[luvmykids4]

I am a new foster parent, and have not yet had children placed with us. We have four bio kids already, so we requested 1 or 2 kids age 2 and under. I'm wondering if there are any red flags or signs when children have major attachment issues, especially at the younger ages. I understand that that is when they are forming attachments, but I've read some posters mention preschool aged kids with Rad. Any info would be great. I am a little nervous about this subject, and having other kids in the home already makes me extra cautious. I want to be fair to all involved. Thanks.

[PabloandCarlosMama]

The children may have a honeymoon period. If you think they are too good to be true, then get ready....In time, they will start testing the boundaries, and as they begin to feel closer to you, they may start hurting themselves or others. This is a big generalization. There are some good websites with signs of attachment issues to be aware of:

Welcome to Attachment & Trauma Network* - ATN
Attachment Disorder | Nancy Thomas Parenting | Attachment.org | Reactive Attachment Disorder

Both list signs for look for, books to read, therapists, etc.

Good luck to you.

[angelkisses0102]

My 8 month old had pretty major attachment issues...he had a very short honeymoon period...only about 10 days...but children can honeymoon anywhere from no honeymoon stage to a year or more before their 'true' issues become visible. A couple of sites that are directed at internationally adopted infants (but work for any situation) are:

A4everFamily.org - HOME
Attach-China

And RadKid.Org: Reactive Attachment Disorder & Detachment Issues is another good site.

Both were vital to me in our journey to heal our DS...both sites are worthy of being read in their entirity.

[luvmykids4]

Thanks for your responses. I understand that there may be a honeymoon period. I guess that I was wondering at what 'age' you typically start seeing attachment issues. With kids under two, do they 'usually' have major difficulties, or do they adjust well most of the time? Just wondering. Thanks again.

[noelani2]

I learned a lot about attachment issues with infants in 1990-91, both with having a good friend who fostered many children, and adopted as many as she could, and with adopting our daughter, Julia. Basically, all of the children I saw had some level of attachment disorder, but responded very well to intensive attention and human contact. Julia was one of the more challenging ones. She had been through hell, from medical treatments and almost total lack of parental attention, followed by a ten week stint in foster care, where she became attached and then that bond had to be broken when she came to us. Julia was six and a half months old when we got her. At first, she wanted nothing to do with me. If I picked her up, she would turn her head away and put her little hand out and push me away. I decided to start carrying her around as much as I could. To start with, it had to be facing away from me, but she gradually accepted more closeness, until I was carrying her in a front pack. By the time I'd had her for three weeks, she was very attached to me. It was insecure attachment, at that point. She would start to panic if she couldn't see me, but it was a definite improvement! I just stayed with her all the time. Any place I couldn't take a baby, I just didn't go. After a year, she was able to be without me for a little while and be happy, obviously trusting that I would come back.

I think Julia was a little more challenging than most children placed at that age, but alot of kids have a similar thing going on. As a foster mother, you would have to consider the effects of possible seperation. However, I believe that a child who has a secure attachment broken is more likely to be able to form another attachment than one who has not had a attachment at all. As hard as it was for Julia to lose her foster mother, I feel that it was worlds better for her than had she spent the whole six month before we got her in the hospital with almost no affection and only attention through medical procedures. They had even put in a gastrostomy so they didn't even pick her up to feed her, but just hooked her up to machine!

I have written extensively about Julia's case, if I can find it! Julia is now a beautiful 17 year old girl. She has some symptoms of autism and has been quite immature for her age. I certainly can't picture her going off to college without me, or anything like that. However, she is extremely artistic and has become much more social lately, largely through her photography. I will try to add a picture of her, with her 12 year old sister Joanna, just for fun, if I can get it to work!

Best wishes on your plans to foster/adopt. What ages are your four children? I know older children can both bless and be blessed, but having younger children with greater than average needs in their homes. It will be lots and lots of work for you taking care of them all, of course, physically and emotionally, but worth the blessings!

Aloha,
Noelani

[luvmykids4]

Thanks, Noelani

I appreciate your input. I know a little bit about attachment disorders, but I am learning a lot more!
It is so 'crazy' that you can see a six month old with some issues that way, and yet see a 3 yr. old adjusting fine, or vice versa. I think the main thing I'm convinced of is that there is no typical way that a child will react. We will just have to take things as they come. I do want to be prepared and educated as much as possible, to make the transition 'smooth' for everyone. My kids are 15, 13, 11, and 6. In some ways, I think that their ages are helpful, and yet sometimes I think younger kids adjust to 'new' kids better. I think we will keep our 'request' age at 0-2, and be open to siblings.

Thanks again for taking the time to respond.
Judi

[Sheriv]

I'm glad to see that you are aware of RAD and at least considering the possibility but you should know that RAD is at the far end of the spectrum. There will be some level of Attachment issues if there has been unstable caregiving within the first two years of their life. You should know that for sure.....

I agree with the previous poster who said their are books that describe the symptoms of RAD, but if they refuse to give eyecontact, rebel and reject touch, have very little stranger distress, overly clingy or overly independent....that would raise my hair but definitely any violence to others or themselves (raging)...is a red flag and it won't be long before you will know if it is something you can handle or can't.

Hope this helps...

SSV

[hockeywoman]

One of our kiddos, when she came into care at 11 months, had absolutely no interest in human contact. She would scream when picked up, turn away when the foster mom tried to feed her, and basically showed all the signs of RAD. However, the foster mom did intensive work with her, and she has been doing extremely well for the last 12-18 months(she isn't showing any signs of attachment issues at all, even with the transition to our home).