[dadfor2]

I just cannot imagine parenting a child with such behavior problems, I was drained just reading.

I understand you are drained by reading, but we are parenting a child with these behaviors. I think the majority of folks who have posted here, are parenting children like 'lucas'. there are rescources out there to help the family, but you have to go get them. testing is just that, testing. It doesnt help, may give you a baseline, but that doesnt change the behavior.

you can actually look at old posts from alot of these parents and understand the daily struggles that we face. Some parents here actually have faced more horrific stories then what 'harry' has posted.

the difference is, that we have not given up on our children, we have not just written them off. The child is only 11, the child still can get some help.

For me, It was hard to read the blog because i am now on the other side of a 'damaged child'. HE was very hard, but i have full faith that children can heal. We needed alot of support, we couldnt do it ourselves. We had to accept that.

my kids have a long long way to go. I have two 'Lucas's, but we have come very far also.

from what harry wrote, he and his wife have basically written off lucas and just waiting for him to leave the house. maybe i read it wrong, but thats what i got. He has already plotted out this childs future, and as with any child, he will reach the expectation we place on him.

my 10 yr old cannot read. Do i just accept this? If your child has an issue, any issue, do you just accept it or do you really look at different things to help him. alot of folks on here have done second opinions/ third opinions, even fouth opinions to find out how to help their child.

I just wonder where Harry went.

maybe its me, I know when i first posted a few years ago (cant believe its been that long) I checked my post over and over to see if anyone had answered. I was at my wits end and i needed some ideas on what was wrong with my kids.

i guess thats why i wonder about this whole post and blog. just kinda seemed odd to me

[MassachusettsMom]

Sorry, I gotta ask... is "Harry" for real?

[dadfor2]

i dont think so

[Kansas Girl]

Sad enough if this person has indeed written this child off. Even more sad, if this whole initial post and blog are a hoax......definitely not a subject to make light of , toy with people's feelings about, or anything like that.

Fran

[KarynB]

Hey all,

Just wanted to say the OP came back and explained his position to us further - but it was one of the posts (along with a few others) that got erased while the forums were down.

It's too bad, because there was some really good advice shared!

karyn

[KarynB]

Hi Harry,

I was just catching up on your blog and wanted to ask a few questions and make a few comments. First, I'm really glad to hear you've found a therapists that might work for you guys, we went through a few too before we found one that "clicked".

But, I have to say, some of the stuff you are describing or "offering as proof" that your son is a psychopath seems to me very obviously related to trauma and attachment. I see much of my son (or what used to be my son) in alot of what you are saying. And, I have to say, I disagree - kids CAN be taught how to feel emotions again. The first two years my son was home, anything "nice" he did was just going through the motions - he didn't know anything but how to take care of himself first. After consistent praise and endless positive feedback, he learnt this "feels good" and did it more on his own. And even if they never feel emotions the way an untraumatized person does, they can learn coping skills and how to function in society.

And I think it is really unfair to ask a kid who obviously has no concept of emotions or has not processed any of grief/anger about what "hurts more" - losing his family or missing dessert. Of course he has no idea what hurts more, he has shut down all his emotions so nothing 'hurts more'. It's like asking a person who has no feeling in his legs what hurts more - a pin prick or a car running over your foot. He has told himself a long time ago that nothing hurts, it's all ok...he has lied to himself over and over again just to survive. Now he has to learn new skills, and that takes time.

And the emotion of anger stems from fear. Maybe this would be helpful to think of when your son is angry? One technique we learnt is that when you are angry with him, ready to give up, frustrated, etc - try to picture him as a little boy of two or so being neglected, abused, abandoned - it really helps to go back to why he is doing what he is, and to keep compassion in your parenting.

[melissa_bear003]

I got to the entry about him standing in the corner for 4 hrs straight, and being in his room for days, and had to close it.

[thelowlanders]

This sounds all too familiar to our FD's ability to Acclimate to any training we try. But.... by just the info from your blog, honestly, this seems workable. The right therapist, parental support w/ as much love as you can find in your heart for him, your non judgemental listening as he tells you his sexual type exploration, and perhaps teaching him better ways to deal w/anger. This IS possible. It really seems like you could raise a fine man. He's just dealing w/ alot of feelings, frustration, and perhaps psychological difficulties. You'll get it.... Just don't do proposed timelines. Don't say negative over your child's future.

Love him, love him, love him. You may not always like him, but love him. Express great joy over ANY form of responsible action. I nearly went crazy from my parent's overly sheltering way of parenting. And when they labeled me wrongly, at times I thought "I'm not "xyz" but if you wanna see that, I'll show you "xyz" or whatever label they tried to put on me.

Take care and please continue to come here for info and support. There's alot of well seasoned parents here. You may get flamed at times, but they all have alot to offer.

[maak]

This is a very sad blog. I have a hard time understanding why a parent of an adopted child would discuss the child's personal birth history in such detail with thousands of people or more to read. How does he know so many details?
Yes I know we discuss our kids here but the details of their story is the childs not ours.
Also why would a parent title their blog psychopath and discuss the childs sexual behavior in such detail.
I suspect this is just fantasy
which is sad as many parents struggle daily to love and support damaged kids.
This is the first and only post of this person and I think he is just luring us to his site.