[ButterflyBlue77]

I have friends, who are looking into kinship adoption of a sibling group of three. Now, I've been looking into foster care adoption for some time, but it was just sprung on them. They are extremely excited, but something in her last email to me sent off a little warning bell:

The oldest girl, around 6 years old, I think, started calling them "mommy and daddy" the first afternoon they met. They didn't ask her to or tell her to. They are taking this as a good sign. I am wondering if it signals an attachment problem.

I don't know, though, what the girl had been told by her foster mother, or anyone else involved in the case. I don't know much about her at all, except her age.

Is this kind thing necessarily a sign of RAD, or can it be a lesser attachment problem?

Can anyone recommend websites I can tactfully point them to?

Thanks!

[momraine]

It could be, though that alone is not enough information. I would point them to looking at resources for older child adoption. Most of them would cover attachment. Mention that your training and reading shows that it's hard for kids to change homes and parents and so it would help them to read some books. Hmm, good Christmas gift!

[ButterflyBlue77]

Thanks for the reply. Sorry I took so long to get back - I was on vacation to see family w/ no internet.

I have read "Adopting the Older Child" by Claudia Jewett. What are some other good books?

[sincerely]

Our little girl did this, the day she came, said we were her new mommy & daddy and she was never leaving. We had no idea what the situation was and how long she might be with us (now going on 3 yrs). We've since had her evaluated and she's been dx with RAD.

there's a lot of info on RAd out there and it is more of a spectrum thing than a cut and dry thing. There are books that have helped me on attachement & adoption - and from what I've read, attachment should be a concern in any adoption and something you should read about.

The other end of RAd is a child that doesn't engage with ppl at all and I would think that might be harder to deal with.
Thing is, I don't think it's something that should be like "oh no, I think there's going to be some issues", it's not like that. Your friends want to be parents and are excited about it and the kids need parents and obviously are excited about that too. These are kids that got their baggage early, and your friends and these kids will now be on a journey together. They will have rough spots of learning and growing together, but it will be so rewarding and worth it in every way.
I agree w/ another poster, maybe a book on attachment & adoption and maybe some parenting cd's or something. For us, it's been more about learning creative methods of behavior modification.

Overall, be positive and encouraging with your friends, they are on a rewarding and challenging journey! And about to experience a blessing and joy beyond their imagination.