etc. He has a new dx of moderate/severe conduct disorder, so trying to get help for a kid with no conscience and no empathy takes priority over some of the other stuff.

[DannieAS]

Thank you for your comments. We did hit a glitch with this match that I had so am not even sure if this will be the one or not, however, I think these comments are valid especially since I'm not necessarily going for an infant.

I do AGREE that I need an attachment therapist and not settle should my future child and I need therapy. In my own life, I had to seek out therapy and it wasn't until I went to one that was a trauma specialist that I was able to heal...so I do know that just because someone is a therapist it doesn't mean it's the right therapist or has the right training/practice methods for attachment.

I just ordered a few books on amazon, so I will be reading up shortly.

[greenmama]

"Building the Bonds of Attachment" by Daniel Hughes