[MassachusettsMom]

We've just learned that our pre-adoptive foster toddler is going to be reunified with his bparents. We've had him 8 months and had a truly magical transition from his previous foster home to ours -- mostly due to our spending 24/7 in the home with the foster mom and very deliberately transferring attachments, schedules, toys, etc. Plus he was still a baby.

We understand that there is unlikely to be such a deliberate transition when he is reunified. (He's being reunified over the objections of DSS, who feel that it is still unsafe -- but a judge ruled otherwise.)

Our social worker and pediatrician keep saying that there's nothing we can do to prepare our FS -- that he's too little to understand. We've started talking to him about it anyway. I'll also write out his schedule, foods, etc. etc. etc., but there is no guarantee that they'll follow it.

What else can we be doing? I feel like we have a few more short weeks to build up enough resiliency in this little boy to last him the next 16 years.

[Sheriv]

Is there a chance that the Social Worker and/or the Pediatrician can talk to the Judge? Perhaps your FS has his own lawyer, I forgot what they call them that speak to the Judges on behalf of the child. So much can be changed if just a little extra effort is made for transition. Also, if the BParents are not willing to do this then this is an example they are not operating with the child's best interest. What do you think?

[Jensboys]

If this is going to happen, the best you can do is make it as easy on him as possible. And yes, I DO believe that talking to him about it is IMPORTANT.

Send along pictures of your family in a book form that he can look at.

Favorite blankets and comfort items.

Wash everything fresh so it "smells" like home to him.

Send along his bedding if you can.

Provide schedules / food preferences etc. No, they may not use it, but you never know, and if he is struggling, maybe they would refer to it for help.

Send along favorite cups/bottles etc. Things that can provide him comfort.

Establish a "lovey" object for him if he doesnt already have one. It will help provide him comfort.

Be support of the transition. Tell him frequently you want him to be happy. you want him to love his mommy and daddy etc. If YOU can be the one to hand him over (and yes I know tragic and difficult for you!!) its apparently much better for the child. If he sees you support the move (even if you dont) he will have an easier time transferring attachment.

Good luck. I know how brutal this is.

[MassachusettsMom]

Originally Posted by Sheriv

Is there a chance that the Social Worker and/or the Pediatrician can talk to the Judge? Perhaps your FS has his own lawyer, I forgot what they call them that speak to the Judges on behalf of the child.

Our FS's social worker and pediatrician both have said it will be detrimental to our FS's wellbeing and development to have him returned to his birthfamily-- but judge has unofficially said she's going to return him anyway.

Our FS's atty told us that he doesn't believe that children as young as our FS should be adopted (he is 18 months). So he's been advocating for keeping our FS in foster care. (Yes, we tried to get him removed from the case. When this is all over, we'd like to see him disbarred--he's been so insulting and offensive to us and to DSS.)

[MassachusettsMom]

Jensboys-
Thanks. That was along the line of what we had been thinking. I told DSS I'd take him to his birthparents' home and do the transition, if they will allow it. It will break my heart, but I do want the transition to be as easy for our FS as possible.