[stuckinlodimom]

This is the first time I have ever joined in on anything like this but I need someone who will understand what we're going through. We have an adopted 15 year old daughter who we have had since birth. She was always strong willed and was diagnosed as ADHD at 8 yr old. Things got progressively worse over the next 5 years. The summer before high school she started getting heavily involved in drugs & alcohol. In Oct 2007 we sent her to a school in Utah for help. She came home a couple months ago after being there for 16 months. She actually graduated from the program and we were so proud. They diagnosed her there with RAD and we have read everything we could get our hands on and done everything all the therapists said but find out now the basically cheated the system and did whatever she had to do to get out of there. She had been home a little over 2 months and is right back where she was before or even worse. Dealing with a teenager with RAD is very different that dealing with an infant or toddler. She is rude, disrespectful and using consequences doesn't work. We are pretty much waiting for her to get picked up by the police but know that they will only bring her right back home which she has made very clear is the last place she wants to be. God help us - we love her but just don't know what to do.

[wordsmither]

You may want to post this on the Special Needs adoption forum - they'll totally understand your situation and give you lots of helpful advice!

[swiftde]

read beyond consequences, logic and control. there are 2 books, the first one is much better than the second, but the second builds on what the first said. They have a website too. beyondconsequences.com

[char993]

I am in the same position adopted daughter at age 4 she is 15 and in a group and social service (who we adopted through)who we turned to for help for the RAD is treating as a teenager with teen issues believing all the stories she says and put her in a group home stating she is not save at our home with us(we have a 13 yr old adopted boy at 2 and he does fine) we have been doing family and one on one theraphy with her and she is hating the group home so is playing us that after 9 months of loving it there now wants to come home but then post on my space she is chillin at group home with mamma and daddy loves them and loves it there and everyone thinks its ok. We love her dearly and have tried for 10 years to show her for her to only lash out at us and accuse us of things. She has not wanted anything to do with her brother but if it bothers us then she loves and misses him we say write him a letter or call and there is always an excuse. We also read everything on RAD and I don't think anything will help her she knows how to play everyone to get what she wants we are at our ends. Love and care for her but tired of all the acusations.

[jeffw]

Unfortunately by age 15 you can't help them unless they want to be helped. You can try to convince them that change is worthwhile but it is very hard because a RAD kid doesn't/can't trust you. Mostly all you can do is try to make it easier to get through it. "When Love Is Not Enough" by Nancy Thomas has some good ideas for structuring your life to make it survivable with sanity intact.