[LeighM]

I am really not sure if this is the right place to post or not but I need help.

I am the mother to an adopted daughter S who is 6 years old. She has been with our family since she came home from the hospital. She was foster child for the first two years and then we adopted.

A little background S was exposed to drugs and alcohol while in the womb. Also birthmom was physically abused during that time by bd. Birth mom did not have prenatal care until the last trimester and that is only because bd wanted to know what the gender of the baby was. His words – he has no use for a girl.

During the first two years she had visits with her bp. Bd had visits with S but mainly because in order to have visits with her brother she would come. The transporter that dealt with the children was a man who use to call S an “it”. S would usually scream during bd visits. birthmom on the other had visits were ok until she got a little older. The last visit she had with both bp she screamed for 2 hours until she finally feel asleep (she was 20 months at the time). I was outside the whole time but wasn’t allowed to go in and help.

Fast forward to the last couple of years. My daughter behavior is really getting the best of me. She was diagnosed with ADHD and is currently taking meds which helps with school. She still has problems at school but they are minor. And she is a very bright child. But here is what I am fighting at home. She is defiant regarding almost every issue at home. We have had to put locks on all bedroom doors in order to keep her out. But she has now learned how to break in even with the locks. She gets extremely upset and mean if I give another child any attention. For example telling one of her friends her hair looks cute. Every night is a battle at bedtime – we do give her melatonin which will usually calm her down in an hour to try and get her to sleep. But she is up in a couple hours – for the most part she comes into my room and falls back asleep. By midweek she is so tired she is even harder to deal with. The Dr did try and give her a prescription to help her sleep but all that did was increasing her appetite.

Her behavior is really wearing me down. And I dread going home at night and dealing with her behavior. For the most part my husband just ignores it. I don’t know if I am dealing with attachment issues, mental health issues or problems due to her exposé.

I know a woman who does attachment and bonding therapy that I have thought about calling. We also have an appointment in February with a Developmental Pediatrician.

I guess I just don’t know where to turn. My friends and family just don’t get it. So any thoughts from you would be greatly appreciated.

[lucyjoy]

I would suggest you contact the woman who does attachment and bonding therapy as they often also are use to dealing with drug exposed children and children with other mental health issues and she may be able to help you seperate the behaviors as to what may be which.

If she is waking up but will go back to sleep in your room, is it possible that she is having nightmares or is afraid to be alone?

Not sleeping enough also will cause people to behave as if they are crazy so solving that issue may help with some of the other things.

[kretzklan]

I'm sorry - I know how frustrating and thoroughly exhausting it can be to deal with a child who is acting out (especially when no one else seems to understand). I'm not sure what your DD's real issue is either - but I do think I'd contact the attachment therapist and let her get involved. That was a godsend for us (not that it's working miracles with my kids...but he is immensely helping me learn how to deal with them). I hope you can work out the sleep issues also - it sounds like you are on top of it!!! Could it be her ADHD meds? I know kids that have the side effect of sleeplessness...

[o2b30again]

I think I answered under you other post but I would search Fetal Alcohol and see if your daughter matches these symptoms.

[kayder1996]

As a teacher, I would echo the sleep thing. If she is not sleeping well, that could trigger behavior problems. And not sleeping could be just a symptom of a neurological (like the brain not allowing REM sleep) or emotional (like nightmares) problem. Fetal Alcohol Effect or Syndrome also can manifest itself in many of the behaviors you have described as can attachment issues. I would investigate the sleep loss, drug exposed, and attachment things.