[z9klrizo]

My husband and I are thinking of adopting a 2-3 year old from foster care. We are only in the very preliminary stages right now. In researching it, I am learning more and more about RAD and am getting quite alarmed at what I read. Is RAD common in children in the age range we are seeking? How can we avoid this during placement? Is it even possible?

[kretzklan]

RAD is such a case specific thing - although there are "warning" signs that you could look for. But, not every child with the signs will have RAD and many children suffer from a lesser degree of attachment disorder, not full blown RAD. Yes, there can be 2/3 year olds that suffer from attachment difficulties - it's so personal.
If you are reading and preparing yourself, you'll be able to see signs and practice attachment parenting from day 1. Talk to your case worker about your concerns as well.

[Lorraine123]

Many people will disagree with me, but I believe RAD is quite common. The ability to attach is developed the first 2 or 3 years of life. So, if the child had breaks in attachment during that time, the likelihood of RAD is there. I believe that all children from orphanages or foster care will have some degree of attachment problems. I hear parents say that their child attached to them right away. No, they didn't. Attachment takes time. The appearance of attaching right away shows signs of attachment problems. So, how can you avoid this? Look at the history of the child. Was there neglect? Were there lots of moves? Did the child have multiple caregivers? I'm not convinced you can tell by short term interaction with the child. I also don't think you can get an accurate picture by talking with CW or foster parents. RAD rears its ugly head once the child is living in a family environment. A child at ages 2 or 3 can heal with therapy and attachment parenting. Its hard. That being said, if I ever adopted again, I would adopt a child with RAD. It will change your life. But it can be done.

[crick]

I believe all kids in foster care will have some degree of attachment work needed, but I don't believe RAD is all that common at this age. Meaning, I see RAD at the end of a big spectrum of attachment levels and feel that it's less common to reach that end level. Possible? Of course. I also believe that if attachment and bonding parenting isn't done from the beginning, then a more severe attachment disorder and RAD can become more likely.

I do agree with the signs to look for and I also feel no matter what age your child is, you begin attachment type parenting asap. I don't necessarily agree that an attachment therapist is a must unless there are signs pointing to more severe attachment issues. (the history/background of the child really matters in this decision though)

I will tell you though that some of the hardest bonding work I did was with my youngest son who just turned 2 when the kids moved in. From the beginning, he was a very sad little boy, a big loner, didn't talk, etc. I knew he would need a lot of babying, cuddling and other types of bonding and nurturing techniques/parenting. I thought he'd be the easy one before they came to live with us and had been more prepared to work on the 5 & 4 year old. I learned though that all 4 of my kids had some degree of attachment bonding etc. I needed to do with them individually.

Hope that helps a bit, and just know as with anything, there are no two stories a like really! Every kid is so different and their backgrounds are full of missing pieces. So at times, it's really a big leap of faith and off you go.

[Sheriv]

I think it is especially helpful to fully understand that attachment issues are very common in adoptive and foster children over the age of 2 years old. RAD is at the far end of the spectrum, but all children in this arena have experienced some sort of trauma otherwise they wouldn't be available for adoption or fostercare.

I think that the more informed you are about Attachment Disorder and the attachment and bonding process the better prepared you will be for whatever you face. It is only when you put on blinders and don't prepare yourself with information that you get in over your head. Even with preparation the broad spectrum of the disorder and the potential parents ability to handle things are still individual.

Hope this helps.

Sheri

[Rhubarb]

RAD, or indeed any attachment issues, sound awful to read about, and were on the short list of conditions/disabilities that I thought I would never be able to handle. Well, as fate would have it, I fell totally in love with my foster daughter (soon to be adopted) before I realized the truth of what the above posters have said. The fact that they are in foster care almost guarantees that these kids have attachment stuff. If they had a healthy attachment to their birth family, being removed from home and sent to live with strangers is an incredible trauma. Add to that all the reasons they were removed, neglect, abuse, etc. and it is amazing these kids have any attachment or even sanity at all. Of course my LittleGirl has attachment issues - how could she not? But that is not who she is - LittleGirl is smart, funny, musical, graceful, artistic, and beautiful. RAD symptoms in her are an overlay, a part of her right now, but I hope this stage might pass. Like caring for a kid with stomach flu, I can hate the symptoms, be tired of cleaning up the puke, be exhausted, unappreciated and still love the kid. No, I am not equating RAD to the flu. But the analogy works for me - you can hate the symptoms, and still love the child.

[momraine]

I also was one who had RAD on my NO WAY list. However, I ended up dealing with it. So I learned that I am way stronger than I thought I was. Also my son is healing, so RAD is not the end of the world.

[Larue]

This thread caught my attention. I agree that children of all ages can experience some degree of attachment issues. We adopted our daughter from Guatemala. I took custody and started fostering her in Guatemala when she was 12 months old, and she came home at only 14 months old. But she still struggled with attachment. Especially with me. She had been with her foster mother since she was a newborn. We read up on attachment, and practiced attachment parenting techniques, like carrying her around in a carrier and co-sleeping and co-bathing. We also kept her world very small in the beginning. She needed time to learn to trust us, and realize that we weren't going anywhere. And with a lot of love and patience, we have developed a very healthy bond. I highly recommend a book called "Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft".

We also hope to adopt a child under 3 from foster care. Best wishes in your journey!

[ScrapMonkey]

As a foster parent, attachment issues with the toddlers we get is common but attachment issues does not always mean RAD. Things look and feel like RAD but are not always so. My AS is 5 and has a RAD diagnosis, he still cycles but is MOSTLY a great kid and a joy to be around. My 3yo FS has what we would SWEAR was RAD, turns out not to be, but he has another diagnose attachment issue.

What I did not know is that RAD is equally as common when you adopt internationally because the children have often been in orphanages or other institutions. I always felt kind of "less than" for having to parent so differently... until I learned how common it really is for children not placed with you in early infancy. Even then there are no guarantees!!

We always said we could not do RAD. But when you meet and fall in love with a child in spite of the challenges, you measure the good days against the bad and you know there is more to the child than his diagnosis.

[lifeinashoe]

My daughter came to me at 3 months of age, seemingly a healthy and perfect baby. She is now 4 and has MAJOR issues. She has been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder because of her early experiences. Like the others wrote, we love our children so much that we learn to deal with their issues.
So educate yourself before you get into it. I cannot stress that enough! All children who are separated from their first mother have had trauma so it is best not to stick your head in the sand. The book "The Connected Child" has a lot of great information and is my currant favorite although for children with severe RAD you would need to be an even more intense parent then this book talks about.

[ladyjubilee]

I don't actually believe that RAD is common in foster kids. The comment was made that it has to be common because otherwise the kids wouldn't be in foster care...that's just not true. I've had 4 placements---and am being considered for 2 more (kids I know)...a total of 8 kids in foster care. I also know through respite another child and her 2 siblings....and three adults adopted from foster care....two teens now adopted after long stints in fostercare...plus I know about 8 other kids through their foster/adopt parents. Of that group 2 (the girls I had to disrupt the placement with) were RAD and 1 of the now adults is probably RAD.

I don't know about the home life of most of the kids, I know the girls lived with out and out torture (the kind of stuff terrorists use) and the now adult similar....but my first placement and current placement were/are loved by and attached to their parents. The same is true for the two that are (hopefully) coming to me. The parents just had/have big problems that make parenting very difficult (if not impossible).

The thing is....RAD is popular in the foster/adoption community. And for some kids its an accurate diagnosis. But it's also like going to an autism meeting---suddenly every kid in the room is autistic! RAD comes from pretty intense and severe treatment--not every child in or from foster care has that kind of severity in their history.

Personally, I think that if you want to get an idea of what "foster kids" are like, get involved with other foster parents in the real world. Our agency does monthly trainings and tries to do a family activity each quarter. Do respite, see how the kids actually behave (though if it is a child with RAD be aware you'll have Pollyanna while Carrie hides in the closet). There are some absolutely FANTASTIC WONDERFUL kids who just happen to be in fostercare.....in fact, I argue the most common feature of foster kids isn't RAD but what great kids, normal kids they are.

[lifeinashoe]

No, they do not all have true RAD. But after having 60+ placements and another 50-60 respite children, I must still say the vast majority have difficult issues and behaviors. Like I wrote earlier, my daughter has severe PTSD and she was only 3 months at placement. My one son has severe ADHD and the other has ADD. Almost all children who are in or who have been in foster care have neurological differences, varying symptoms and degrees of PTSD and RAD and learning delays and disabilities. When a child is stressed, his brain cannot process information and education properly and often there is damage from drugs and alcohol or simply too high levels of cortisol in response to stress.
I am not saying this to be negative. It just goes to show how much these precious little ones need you.