[DianeS]

That looks just as bad in print as I thought it would, but it helps to say it.

I'm talking about the child I'm working with as a respite provider and informal "big sister". She has RAD. I have her twice a month for 3-6 hours. This weekend was our 5th visit, and I already don't like her!

I have a working knowledge of RAD and what it entails, and I voluteered to do this because the girl's parents needed a break so badly. But I was hoping for a little longer of a "honeymoon"!

She's already being bratty to me, and charming strangers, and chattering nonsense, and triangulating to put me in a bad position.

The latest dustup was over a drink of water. She left her water in the car. Then she put me in a position where I couldn't leave her to go get her water bottle, but she wouldn't cooperate until she got her water. (And I certainly wouldn't trust her with my car keys to get it herself!) And then she told everyone I'd refused to let her drink anything the whole time.

I KNOW that this issue is little. Mostly because all the adults involved know not to believe her. Our jaws ache from smiling and saying "oh, really? And what did you do to create that situation?"

I can't even imagine spending a whole day with her, let alone living with a child like her.

*Sigh* But I'll grit my teeth and see her again next weekend. I'm committed for a while longer, although I can quit if she hits me. I think I'll have to add "or until she lies about me to a stranger" to that list, as I have no wish to have an allegation made against me in the hearing of anyone who might believe her.

I feel better for having written that out. Thanks for reading.

[lucyjoy]

Well, I'm sure her poor parents appreciate the break anyway.

Some people work very hard to be unlikable and are very good at it.

Remind yourself when she's driving you nuts that you get to send her back to her parents in a few hours. Maybe that will help!

[momraine]

I agree with Lucy. Her parents are probably thrilled with the break. In some strange way it's probably a slight releif to them that she acts upnwith you. Nothing is more frustrating than hearing people tell you how sweet your child is when you know it's an act. Is there any way to only plan activities where she is not around anyone who might beleive her?

[dmg53]

Bless your heart. I wish you lived close to me. Not really. Actually I have a son I feel the same way about. I had to pray daily that I could love him with God's love because I surely couldn't do it on my own. Now after 11 years of dealing with it he is currently residing in a residential treatment center. Maybe if we had a break we could have kept him home longer I just don't know. I love the people who take care of him now and they are very quick to remind me that they don't have to deal with him 24/7 like we did. You are doing a great work keep it up! As parents who have taken these kids in to love I appreciate what you are doing. It takes a really special person to handle these kids. Don't feel a bit guilty about how you are feeling. You are choosing to do the right thing by her parents and that is really GREAT!!!!!
dmg53

[mommytoEli]

wow...sounds like you are respiting my daughter from a few years back. everything you are saying was my 24/7. things are so much better now, so there is hope for her. but all i have to say is on behalf of the people parenting the child you are helping, THANK YOU. there were days that i didn't like my daughter very much either, and i had to call people and ask them to come pick her up for a few hours. i never cared what they did with her, i didn't care if they took her on a shopping spree and out for a sundae even though she had just been super awful, because the 2 or so hours by myself was desperately needed to maintain my own sanity. i don't know that i could have continued to parent her without support. i think i would have given up, and given her back...and she would have never had a chance to heal as much as she has. what you are doing, may very well be preserving her placement, which may very well be giving her a chance at a more normal future. it is hard....and sometimes...or lots of times, you may not like it, but please know that what you are doing is a fabulous service to more than one person. good for you.